Sorry for the delay folks. Quick summary: this weekend went a lot better than the last treatment weekend but still absolutely zero fun and hard. I was successful at not getting sick after the treatment this time though again, I didn't feel good at all. I guess sorry again for the details but I actually got sick before my treatment began just from the anticipation while I was getting prepped for treatment. This is just very hard and it makes me dig deep begging for a reason to continue to do this to myself. I have other available treatments to me that don't wreck me this hard. It's very hard to come to terms with what to do. My tumor marker actually increased a little more from fifty something to seventy something. We are not sure this treatment hasn't run it's course. The plan is to make it to the next scan which is after the next treatment. I honestly am not sure I can do this again. It beats me up so hard and knocks me out. This would be a lot easier if there was a big light at the end of the tunnel. There's not a big light for me here on this Earth. Hope I'm not sounding depressed. Reality is very hard and every time, I'm wiped out and it wipes out the family. The prayers we can use these days again is guidance.
Emotions are admittedly running high right now as I watch the CBS 9/11 special. It's a constant reminder of how great life is but so very fragile. There's a lot of shitty stories out there and my heart goes out to all of them. There's also a lot of strength that comes deep within people and admire the heck out of that inner self. 10 years ago I was at work helping out at our branch at 25th and Broadway getting to know some people pretty quick that I didn't too much about. I remember coming home from work and crying on the couch wanting to punch somebody or something. I watch this special and am reminded how may people are still suffering from either depression or breathing in of bad air and dying of cancer. 9/11 is obviously something that will be forever etched in our minds. Today at church we talked extensively about 9/11. It's 2 numbers you can't forget. But in a time when hostility is bred and vengeance is demanded we are reminded of 2 other numbers that I am forever grateful for: John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
1 comment:
Still in the thoughts and prayers of us in the Alumni Office at Saint Xavier High School. I personally find these posts difficult to read. They leave me feeling blessed, but also wondering if someone in my own family may fall the victim of terminal cancer..and if so...would I be as strong as you both. Craig and Michelle, you are an inspiration!
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