little bit better - Saturday 10/30

He is able to keep down food today and attempted to eat a couple things. Nothing sounds good to him so it is hard to know what to fix. This morning's first stop was Norton to get a shot that will help increase his white blood cells which will help him not pick up every cold that is around. The chemo will make your white blood cells tank about day 7.This shot (I forgot the name and I am not getting up to find the brochure) increases them so the goal is for the white blood cells to stay level as they normally would be.

Anyway we were downtown this morning for that scheduled appointment. Very nice nurse that gave him some practical advice on what to start eating and drinking to try to gain his strength back. She offered him a wheelchair b/c he seemed so tired and I completely vetoed it. I think she thought I was the meanest wife that ever lived. He just needed to walk. I worry about his overall health if he doesn't keep moving even if it is hard. This has been a very hard part for me to know when to push and when to leave him alone. It seems like the more you lay around when we are sick the more you feel sick. I want him to feel better sooner than later but at the same time I don't understand how nausea he feels. I can kind of relate b/c I was sick/nausea with all three of my pregnancies in the first trimester but I think is far worse than this. Or is it? I don't want to tick all the men off but you guys have a hard time with physical ailments. Sorry to call Craig out but it the past a cold has had him laid up for three days! come on! I was back in church couple days after I had a C-section. Anyway, I don't want to start a battle of the sexes I am just saying it is really hard to figure when to push him a little harder to try to feel better and when to just leave him be. Bottom line: I want my annoying joke cracking smart-a$$ husband back. It is tough to figure out this new way to communicate. We are sarcastic people and when he doesn't feel good it is hard to crack a smile. When it hurts to talk b/c he is so nausea it is hard to try to get out of him how I can help. I hope that next chemo treatment we can learn from this one and we will be more prepared. I wish it came with instructions. Seems like every time we call the doctor's off they call in another prescription and that has yet another set of side effects. I don't know what I expected but this has thrown me for a loop, I guess. I didn't realize how sick he was going to feel. I know this is the more aggressive treatment and this is what we wanted to increase our chances of keeping him around but I just didn't get it.

Our second stop today was soccer for Morgan. Mom stayed here with the girls so I didn't have to drag everyone downtown. So when we got back and Craig wasn't up for the game I asked mom to stay at the house so Hannah could finish her nap and Emily chose to stay here with her (shocking!). So Morgan and I were off to soccer. It is always great to get some one on one time with one kiddo. She did great. She kicked the ball off and stuck with the game pretty good. She was upset that she didn't make a goal yet but I told her it was a team sport. She really likes being on the team with some of her favorite friends.

Not much went on beyond that today. A trip to Kroger, we watched the Snoopy's Halloween, ate a little dinner, whatever around the house.

While I was rocking Hannah to sleep I heard Emmy (Emily - we call her Emmy) ask Craig is she could get sick being around him. He of course said no and she said b/c it is just the rock in your belly. Yep you can't catch cancer. Finally I laid Hannah down (I don't know why she took so long tonight to fall asleep) and started to read to Emmy. The hospital sent some coloring books and story books home with us to help explain the situation to the girls. So I grabbed one. Before tonight they really haven't asked too many questions. The question that CONTINUES to come up when I ask them if they have any questions here and there is "how did that rock get into his belly" GOOD FREAKIN' QUESTION! I always say, I don't know and the doctors don't know but they are doing what they can to shrink it. The book we look at was really good. I skimmed through some of the parts when it talked about Daddy will be on chemo for a long time b/c she really doesn't have a great sense of time yet. Sometimes she calls a day a week etc. She knows the days of the week but really time is still a little confusing so I didn't want to burden her heart with the statement that daddy will be on medicine for a long time. I think the fact that there was a book about it calmed her, if there is a book then she is probably not the only kid that has a daddy with cancer. I might be reading into that but she did like the book and she could relate to some of things in it so I think it was good. It is hard to figure out what to tell them and what not to. Their little hearts can't handle the magnitude of it (neither can mine!) but they need to know more than 'daddy is sick'. Tuesday night her and I were in the car running an errands and we chatted about it a bit and she got really quiet in the backseat. That doesn't happen very often with chatty Emmy so I asked if she was worried about something. She said she was worried about that rock in her daddy's tummy. I told her we just have to pray about it and it was in the bible to not worry about anything but everything prayer and petition. She said well what do you mean, I don't know how to talk to God. Oh my goodness, just when you think you are doing the right things... so I told her to talk to God and tell Him her worries were and He would fix it in His own way. Just talk to him? YES (what does she think we been doing before bedtime every night?). Tonight she said she wanted to learn more about the medicine daddy was taking. There is another book they sent home call the Kemoshark and I told her we could read it tomorrow night. We shall see how they goes over.
Silver lining: the sex talk in 5-10 years, is going to be a PIECE of CAKE compared to the Daddy has cancer talk! I think Craig should have to do that one since I took this one.

I hope tomorrow is a new day. He said that he may attempt to get to church but we will see. I don't like leaving him here but I need to leave the house for my own sanity too. I started to think today, am I kidding myself? Here I am hoping that the next six month will be the toughest we will endure and it will be taken care of with this round of chemo. Chances are that won't happen but whose to say what will happen. So I need to just stay positive, I guess, and hope and pray this chemo regiment and God takes care of this cancer and we can put this behind us. Stranger things have happened, right?

Sorry for the long post. I am insanely lonely at night. I get the girls down for the night for some peace and quiet and then I sit here and type up a post or watch something stupid on TV. Next round of chemo I may plan a girl's night in. We have done it in the past and it is so much fun. Everyone comes in sweats and we watch movies our husbands won't watch with us b/c they are chick flicks. really fun. might have to do that next time. I have some amazing girlfriends from high school and college. :)
I am off to watch the Oprah that I DVRed from the other day with the cast from Sound of Music. Love that movie! thanks for listening. I check our stats everyday to make sure I am not talking to myself on here since just a handful are posting comments. (thanks, handful of peeps!)

Hope everyone is having a great weekend with lots of family-fun!