Change in Plans and Ross Huettig

So I called yesteday and made a pseudo emergency appointment with my oncologist this morning.   I shared with him my desire to get the heck off this current treatment.  What it came down to was it's taking me 8, 9 or 10 days to recover from the treatment only to turn around and do it again.  It's not the way I want to live my life.  I am also not confident its working based on my tumor marker going up.  I was scheduled to do the treatment next Wednesday and have my next scan on the 4th.  The doctor concurred with my opinion which is pretty normal.  The current game plan really comes down to finding the best balance of being aggressive and also having a decent quality of life.  We decided to move the scan to next Tuesday morning.  If the scan shows improvement, then I may do the treatment scheduled next Wednesday but its probably not going to show improvement and is more likely to show us going in the wrong direction.  So most likely no chemo next week.  Its time to decide on the most common treatment majority of pancreatic patients do which is gemcitibine and tarceva or find a clinical trial that makes sense for us.  A clinical trial would most likely consist of gemcitibine and an experimental drug.  The gemcitibine treatment is typically done once a week with the fourth week off.  It's got a whole lot less side effects.  I also do not have to be hooked up to it for 2 days; its get it IV at the doctor and then leave.  I've been hitting that wall this cancer brings that I've heard and read a lot about.  There comes a time when the big picture comes into place.  Right now that means, how can I best enjoy my family and friends right now.  We'll keep you posted if we learn anything more about the clinical trials.

Ross Huettig, 26, passed away Wednesday.  I met Ross at a support group I go to occassionally at Gilda's Club.  It's a young adults group for those with or have had cancer.  Ross had an awesome young personality.  He was very different from me in a lot of ways but not.  He was a young man that believed in God and loved death metal music.  Not your normal combination but to me but that's part of what drew me to him.  He was one of those people that anyone would just be happy to be around.  I became facebook friends with him a few weeks ago and started to see some health concerning messages on his page.  I tried reaching out to him last Friday asking what could I pray for.  I told him I wanted to get to know him better.  I never got a message back from him but learned he was fighting for his life.  I'm in the seat that understands what he has been going through.  I'm actually happy to an extent for him.  He's done with chemo, done with pain.  I often visualize that meeting with Jesus and I think Ross is in an awesome place.  In some ways, I'm a little jealous, I believe heaven is that great.  Anyways, it was great to know him.  He's one of those people I'll look up when my day comes and hopefully I'll get to know him better.  God bless you Ross.