The past couple weeks the anxiety of this disease has gotten the better of me. It is extremely stressful to see someone in this kind of pain. It is hard to plan for it when it hits when you least expect it. It is hard to plan family outings or figure out if I am going to be doing the bedtime routine on my own or have help. It is stressful to hear the heavy sighs or painful groans and not knowing what they mean. We are unsure whether the abdomen and back pain is from the treatment, medication or the growth of the cancer itself. It is really stressful keeping the "what ifs" at bay.
I haven't done thankful Thursdays or anything like that b/c I am exhausted to be looking for the silver lining. I know that we have a lot to be thankful and I have not lost the faith but I am tired. Even Jesus took time to rest. It is not the kind of tired that I need a break or to get away. It is just the kind of exhaustion that allows honesty to settle in. I have wrote and re-wrote this post. I can't quite get into words why there is so much pressure on the day to day of this disease. I think I am going to just move on and post this or I will never get it posted. I don't think that words can describe where I am right now.
http://www.southeastchristian.org/?page=3476&project=116707&program=514253
Last week's sermon is a great one. Very challenging but a great message for each of us.
Nice vs. kind and compassionate.
Which path are you are today?
Which path are you following?
worldliness? or God's path?
1 comment:
Michelle - I feel for you, I know exactly where you are coming from. I know you are a woman & a family of extraordinatry faith, me, not so much. I hope you find your strength to keep moving forward. My heart aches for you all.
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