Thee appointment

To follow up on yesterday's post, today was another harsh day; might qualify as thee day.  I went in this morning and had a CT scan done to see what was really going.  The huge jump in my tumor marker caused some worry.  Michelle and I met with Dr. Hamm this afternoon around 2 at his office downtown at Norton.  He didn't have my scan results back yet when he came into the office but it was because the scan was only done a few hours earlier and it takes sometime to get those back.  We discussed treatment plans and talked about the Vandy experience for a little back.  He then went back and checked and had the scan results back in hand.  The results were every spot and tumor I had has grown in a significant manner.  There were an estimated 20 something spots in my liver (though some may not have been cancerous).  That's a lot.  It was compared to my last scan at Norton which was September which was about 2 months ago.  The underlying result: it's growing and it's growing pretty fast.  All cancers are different and one notable characteristic is that when PC is growing, it's pretty bull-headed.  There are countless stories of people being diagnosed and not making it a week.  It typically doesn't stop to ask for directions.  I then went ahead and asked the tough questions:
What is the chance of this treatment working and what should I expect?
Basically, while there is a chance things could stop growing and actually shrink, a more realistic hope is that it will slow the growth down.
Is this really my last treatment option because I've tried most things?
If my weekly treatment does work to a degree, I can add the abraxine maybe in a month.  I mentioned this drug in my last post and that drug can maybe even more help slow things down.  But basically, trying anything else, wouldn't be too smart because you are making yourself miserable in your last days.
If I don't do a treatment, what are we looking at?
"You don't have much time." We discussed this a little more because they underlying question unasked was, what really are the chances this next treatment is not going to work based on how aggressive this cancer has become?  I know the answer...higher than it actually working.  I've learned so much about PC, it is relentless.  We aren't close to figuring it out in general.  I am still optimistic this treatment may put up a fight and buy me time and I will fight that fight.  There is so much riding on this first treatment which will be next Monday morning.  If I'm getting sick, it will mean my cancer is pretty mad.  It was very mad at me this past weekend, hopefully it will lie down and rest this next go around.  A lot is going to be determined very soon.
I also have that not so good feeling.  My digestion is horrible right now and I could only eat about 1/4 of my dinner tonight.  Was it a bad day or is it because my digestive system is shutting down?  My pain has progressively got worse over the past month.  I'm in urgency mode right now.  I want a great Christmas with my family.  I'll take the prayers right now but mine are focused on Michelle.  I've told her I have all the faith in her to make it through this.  What she's got faced in front of her is a mountain but I strongly feel if anyone can do it, she can do it.  Please pray for her.  For strength, for confidence.  3 girls are a lot but those 3 girls are remarkable.  They rally around her when they sense I'm down.  I could go on and on but right now, I just want to comfort her so I'm signing off for the night.  Have a happy thanksgiving if you don't hear from us tomorrow.  I still have a lot to be thankful for so I'm going to try and enjoy the day.