It was exactly one year ago. I was at work and I noticed the whites of my eyes were turning yellow. I called the doctor and he told me I needed to go to the emergency room. I took my Monday morning conference call and wrapped some stuff up at work and then drove myself to Norton Old Brownsboro Crossing. My life was then forever changed. The diagnosis came pretty quick after they did a CT scan. I remember lying in the bed shell shocked but still not realizing what they just told me. They told me it was probably pancreatic cancer but they didn't immediately tell me what that meant. Everything sunk in that first night at the hospital though. I remember not completely freaking out because 6 months seemed like a long time away.
I've shared the stats before, my chances of making it to 6 months was 50% and it was 25% to make it one year. I am extremely fortunate to still be here. I'm one of the lucky few, I guess. One year is a success. Today has been a bag of mixed emotions. While I feel fortunate to be here, I'm still reminded I'm going to be climbing that hill from here on out. I'm still spooked by how much my life changed on the last October 4th. That day was zero fun. My next goal is October 4th, 2012.
This type of cancer can be extremely aggressive. I feel I'm doing good right now but things can change in a couple of days. There are countless stories of folks being diagnosed with this cancer and not making it a week after diagnosis. I have to keep reality in check. I really feel great right now though a lot of that has to do with the fact I haven't had a chemo treatment in about a month. We're headed to Vanderbilt on this Friday and will be making a decision soon.
One good thing that has come out of this is my upgraded relationship with God. I ask the question every day, "How do folks get through this type of mess without a deep faith in God?" Where do they turn when they need to be picked up. I remember when I first typed on this blog, I stated that I wasn't mad at God for allowing this to happen. I said I was mad at myself for the being the type of person that could deal with this. I feel I've handled this in a decent manner. The things that keep going is my relationship with God but also important is my friends and family that have helped support me. I don't mind and cherish the fact that I help people see what is most important in their life. I want to encourage people and I want to be a wake up call to people. Life really can be short. God and your family and your friends should be your priority. Another lesson is quit putting important things off, do it. There's countless things to learn from this situation. It's stuff we know, we just have to act upon those desires and plans. It's not easy, I still procrastinate with things but I'm getting better.
I'll end this post with saying a big huge "Thank You" from the bottom of my heart. I have felt so loved and so prayed upon. We have such an awesome support system. Thanks for reading our blog too, it's been a great avenue for us to get our feelings out there. I hope and pray that I'm able to enjoy my family for another year. Michelle and my girls mean the absolute world to me. I can't stand the thought of making them cry. My main prayers go out for them.
God bless!
5 comments:
Congratulations! Hope we both get many more years with our families. You and your family are in my daily prayers.
Ginger Luerman
Dear Craig,
This post has touched a huge emotional chord in me. My mom is approaching her 1 year anniversary with pancreatic cancer this November. The feelings you share could be ours. Our lives have forever changed. It is truly a wake-up call. Life can be indeed be too short. As a friend just recently told me, we're here to "invest in people". A Christ-modeled principle that I can see lived out in your life. My prayers and thoughts are with you. May God shower you with gifts of Grace and Mercy, Joy and Laughter for each new day. Jane
You are an inspiration to all! - Liz
Craig,
Old friend, I must be living on another planet as I had no idea what you had been through over the past year. I just read your blog post, and your ability to stay positive in the face of such adversity is truly inspiring my friend. If you and your wife get an itch to make it up here to Cincy we would enjoy playing host, our daughters would probably have a blast with your kids as well! If you get a chance give me a shout sometime soon, as it is clear that I have been an out of touch friend for far to long.
Craig,
My prayers are with you and your family each and every day. It is without hyperbole when I say that you are an inpiration to me and I often use you as an example to students who are facing tough things in their lives. God Bless
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