Victory Weekend and a reflection of 2010

Written Sunday 1/2/11 night
I was going to post on New Year's Eve but this weekend I have been so sick with an ugly cold. Great way to bring in the new year, asleep by 8:30pm on the couch b/c I didn't want to infect Craig. Oh well it was never a holiday that was important to me. I wish I could have done something fun for the girls to bring in the new year but maybe next year.

This weekend at SECC was Victory Weekend. All the people that were baptised and gave their lives to Christ or joined the church walk down the center aisle. It is an awesome site to see how God works in the lives of some many people through Southeast. It is such a special place to our family. Last January was our Victory weekend. We had gone to SECC for far too long before we took the final step to make it official.
My God story started with the decision to have a third child. It actually started way before that decision but this was the turning point for me. It was too big of a decision to make ourselves. I would pray about it at home and make list in my head of the pros and cons of stopping at two or adding another baby to the family. We were done potty training and we could get around easily with one kid each. But every time I prayed about it in church it wasn't "if" it was "when" and what to name him/her. Kyle preached on a the story of Peter where Jesus called Peter out of the boat to walk on the water. The message was "What boat was God calling you to step out of and trust Him"? God was calling us to have a third baby so the decision was made the Merimees would expand by one but even though it had been that easy in the past it wasn't that easy this time. I kept praying to God what are you waiting for? I agreed to go with your plan for our family at whatever cost it meant. Where is this baby? Months later Kyle preached on Say yes to God when in the past you have told him no. It was the story of Jonah. Trust starts with obedience and He was calling me to obey Him and be baptised. That day I committed my life to Christ. I turned it all over to Him. Not just our family plan but my life. Whatever He had in store I was in, all in. I was pregnant with Hannah within the week.

The first ultrasound (of many b/c I was borderline high risk b/c I went into pre-term labor with Morgan) I pinned to my bulletin board at work with the scripture "I asked for this child and the Lord gave me what I asked of Him." I thought her name would be Caroline Jane and we were going to call her Callie or Nolan Patrick if it was a boy. Craig kept pushing for Hannah for a girl but I was afraid to look it up and find that is was the ugly sister of Rachel. Mom looked it up and Leah (still love that name) was the ugly sister, Hannah was in the story of Samuel which is where the scripture that had been hanging on my bulletin board for months. On June 14th Hannah Jane was born. I prayed for a baby with brown eyes and a bald head. She has the prettiest brown eyes and her hair is still barely there. Her eyes are a constant reminder of God's plan.

So I can't chalk up 2010 as a terrible year b/c of this cancer. I have to wonder if last year wasn't our Victory weekend how different would our lives be right now? Our highs wouldn't have been as high and our lows would have been down right unbearable. I can't say things are easy b/c we have faith. This is a tough walk. My marriage isn't in a good place. Cancer has taken a lot from us. Before cancer I would cuddle Hannah when putting her to bed. Now I am too exhausted and there are two kids that wait for me rather than reading books with Craig. I feel like cancer has robbed me of my time and energy. But it can never rob me of my love and faith that God is right here with us through this cancer journey.

So there it is in black and white, my God story, Hannah Jane is my God story. Very few know it until now. Actually probably just Craig. We have witnessed many events in 2010 where people chose God's plan, included mended marriages where there were signed divorce papers. We have seen what He can do when you turn it all over and we can't wait to see what He has in store for 2011. We are trusting Him to lead us to a righteous life and we are committed to walking this walk as unbearable as it might be, He is there and we trust Him.