New Week

Sorry, you get Craig tonight. I'm happy to say I turned a leaf today and actually feel like posting on here. I got to act like a normal person today. It started with missing the alarm this morning a little, or too many deservedly snoozes this morning by our normal blogger. We both saw 7:55 am and I jumped up (rolled off the bed) and said I can get the kids ready while you get yourself ready. I only share this because this was a milestone for me not waking up feeling like absolute fill in the blank. I've been wanting to get to that point in a big way for a certain reason but I'll come back to how much my wife means to me near the end of this. We got the girls out of the house quickly and on time to school. I then got to rest and catch up on all of the political victories of the previous day. The highlight of the afternoon is Scott and his little buddy Hayden and I got to do what might wife calls a play date. We went to Qdoba for lunch and I crushed about a 1/3 of a naked burrito, which I was proud of; you get leftovers too for other meals. I've got my taste back up and running officially but its hard to eat a lot. After that we went back to Scott's house (after riding in the Odyssey) and hung out. I found the wii as my friend because it's perfect to keep me moving and not sitting idle but it doesn't take as many brain cells to function appropriately. I went 0-5 in table tennis and got crushed in bowling against Scott. My energy level has been one of my biggest fights. My wii at home isn't working (not powering on) so I've got to figure that out or I may be calling one of my high tech friends here soon to think for me because it's not easy. Anyhow, moving on, I went to Emily's dance class this early evening for the first time and got to see her smile and have a lot of fun, which never gets old. These were my highlights and it was a good positive day. There's still a rock in my abdomen which has no problem reminding me often throughout the day causing physical pain. This is why I got to say I got to act normal today even though I know I'm not normal. I struggle with envy and jealousy when I'm out and about watching people do what normal people do. I've been to Qdoba at least 1,000 times and I remember how it was just lunch during the workday, I really miss that. I go to dance class and see the main worry from most folks is what's for dinner. I did get to see our dear friend ViviAnne though and I pray to God the little 5 year old never has to see another chemo treatment again because it sucks. I wanted to focus on the positives for this post but its hard to leave out how difficult this past week has been. It's been by far the most trying thing I've done and it's knee buckling. I was kind of hoping and in someways expecting the treatment to knock me down a few notches but unfortunately it gave me a knock down blow. It unfortunately made me so sick I had to question myself as whether I can do this. The biggest thing that has me scared is that I feel like it's whittled me down to skin and bones. Being young and energetic to fight this is one thing but it's hard when your stamina has been thrown out the door. Right now I'm fighting getting back on my 2 feet so I can withstand the next fight a week from today. This treatment, which we/I chose was a more toxic one but I have to have faith (which I've got). The treatment is every 2 weeks and we hope to have a better gameplan in place as far as handling meds at home. It did end up that one of my main naustious meds was kind of inadvertently a lower dosage than what I should of been using. I am going to enjoy this week as much as I can to get my head and body ready for round 2 next Wednesday. The great news is my faith has not stumbled and I don't have to do this alone. "Footprints" comes to mind in explaining my journey; sometimes I just have to be carried and that's fine. I'm getting long winded now but I have a little catching up to do with you. Our family has received so much love and support that I can't explain how much it means. We hang by a thread some days and it's that love and support that keeps us above water. I know I can do this so I'm going to fight even though stats aren't in my favor, I have hope and faith in my favor. My 3 little girls CONSTANTLY remind of why I'm fighting this. They are so perfect in my eyes and they deserve their dad for a long time. Lastly, I debate in my mind every day who this cancer effects more, me or my wife? I lean heavily towards her. She's the one wearing 20 hats per day taking care of 3 little ones including a 4 month old, taking care of me, taking care of the house, taking care of her work, taking care of keeping everyone updated what is going on, etc. Let's see I forgot something, o yeah, she has to take care of herself. The worst case outcome of this cancer will wrestle with your soul more than anything in the world. So when you pray, please help carry her through this. She has been everything in the world to me for this treatment and more. She deserves God's grace more than anyone I know. The taking care of herself part is often the last thing she gives time if any time is left over. I thank God for her every day and have never been more certain about anything more.