Hilton Head pictures and back to reality

We got back from Hilton Head on Saturday afternoon after a week of family fun. Each family vacation always comes with some typical hiccups with traveling with three under five but we still had a great time. We have created some great traditions the three years we have gone to HHI. We go to see Greg Russell under the Oak Tree one night during the week. We eat at the Shipwreck (b/c the Salty Dog always has a 2+ hour wait). We get some tees at the Salty Dog. This year I picked up sweatshirts instead. We also made a new tradition of the adding a Hermit Crab to the family. Although I am not sure this will be repeated year after year. We will see how we do with "flower" so far we have not killed him... or her. whatever.

Here are some pictures.

Hannah finally found an area of the world that was big enough for her to roam free. She LOVED walking up and down the shore.

In the condo, nice and clean :)

Okay this is joke. We asked a guy in a orange shirt to take our picture. Seriously, what was he aiming for? Did he not even look at the screen? We are missing Hannah, Morgan, Scott and Craig's bald heads.

The five of us at the top of the lighthouse at Harbor Town.

Morgan and Craig at the top of the lighthouse.

Emily, Hayden and Morgan climbing down the lighthouse.

The lighthouse group... all of us in the picture.

The kids on stage waiting to see if Greg Russell will show up on this rainy night.

Hannah sat through the WHOLE concert and then fell asleep in the car at 10:00. She was clapping and dancing along just like Emily and Morgan. She is a party animal!

The view from the back porch of our condo.

Hannah is the early bird in the family. She had breakfast on the back porch most mornings.

Morgan starting on her daily sandcastle

Sisters on the beach.

Morgan working hard on the big Neichter sandcastle.

Hannah in the sand.

Emily chillin'

The above three pictures are a perfect illustration of their different personalities.

arm painting, Morgan picked a dolphin.

Emily picked a palm tree (Sara Merimee will LOVE this one.)

Family of 5 after dinner at Shipwreck.

Popsicles on the back porch after lunch

Hannah had NO FEAR of the water and wasn't at all bothered by the sand.

Taking a water break from rolling in the waves.

Emily swimming without her swim block. She is getting good.

last night on the beach

It was a great week filled with a lot of family time. We go down most years with one of my best friends from high school. I traveled with their family when I was in high school and this is the second year we crashed the Neichter tradition. It is a huge help to have extra eyes on the girls on the beach. The extra hands are a big help. They are always so inviting and just make us part of the family for the week. So we are back in Louisville with great memories of another year at HHI.

Usually when you come back from vacation you have the typical post-vacation blues. It stinks to get through the millions of loads of laundry that pile up over the week, you try to get through the emails that piled up through the week, you are just bummed to have to wait a whole year for the next trip to the beach. It is depressing. You add coming back to a CT scan and "routine" blood test and sending two kids back to day-care and might lose it. I have a couple times today. Not to sound negative but I don't think this scan will show the disease has remained stable. Craig has had some back pain here and there and complains that he feels full after he eats. Might be nothing or it could be something. He has been extra fatigued but that could be b/c we had such a busy week or it could be something.

I guess we will know for sure on Tuesday. We will update the blog when we know more.

I was concerned the week before we left for vacation but didn't want to dwell on it. We had talked about Hilton Head so much through the cold winter I didn't want to ruin it worrying about a scan that was a week+ away and that I could do anything about.

The scan is tomorrow and HHI was last week and now I am just bummed.

But I am reminded of a page out of my daily devotion book that I read before we left.

Title: Stay Stable

James 1:12 says blessed is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved, he will receive crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him."

Joyce Meyers note: Don't get upset if somebody gives you a hard time today. Don't get upset if you don't get your way, or if somebody says or does something you don't like. If you are set up for an upset, stay stable - it is only a test.

The word "stable" of course jumped out at my in this devotion. This has been good news that Craig's disease has been stable in the last two scans. We have prayed for that news time after time but what God really wants is our faith in Him to remain "stable" through each test. Because He knows the outcome of each test and we put our trust in Him our faith should never waiver.

My faith in Him has not waived. I trust in His plan but at this point I am really really really really ticked off that this is the plan for us. I have let Him know this. Although it not a beautiful prayer that would be in any devotion book, it is still prayer. Hopefully I will be wrong about the scan this week. I know that my faith is stable even through anger.

Please pray for our week ahead.

Hannah's walking

 Here's a short video of Hannah strutting her stuff:

Holiday World weekend

Every summer we head to Holiday World for a day of fun with the girls. We planned on leaving Hannah with a sitter but as the weekend got closer I felt bad for leaving her behind when this has been such a wonderful summer tradition for our family. So Hannah did join us and had a blast. She loved the merry-go-round and the little rides that she could go on with her sisters. Emily and Morgan enjoyed more rides this year than in years past. We didn't spend a lot of time in kiddie land b/c they were enjoying the larger rides this year. After lunch we went to the water park and they love that place. It was great trip. We went on Saturday and I will say it was very crowded, I don't think we will go on a weekend again but it was still fun. There were a couple times that I thought to myself, I won't be able to do this by myself if Craig isn't here next year. Fear of being a single mom even creeps in even among the splashing and fun. I quickly dismissed that fear and told myself to just enjoy today and don't worry about what we will do next year.

My extended family stayed at the campgrounds and we met up with some in the park and then more for dinner. I do hope next year we will be in a position to stay the night and add camping to the weekend. We shall see.

 

from God's Little book of Hope

When looking backward is filled with pain and looking forward seems ominous; try looking upward.
Psalm107:28-30

As a believer in God you can confidently say, "Although I don't know what the future holds, I know who holds the future." Deuteronomy 1:29-30

Tumor marker update

Finally!

25.4!

Still on track!

Enjoy the sunshine!

nightmare or reality

last night's blog post

We didn't hear what the official number is for Craig's tumor marker today so I assume they will email the blood test tomorrow morning.

This whole thing just feels like a complete nightmare of the past. It feels like October through April was just a bad dream, a bad memory of our past. It sometimes feels like okay now we can move on, we can get back to normal and for all intened purposes and I guess we have. Except for one thing, normal is not our reality. We are not in denial over the situation and you can not live like the other shoe is going to drop all the time but this is right either. It just seems like cancer is a distant memory of our past and it is very much a reality. It is not a reality with treatments being demanded right now but it is very much a reality. It doesn't feel like reality until it does.

Some days I wish people would understand that yes cancer is devastating but it is not debilitating in spirit. People can live with cancer for years and some even decades.

Some days I think of the kind things that people did for us when things were tough and Craig was going through treatment. I look around at my house and there are small little things that people sent as an encouraging word or a healing blanket that meant so much.

Most days it just feels like a nightmare in the past but it is very much reality and I honestly am not sure what that means.

This isn't much of a post and I am sorry for that. I plan to up the blog with summer pictures of the girls doing normal summer things at some point. We do have a lot to be thankful for. There is a lot of healing that has taken place but with every blood test and every scan there is fear that this false sense of normal will someday end. I hope that we will get to rest of the summer and then I hope that we will get the fall and then I am going to want the winter and Christmas to be treatment free and then spring and then next summer. The bitter reality is that I am never going to be ready to go back to that nightmare. We can be strong and positive and pray for continued healing but the simple fact of the matter is this is not normal. Living scan to scan, test to test is not normal.
I will post tumor marker when I get the email in the morning.

More Walk Pictures

Starting Line



Kelly, Aidan and Ethan

Aidan getting his fingers painted since the girls did. He is such a little rock star!!

Hannah being presented the highest individual fundraiser award

Emily and Morgan being presented the first place team award