Friday - mom's Bday

Craig went and got his Nulasta shot this morning (thanks Scott for taking him). He has been doing really well taking care of himself this time. He has been keeping up with his medication on his own getting up in the morning on his own. All good things. He is so tired. He is irritated he is tired and doesn't want to do anything. I am not sure what to suggest. He is sick of watching TV and movies seem so long. He doesn't want to play on the Internet or do online Christmas shopping. I (jokingly) suggested teaching how to buy media but he turned the offer down. He reads for bits at a time but it seems that his attention span is very short. I am not sure if it is the chemo or if he is frustrated being in the house since Tuesday or if he is too tired to think for long periods of time. I think he will feel better tomorrow afternoon. He seems to all the sudden turn a corner day 5 and it is easier until day 7 when he feels normal again.

He said the nurse at the office today said something like that is quite the combo of chemo they have you on. I asked if he told her that he had three kids and his wife didn't give him much choice? He said no he just told her he was young so they thought it would be his best shot. I guess that says a lot for his strength. If a nurse that has probably seen all kinds of chemo and patients reactions to different drugs says that and he taking the chemo well, that really says a lot for his strength. I could sit here and say I can't believe how well he is doing but I can believe it. He is about the most calm cool and collected person on the planet. He is like a walking Zoloft. When we surprisingly had Emily and Morgan so close together it never phased him. Two sets of diapers, you take that one, I will take this one. Two bedtimes, two of just about everything, he just took it in stride. When his father past away 3 years ago he was crushed but knew the relationship they had was awesome and had no regrets. He missed him daily but took it all in stride. Cancer, has taken our breathe away, the diagnosis, the stats, the surgeries, the treatment decisions, the treatment complications, but now that he feels better and can tolerate the treatment he is taking it all in stride. He is frustrated and exhausted more than I have ever seen him but still taking it all in stride. The days that I panic he is the one saying it will work out, I plan on being here. Some days I think did he not hear what they said on October 4th? did he not google pancreatic cancer? Did he not read the CT report? But he knows and he takes it all as the next challenge and knows that it will okay. That is who he is. That is why people trust him. The first year of our marriage it ticked me off that nothing phased him. I thought it meant he didn't care. He was so calm about everything and I am the person that if you care about something you say or do something about it, no matter if it ruffles some one's feathers. We still go head to head at times b/c of this difference. But b/c his consistence of being a rock has brought so much comfort in the past especially since we have had kids I can see now that he does care that is why he is calm about everything. It takes everything in stride not b/c he doesn't care but b/c he does.

Today the girls and I made a cake for my mom and ran some errands to get out of here for a while. We watched the Grinch about 10 times. They adore that Christmas special. Last year they watching at least a 1000 times and I am sure we will hit that number again this year. It was my mom's birthday so she came over for dinner. The girls picked out light pink roses for her at Kroger. We played Go Fish, memory and BINGO. I love that they are old enough to play games now. It is so fun to sit and watch their personalities come out. Mom said tonight that she thought Morgan would be the kid winning the running race until someone fell and she would be the one to stop to help them up. Yep, she is a head strong little lady with a heart of gold. We were playing memory and Emily can run circles around anybody in that game but Morgan with her one little match was trying to help Emily out by pointing to the card she thought matched with the one Emmy was looking for. We did a Toy Story 3 puzzle and when we were done Morgan said, "when daddy wakes up, I'm gonna show it to him."

It is one thing for a mom to spend the entire day with a little girl but if she can get five minutes of dad's attention then the struggle with a 100 piece puzzle is worth it.

Yesterday Morgan wasn't feeling well and I told her on the way back from the doctor's office that she needed to stay away from Craig so that he doesn't get sick and she started to cry in the backseat b/c she couldn't play with him that afternoon. That scares me. I know that if Craig doesn't beat this they will have a hard time and if you pick up any book about raising daughters it will say that the relationship that will shape their relationships with the opposite sex is their relationship with their dads. I was honestly worried about them long term, what will their marriages be like if they don't have both parents to model after? But I hadn't thought about the day to day. He plays with them constantly. They play the wii, they dance, they pretend stuff that I can't come up with. It worries me. But I just have to pray that never happens. I have to trust him when he says, I plan to be here. He is really working hard to do just that, be here.

I was talking to one of my dear friends from college on Wednesday afternoon. I told her I felt like an idiot being okay with things and really thinking that things were going to be okay. I also said that the girls were doing fine with everything. They think that it will be taken care of and I don't  know if I have mislead them but I think they are just trusting that it will be okay. And she said that is what the Bible has told us to do,\be trusting like child in God. He is the God that saves and you can trust Him like a child. Without a doubt, trust Him like a child. So that is what we will do. take it all in stride and trust Him like a child trust.