Memorial Day Weekend

We have had an action packed weekend. It has been a lot of fun. I have done my best not to be anxious about the upcoming scan. I continue to tell myself to not let "tomorrow" ruin today. Craig is feeling good now so be happy for that and the sun is out and summer has officially started.

I have had a hard time over the past couple weeks. The news of cancer being in my house for the long haul is daunting. Living scan to scan is not what I had planned for my family. I have had many conversations with God on why this plan, why not the plan of Craig and I staying together for 50 years and being an inspiration to those couple who find themselves so different than wonder how they will make it. Why can't we be the ones standing on the stage of a marriage series with 50 year of marriage under our belt?  Why can't we be the ones looking out saying if we can make it you can too with God as the center of your household you to can make it 50 years. With a 50% divorce rate that plan seems to make more sense that this stupid cancer plan. I wonder those things and then I wonder is it truly possible that that is still his plan for us? Could we really beat the odds of this illness and still have that as our plan. The stats of this cancer pretty much say, no. 98% of those with stage 4 pancreatic cancer will not be healed on this earth, their only shot of a complete healing is to know Jesus and be healed in heaven.

I am struggling with jealousy of those who have what seems to be a normal life. I know that everyone has their own problems and it how we deal with what life hands but I am truly jealous of those who have struggles of anything but cancer. I was listen to a TV spot that Randy Pausch did for PanCan and one of the statements he said to his wife when she asked if he wished it was HepB was "honey, I would trade for anything. I would trade this disease in for AIDS." Yep, I have to say right now even though things seem really normal, I still wish we could trade this disease in for something a little easier to deal with. I am not sure what that would be and I know that I wouldn't trade it in for anything that would harm my children even with a different prognosis but sometimes when people talk about things they are struggling with I want to say "I'll trade ya." But really what it boils down to in any situation of adversity is not the severity of the problem or illness but just the fear of the unknown. The uncertainty of what the future holds is what hurts in any situation. I know that I can be there for people in those situations. I know that I have a story of how God has been there everyday. God is the one that relieves us of the days of uncertainty not because He lets us know what is ahead but He is there for whatever lies ahead.

In the past couple weeks I have been too bitter to feel that peace. I had told Him over and over that I like my plan better than His plan. But whose to say that they are not the same and this adversity will just strength my plan down the road. Whatever the plan might be we will persevere in strength. The farther along I get in life the more I realize what the scripture means: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

So I can have a great memorial day weekend and not sit and cry about a scan that could make us start all over through Christ who strengthens me.

So I have heard this song "blessings" a few times on WAY-FMand sometimes it makes me so stinkin' mad and some times it I just nod my head and think yep, I guess so.
I dug around YOUTUBE to find the link to post here and I found her story. I didn't know it until after I finished this post. I can see why her song speaks to my heart so much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDiTuSLSJB8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz9irePc-iI&feature=related
or this one is a little more polished.
Wow the similarities are crazy and her testimony is about what I have written here.
And here is the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ

Hope everyone is have a great weekend. I hope it is a blessing with sunshine and family. :)

1st Day at Work

Today was a monumental day as I returned to work today for the first time in almost 8 months.  I started back at my last position as the manager of the BB&T LaGrange office.  I got to surprise the branch this morning so I've been keeping things underwrapped about my return.  It was definitely surreal for me.  I was never sure if I'd ever make it back to work but I knew if I did it's because I was feeling good.  A big motivation of mine going back to work was getting back to a busy day and being a contributing member of society again.  I enjoy working with people and I enjoy making a positive impact on people.  I am excited to be back and I hope that doesn't wear off.  Instead of thinking I hope I can get back to work one day, I now think I hope I get to do this for a long time.  It's going to take me a little bit to get in the swing of things but I think everything will come back to me pretty quickly.  To my BB&T friends, thank you so much for your support and thanks for taking me back with open arms.  I feel it's truly a special place and you guys and gals have made me feel very special.  I expected my computer to start smoking when I turned it on this morning maybe when I turned on my email.  I didn't know what would happen to my inbox.  Well, today's magic number was 5,580 new messages.  I was a little disappointed, thought it would be more; though my junk mail filter helped me out some.  My general rule was I deleted all messages except those sent in May.  So if you sent me something previously, don't take it personal, it's gone.

On the fundraising font for my PC walk in Indy, we are doing some really special things and there's still tremendous room to grow more over the next month.  Currently, I'm the 3rd highest individual fundraiser and my team is the 2nd highest.  That is awesome!  Thanks to all those that have donated and please consider if you haven't. 
http://pancan.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=463226&lis=1&kntae463226=DEE361149C9C463F8096274BE97047AF&supId=325728367

11th Place

I'm a little competitive sometimes.  Our team, Hope in Louisville, is currently in 11th place in raising funds for the PC Walk.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, see my previous posts.  There are 54 teams registered so far so 11th isn't bad but I'd like to be in the top 5 come June 25th.

http://pancan.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=463226&supid=325728367

We had a very good weekend.  There wasn't a lot going on so we got out the new waterslide and the girls had a ball.  I'm completely enjoying my chemo break right now and have gotten a lot of strength back.  I'm able to swing the girls and hang them upside down, whatever they want.  I missed those days.  I started a program this past week at the YMCA.  They have a Livestrong sponsored program that is free for cancer survivors to help them gain some strength back.  I have access to a professional trainer that works with me a couple days a week.  I've been lifting weights and hitting the treadmill.  I'm trying to gain weight so I've been mostly focused on the weights.  In the last month I've put on some weight and I'm up to a hefty 150 lbs.  I'm quite proud.  My Y program lasts 12 weeks.  My next CT scan is in 2 weeks.

So far I'm on a roll with answered prayers.  I prayed hard for 6 months that come spring/summer, I a) wanted to be alive and b) that I'd be able to enjoy time with my family.  We promised we'd give God the glory if he'd help us out and he's taken good care of us.  I don't know what he has in store next but no matter what, He's there to give us strength.  God bless.

Just a little update

Not much on the cancer-font. We are still in wait and see until we hear of a clinical trial that is promising or the CT scan on the 6th comes back with bad news, I guess whichever comes first. I guess that is the plan. It is not much of a plan but we are not panicked to do something just to be doing something so I guess that is God telling us to be calm, He's got this one.

Other things:
Emily graduation ceremony was last Friday. So cute. She did really well and the songs were adorable.
She won the "Biggest Heart" award which made us both so proud. I teared up when the teacher presented the award and Craig admitted he did too later that night. My kids are so darn wonderful. She is so excited to start at Kenwood Station in the fall. She thought that she was going to Kenwood on Monday since she graduated last week. I have to say that made a lot more sense than going back to the same school for a couple more weeks until the summer nanny starts but no dice. She knows that she will know no one but she is still so excited to go on to Kindergarten. And she is so ready. She is reading (really reading, sounding words out and putting sentences together) and she just loves the idea of school. That is awesome. Little clip from her graduation. This is how they taught them their right from their left. :)

Morgan is doing so much better. She is happy and crazy. She is excited for summer. While she loves her teachers and her friends at school she is more of a free spirit and will enjoy the whatever days of the summer. Her and I talked the other night on the couch about Eileen (art therapist) and if she wanted to go back to talk to her. She said that she missed her. I told her that she could talk to me and she kind of just shrugged it off and try to move on. And I asked her again why she didn't want to chat with me about it and she finally said, "I just didn't want you to worry about me." Awww how sweet is that?! Her heart is so big that she was worried about me worrying about her. I told her later that is was a mommy's job to know what was going on so she can talk to me so that I didn't worry about it. I think art therapy was overall a big help and when/if Craig has to go back treatment we will return sooner than later. I missed the happy Morgan and I am so glad she has returned!!


Hannah is as goofy as ever. Her new trick is to stand on rocking chair and act like she is surfing. It is called a mommy heart attack. She is quite a climber and is very active. She is understanding more and follows directions very well for an 11 month old. It is sad but she can't get comfortable when I rock her to sleep. She would rather just lay down and cuddle with her blanket or lambie rather than be rocked to sleep. This is really heart breaking knowing that she is the last baby and my days of rocking a baby to sleep are numbered. She is adorable and such a happy baby. She is getting into books as well. She digs in her basket for the ones she wants and brings it to you. So cute. Elmo and any book about animals seem to be the favorites so far. Babies, do not try this at home!

So Craig is good. Feeling good. He starts a program at the YMCA tomorrow that was created for cancer survivors after treatment. It is a strength gaining workout and I think he is pretty eager to start. Although I am not sure that it will be any better than lifting a 5-year old over your head or racing a crawling 11 month old around the house but whatever. I guess it will be guided by a professional rather than the demands of three little girls screaming "swing me next daddy!!"

So I am really just in the "okay" category. I would say the last two days I was less than okay but working on getting it together. Over derby week I was enjoying life. I was so excited that things were back to "normal". I had been asking God for normal again. I begged Him for normal and now we are strangely close to "normal". We have a lot of family time, we go to church, the girls go to school, I work a lot, Craig mows the grass, there is no chemo or scan talk all the time. There are doctors calling but it is not panicked and it is not in between chemo naps. So all is good, right? I road that out for a while then I thought I was just living in denial. I tried to tell myself I couldn't wait around for the other shoe to drop. That is no way to live but fear keeps creeping in and stats loom over me. Sunday and Monday I was just weepy. What is boils down to is it is easier to trade a crappy situation with sickness and treatments and bad news for another crappy situation (single mom). But it is tough to sit here in "normal" and think that I am going to have to trade this in. I am not in a pretty place right now. So how do you "live in the now" knowing that down the road is not going to be pleasant? The rough days of treatment and doctors negative opinions are easy to trade in. A life with a family of five making vacation plans and going to the zoo on Saturday afternoon, grilling out on the deck, watching junior kindergarten graduations with the person you chose to do that stuff for the rest of your life is tough to trade in for a life of doing it all by yourself.
So will I dig myself out of this hole? of course. Reality creeps in and it hits hard and in some ways this is the first time since October 4th we have time to breathe for a bit.
Even the good is tough.

So I don't want to end on a sour note so I will include some post-dinner entertainment. We are so blessed with so many nights of encore presentations but I have to say this song is by far my favorite. I give all the credit to those who work in the children's chapel at SECC. The girls learn so many wonderful things. Thanks for all that you do!! You might not think it is much but it is HUGE to hear such a wonderful message from the little ones. So this was a performance about a month ago. Craig is cleaning up the kitchen and I am finishing up feeding Hannah. On with the show....

Walk in Indy! Road Trip!

The whole family is planning on doing the walk in Indy on the 25th and making a day of it. We will participate in the walk, have lunch somewhere fun and then go to the Children's museum. I am working on maybe having a "Team Craig" tee shirt designed.

So who is going?
Send me an email and if you are interested in joining us. We may caravan up there from Louisville.
Bring the kids!

email: michelle.t.merimee@gmail.com

Hope you can join us.

Purple Stride Indianapolis

I will be participating in a 5K family run/walk in Indianapolis on June 25th to create awareness and raise funds that will help make further strides in research for pancreatic cancer.  I have become passionate about this not just because of my diagnosis but I have learned how underfunded this cause is.  There are ideas being put forth by some awesome doctors but the testing and trials are not going anywhere because funding is not sufficient to get them off the ground.  This has proved frustrating to me.  To create awareness, I'm listing some information regarding PC.

*Pancreatic cancer is the 10th most commonly diagnosed cancer and the 4th leading cause of cancer death in the United States.

*Pancreatic cancer has the highest mortality rate of all the major cancers: 94% of patients die within five years of diagnosis and only 6% survive more than five years. 75% of patients with pancreatic cancer die within the first year of diagnosis.

*Unlike many other cancers, the survival rate for the disease has not improved substantially in nearly 40 years. Since 1975, the five-year survival rate for pancreatic cancer has improved only from 3% to 6%. In fact, pancreatic cancer is the only one of the top 10 cancer killers that still has a five-year survival rate in the single digits.

*It is estimated that 43,140 Americans will be diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2010 and that 36,800 will die from the disease.

*The number of new pancreatic cancer cases and the number of deaths caused by the disease are increasing – not decreasing. In fact, the expected number of new pancreatic cancer cases is projected to increase by 55% between the years 2010 and 2030.

There are no ways to screen for this cancer.  80% of the time, by the time you are diagnosed, the cancer has already spread which usually alleviates you from the option of having surgery to remove a single tumor.  The truth is more money is being poured into the research for other cancers at a higher per patient rate because they see more hope there.  It feels like we are getting left behind.  My passionate plea and hope is that one day, being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer is not a death sentence.

I would appreciate your support in one of two ways.  Please consider making a donation to this cause through my website that's been set up for me.  The other way to help is to join me in the walk and be a part of my team.  Please let me know if you'd like to walk and I'll help get you set up.  My personal donation webpage is http://PanCAN.kintera.org/psindy11/merimee.

Derby

Derby day is arguably my favorite day of the year; always has been.  It was a great weekend.  I spent the day with my great friends.  My favorite part of the Derby is the playing of My Old Kentucky Home.  Thanks to Insight Cable, the digital picture started to freeze up.  Thankfully, that didn't happen during the race.  This Derby day meant a lot to me.  I've been doing the math for the last 7 months or so during my treatments when I was dreading time and I knew I'd be wrapped up by mid April.  I often prayed I'd make it through the treatments and I'd be able to really enjoy Derby.  I knew it would be bittersweet to enjoy the day with a sense of accomplishment and still hopefully be healthy.  I'm feeling great and am feeling as happy and healthy as I can be.  It's actually a weird feeling because I'm feeling completely normal for the most part and I don't feel like my days are numbered.  There were many times where I didn't know if I'd ever get back to half way normal.  I'm elated to be where I am now; hopefully the shoe won't drop anytime soon.  We are still trying to figure out what to do next but the more we learn, we have come more comfortable with getting my body built back up and not doing treatments for a little bit.  We might try and make it to the first week of June without a treatment.  I am also still eagerly waiting to get more information on some clinical trials.  I can't remember if I wrote about what we are waiting on.  I'm waiting on the doctor down at Vandy to get his panel approved that he wants to do that involves getting a biopsy from me and running tests on it to figure out what type of cell mutation I have.  Pending that test, I can get referred to a clinical trial that is specifically geared for the type of cell mutation.  He was hoping to have that approved in January but there is evidently a lot of bureaucracy in getting these types of things approved.  I'm eagerly anticipating getting that done.  I think that is about all right now.  I hope you had a good Derby as well.
Happy Mother's Day to the moms out there! 
God is good!

Derby Week: Dawn at the Downs

In this picture from left to right: Uncle Frank, Aunt Marianne, Craig, me, Emily, Morgan, Uncle Jim, and Aunt Kathy

We had a great time with some family at Dawn at the Downs yesterday. The girls didn't get to wear the sundresses we picked out the night before b/c it was so cold when we left the house but it was a great time. We love derby week in Louisville!!

Go Baby Go!

Derby Week: Mini Marathon by Janelle Richardson

Jamie, Chris, Janelle & Scott before the Race

Craig with Jamie & Scott after the race

Chris & Janelle after the race with their medals

 

When Michelle asked me to be a guest writer after Louisville's Derby Mini Marathon, I thought "what the heck will I write that won't bore you to pieces".  I tend to be long winded when I write and didn't want to make this all about me. BUT the Merimee's have been a major part of my running success.

Last year, 3 months after delivering my 2nd baby girl, my Gastroenterologist found a mass on my colon during a routine colonoscopy.  Luckily, the tumor was only precancerous and a foot of my colon was removed with surgery. After that terrifying cancer scare, I made a vow to myself to start taking better care of my body by eating healthier and exercising.  Months later, I'm sitting in a hospital with one of my best friends after she gets the diagnosis that her husband has stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  You never think these things can happen.  After all we were only 32, in the prime of our lives, married with little kids and considered ourselves pretty healthy.

Let me be clear, I was not a runner.  I didn't even really like exercise.  But I was motivated by Craig's and my story and stepped onto a treadmill even when I could barely run a mile without feeling like I was having a heart attack.  I challenged myself to run 3-4 times a week if I liked it or not.  My husband, Chris, and good friend, Sarah, encouraged me to sign up for all 3 Triple Crown Races plus the dreaded 13.1 mile Mini Marathon.  I joined a running group in the middle of January which committed me and held me accountable.  I got up at 6/6:30am every Saturday to run outdoors with my group, even on days when the wind chill was 8 degrees, there was snow on the ground and no one else from the group showed up except the coach and I.  I ran when my allergies acted up and I felt like poo, I ran when I was tired from being up with a baby throughout the night, I ran on my treadmill when it was raining or sleeting outside and I continued running even when I wanted to give up. 

My training was tough and inconvenient at times.  But my friend was going through a much tougher & inconvenient time in his life.  Why am I complaining???  I have my health.  I'm not hooked up to receive chemo. I'm not fatigued in the same capacity as Craig.  Every time I stepped on that treadmill or sidewalk, I thought of Craig, Michelle & those 3 beautiful girls.  It inspired me to keep fighting.  After all, Craig was fighting.  I realized we were both pushing ourselves, not through a sprint, but a marathon.  I wore my purple band around my wrist on many runs.  When I would feel like I just couldn't climb one more hill or take one more step, I would look down at my wrist and it would be enough motivation to keep me going.  I had lots of time to think while running.  I've probably spent hours thinking about Craig & Michelle, cancer and how their lives have changed.  Many runs, I would get choked up and find myself uncontrollably crying.

A couple months ago, I thought it would be a great idea to create a shirt I could wear during the Mini Marathon to bring more awareness to pancreatic cancer. Around the same time, our friend, Scott, mentioned the same idea to me. So last weekend Chris, Scott, Scott's neighbor Jamie, and I wore our purple shirts to the Mini.  They said, "Think the Mini is hard...Try Cancer.  Pancreatic Cancer Awareness".  You wouldn't believe the attention we received with these shirts.  One women came up to me before the race and told me about someone she knew that had pancreatic cancer.  She thanked me for wearing the shirt.  This is just one example.  All 4 of us received numerous comments from total strangers. I knew people were looking at our backs.  After all, there were 15,000 runners and you spend a good amount of time staring at people's backs while you're  running.  While a very small step in the right direction, maybe we were bringing more awareness to this cancer!

And as I approached mile 7 around Churchill Downs, I felt that feeling I've felt many times before.  I'm tired, I'm hot, I'm thirsty and my legs hurt.  But I knew Craig, Michelle, the girls and our friends, the Deitz's were right outside of the Downs on mile 8 and I must keep running.  And as I saw them cheering me on very enthusiastically, I suddenly felt the energy to keep going.  Yeah, I'm fighting!  I'm going to do this!  I will not stop to walk!  I will cross that finish line! And like angels, they all appeared again, this time yards away from the finish line when I really needed them.  I got a little emotional and my sore legs carried me across that finish line, my arms high in the air. 

Sometimes bad & scary situations help you realize what's really important in your own life.  They help you appreciate what you have, specifically your health.  They help motivate you to do tough things that might improve your health. And they help push you to achieve your own goals.  Life is not a sprint, but a marathon.  Thank you Craig for joining me mentally and emotionally on all my runs.  I credit you for pushing me beyond my wildest dreams from mile 1 to mile 13.1!  I hope to be running to raise money and more awareness for pancreatic cancer one day!  I will not let this cancer go unnoticed!  Keep fighting, Craig!  And I will be with you every mile of the way!

Very strange place right now

I have to say this is a very strange place right now. Not my house itself but there are a lot of things that are really normal right now. We are not centering our schedule around chemo. We are not deep in research. There is not a cancer schedule on the frig of CT scans, chemo dates, nuelasta shots. The girls aren't wanting to read books about cancer every other night. It is oddly normal. But there is still a sense that it is lingering that we can't shake. Not the cancer itself but this oddity that we will never have the luxury of just being left alone by this beast. There will be a day that it will rear its ugly head and have to be dealt with in the same fierceness as this past 6 months. We really haven't decided what the next steps are. Dr. Hirandi was going to call Dr. Berlin at Vandy and put their heads together. We talked with him Thursday of last week and voiced our concerns about starting any treatment with Gemcidibine since that might bump us out of a clinical trial with Gemcidibine in the mix. So he wanted to touch base with the smarties down at Vandy. He is going to call us Monday or Tuesday. We do have a CT scan on the schedule for June 4th for now but who knows if that will stay there b/c that is the next step in the wait and see plan.

Anyway. This is an odd place to be in. Should our goal be to be as normal as possible? Does that include Craig going back to work? I don't know the answers here. We can't live like the other shoe is going to drop at any moment but then how do we live? You can't ignore it. This cancer will have to be dealt with again. One doc said as soon as 4 weeks, one said up to 6 months. One says keep doing chemo so it stays at bay. The other says stop chemo and build strength so you can knock it out again. So what do you do with that? I would love to say pray that it just goes away but I am not sure that is realistic. I am not saying don't pray that way but if it does come back does that mean He didn't hear us? No. His Will be done, regardless if He chooses to answer in away that we wish.

I can say that each prayer along the way as been answered in some form or fashion. For example the first week my mom prayed for someone positive to walk into the situation. Answer: Kim, the recovery room nurse after the port procedure. Fast forward 5 months: mom prayed that something good would happen, something fun would happen to us that day. Within 12 hours Carla posted on my Facebook wall: "Do you want to go to the Final four in Houston?" rewind 15 years: I had come home from UK for the weekend and mom was asking me if I liked it there. I answered yes but I am a little lonely. I think I want a new boyfriend but not until January but I think I am ready to date someone seriously. Within a month I had met Craig.
Morale of the story: be careful what you ask my mom to pray for. It is like rubbing a genie in a lamp! :)
All jokes aside, our prayers have been answered over the passed six months. But now what? Yes of course continue to pray for our miracle. I do believe in miracles but more importantly I believe that God has a plan for our lives. I hope it is a plan with continued healing but how close to "normal" does that plan get?

There are days that I am empowered knowing that each thing that happens to this family goes through His hands first before it touches us. I am empowered knowing that God has a purpose and the purpose for this may not be known now, it may never be clear ever but it is empowered to know that He has a plan.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Several weeks ago there was a sermon at SECC that was about the meal where the woman who lived a "sinful life" poured her perfume on the feet of Jesus and washed His feet with her hair. Kyle preached on Luke 7. What an amazing story. As he wrapped up the sermon he threw out the question are you more like the women with the sinful life or are the pharisee that just goes through the motions of religion b/c that is the way that you were brought up? Are you just checking things off your list of obligation or are living a life for God like the "sinful women" was? Are you someone who knows about Jesus or are you someone that knows Jesus? I walked away that night feeling blessed. Because of cancer in my house I don't have the luxury to just go through the motions of religion. I talk to Him more than anyone on this planet. It is not just a weekly check in so see what's up, or a simple prayer at the dinner table or a Sunday visit to the closest church. It is a conversation.  Some days it is please get Craig through this chemo treatment with minimal side effects. Some days it is what I am I going to do in the future? Some days it is what do you want me to NOW!? Some days it is thanks for all you have done. Somethings I won't even type or speak about. But He knows there are some days...

There are cancer survivors and caregivers out there that write letters that start out "Thank you cancer for..." They write about how they have a new lease on life and they see how people care and love them. And I see that but let it be crystal clear, I will NEVER NEVER NEVER write such a letter. Thank you for nothing cancer. Get out of my house, you were never welcomed here!

BUT I have no choice but to be the woman in the story with the "sinful life". I have a vulnerable life that is hanging on by prayers. I don't have the choice to be Simon in the story. What a blessing! Never thank you cancer but thank you adversity that makes me cling to my Savior and have the kind of relationship that brings love, hope and healing into my house! I feel empowered knowing we are living His plan. Although it is not an easy plan to live it is His plan and somewhere in this mess He is planning prosperity for us. I definitely do not get it. The week of the last ERCP I was pretty ticked off at His plan. We walked in thinking that one was going to be different. Craig was feeling good and he was going to bounce back. No such luck. After three hours in the recovery room, nausea on the way home, vomiting at home, fatigue, down for the count again and a call from school, 2 out 3 kids with fevers, I HATED His plan. I was not empowered I was ticked and saddened. This was not what I had planned!! Raising three girls and staying married to my polar opposite was enough adversity for one to stay close to God. This cancer stuff is not what I needed.

In faith we seek Him and we learn to prosper in the plan that He hands us. I am not sure when the prospering starts but I do know that I have new courage to be there when people hear tough things like, "cancer" and "6 month" to live. It doesn't scare me to reach out. I have an experience and I am not afraid to share and be out there (well maybe a little some people don't like to hear about God for some reason). I am sure that is part of His plan in the future. Unfortunately it seems that this disease touches more and more people. I can be there. I get it. I don't get what it feels like to embody the disease but I know what it is like to have in your life, take over your life. So there has to be more to this than just getting through. We shall see where this leads...

So this month we have been challenged to read through Proverbs. One chapter a day for 31 days.
There was a quote in today's sermon that perfectly described where we are.
"We are drowning in information but starving for wisdom and knowledge"
So Proverbs is fatherly advice for all us. Each day a new chapter and at the end will be know what to do next, hopefully somewhere in the middle or maybe even Monday or Tuesday of next week we will know the next steps in treatment but this journey is more than just a chemo plan. So through this exercise of a chapter a day, will we find wisdom? We know the docs have plenty of information but we knew that God was going to have to tell the next step. So maybe this is a good place to find it.

Proverbs 1:7 The fear o the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Okay so that was WAAAAAY longer than I had ever anticipated. Sorry. I was actually going to blog about our awesome weekend. oh well.

Upcoming post:
Walk in Indy on June 25th - we are getting a team to go, ROAD TRIP baby!!!!
Mini-marathon - guess blogger and pictures to come. So proud of our runners!
Art therapy - some pictures the girls have done in art therapy - I have to ask them first. hang tight on this one.