Thanksgiving Weekend

This weekend has been tough. I am having a hard time getting going in the mornings. I don't want to get out of bed and my stomach is in knots. Craig is the one that keeps saying lets make this day a good one. So I get up and start the day. This weekend has been super busy so that helps since there is a millions things on the to-do list. So every morning I get moving through the day thinking how am I going to get going when Craig isn't there to get me moving? I can't say there is one thing that really worries me except him simply not being here, period. I have not been without him for more than a week in our 15 years together. I am not sure I remember how to function without him here. I am not sure I even know who I am. I guess some independent people might think that is a bad thing and one day long ago I did too. But when someone as wonderful as Craig makes you a better person for just knowing him let alone getting the privilege of being his wife it is not a bad thing to not know who I might be without him.

So we are taking one day at a time. It seems so surreal and unbelievable that we were handed the news that we did on Tuesday afternoon. There are hours of the day that I would say Dr. Hamm has it all wrong there is no way that Craig has "not a lot of time left." Wednesday we had pictures done (which were a little disappointing) and we got the house ready for Thanksgiving etc etc. He never stopped to rest until the end of the day. Minus the pain meds it all seems very normal. I am haunted by other blogs have said the same things only a couple months before the cancer victim's body surrendered to the disease.
It just seems like there is no way this is actually happening.
But it is... and reality stinks.

Our girls don't really get our reality right now. I have told them that the chemo that he was taking in TN didn't work and he is trying something new on Monday. I have mentioned to Emily there are not a lot of "medicines" out there for this cancer. With the weekend being so busy they haven't really stopped to ask questions. They are pretty use to him not feel well. They say stuff like I hope Dad feels okay so we can play fill-in the blank with whatever crazy thing they have on their agenda. But they do not understand the reality of the situation. We have laid some groundwork talking about heaven in general and people who live there that we know/knew but that is about it. I'm not sure what else to add to it to that will prepare them for what is to come.

Please pray for our family in the upcoming weeks/months/years.