treatment #5 day

doesn't it feel like we were just here? ugh.

We had a wonderful Christmas with the girls. They are just so fun. They are still driving the Jeep around the living room. They push the couches back so they have room to drive. They are at school now and Hannah is with my mom. She has another cold. Poor kid.

We are at treatment today so it starts again. Everyone seems upbeat about the results from the tumor marker and the CT scan so that is great. Karen is our RN today. She has been a oncologist nurse for 14 years. can you image? (yuck, I can't, I like my easy to piece together numbers) She is really helpful. I was asking her some hard questions about the stats and she isn't afraid to answer them. One huge thing that I have learned is that the medical field is full of uncertainty. She said one patient may do great on one treatment and a different patient with the same cancer could do horrible on it. So many people ask us what would be next, how long with this last and the answer is "I don't know." Not b/c they don't have ideas on what they would do with us but every situation is so different so you take one day at time, one treatment at a time, one scan at a time, one blood test at time and put it all together to come up with a plan for that day.

The current treatment plan is 12 times or 6 months so that about takes us up to Derby. If at some point a CT scan comes back horrible or a tumor marker skyrockets then we do something different. If the treatment doesn't shrink down to nothing in 6 months then they will probably have another plan. It is all a wait and see game. Which is fine. At times I want it all mapped out but life isn't like that (obviously). In the past I would have gone nuts not knowing and if we have to change courses it will probably throw us for a bit of a loop. But if we stay focused on God's plan for our life then it will all work out. I hope that His plan is that we are to learn from this 6 month stet with cancer and move on knowing He is in charge regardless what the next battle is. But if it is not then He will guide us through that as well. I think we are in a good place right now. It might be that the treatment seems to be going in the right direction but it could also be that we are secure in the plans that He has for us knowing that He will be there.

I am reading this intense book called, "Living with Thorns" by Mary Ann Froehlich. It is not a blowing sunshine and rainbows type book. It doesn't talk about staying positive in a crappy situation. It is about knowing God is there even when you think He is not. I am in a chapter about when God seem silent. It talks about the story of Lazarus. Here is a quote from the book: "We understand now that Jesus waited to perform His miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead, just as He waits to perform bigger miracles in our lives today. These miracles originate in His silence as we wait. The most significant miracle is that we trust Him in the storm."
Okay so His miracle was not to shield Craig from cancer (why? I don't know, but we are trusting the plan) but could a BIGGER miracle be right around the corner?

The week of diagnosis and weeks after I was in constant conversation with God. Now it is here and there but He still answer everyday. So I (and you) continue to pray that our miracle is right around the corner.

Gotta run and get lunch. Treatment is going well here. Continue to pray for our miracle.

Christmas pictures to come.