It's about 9:30 in the evening and I'm counting down to about 10:15 when I can take my ambien and go to sleep. Michelle has come down with a pretty bad cold and she has been on the couch for an hour now trying to fight what she has with some sleepy cold medicine. I guess it's not the New Year's Eve you dream about but we are all here ready to live a new day and a new year for that matter. I'm ready for what 2011 has to bring us and I'm still optimistic it will be a good year all things considered. I'm watching the South Carolina game right now and I can't help but think of our affectionate vacation spot of Hilton Head. How I would love to get back there with the family this summer and hopefully with some friends again. I don't know what's in store but the beach sounds really nice right now. I still have a lot to be thankful for this past year including the special gift of our baby girl Hannah. She has been a blessing from day one; not another kid to take care of but truly a blessing with free smiles all day long.
I often wonder why I ended up with this crap hand I was given. Sometimes I think it's just a warning to everyone I love and know that life is precious and to take advantage of what life has to offer. If that's the case, it makes it worth it, all things considered to an extent. A lot of people tell me they push themselves because they know they can deal with whatever they are dealing with because of what I'm going through. That's fine and I'm glad and want to push people to stay the course. It actually pushes me because I know a lot of people look towards me to keep fighting. I'm still thankful for the good news the doc gave me just to let me know things were getting better and not worse. I needed that news because I didn't know what was going on inside of me. 3 months is a milestone for this disease and I was worried I'd be in that first group that doesn't make it to far out of the gate. I feel like I have time and can beat this. I'm not worried if this is "the month" anymore. I'm kind of glad I don't have any big tests for a little while so I can ride this momentum and stay positive.
Lastly, my new years resolution is to pray better and more consistently. I have a lot of conversations with God daily but I want to get better. This probably means more consistency when I wake up and when I go to bed. I hope everyone has a great new year however you are spending it. Please know I still appreciate all of the prayers and support from so many of you. God bless.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
thankful thursday
Craig is extremely tired. He seemed more tired during this treatment than any other one in the past (minus the first one). In the doctor's office he slept most of the time we were there and normally he just sleeps about an hour before lunch and then watches a movie during the second drug. At home he is sleeping a lot. He said that he felt like it was a Friday after treatment rather than the Thursday which meant he was extra tired. I am hoping it just means that he was tired from the holidays going into the treatment rather than a cumulative effect now that we are almost to the halfway mark. Maybe he is getting tired quicker so that he can get to feeling better quicker, maybe?
I went into the office today for a half day and then wandered around the mall since I knew the girls were having a blast at Michelle's house today. I haven't walked the mall in years. I felt like a normal person. I got a bunch of little things done while I was running around without kids. After we got home we decided to take down the Christmas decoration outside since it was in the 40s. The girls drove the Barbie Jeep up and down the driveway while I took down the lights. We got everything down except the blow up Santa who was wet and is on the porch drying. Then we decided to get everything in the house put away. They worked so hard tonight it is ridiculous. They took all the non-glass ornaments off the tree, then we ate dinner, they set the table and cleared, then when I was getting Hannah to bed they swaps the loads of laundry out, after I got Hannah down for the night they helped get the lights off the tree and then helped carry each branch downstairs to be stored in the basement. I am pretty sure I broke every child labor law in the state of Kentucky. They never complained and were the best little helpers. Honestly I probably wouldn't have gotten it done all in one night without their help. I am glad that I bought them dresses as Gymboree, they earned them for sure. It amazes me all they can do. They are just 3 (4 in Feb.) and 5. I am unbelievably blessed.
We have really pulled together when Craig is down. We have great girl power in this house. It is really wonderful. They bring me such joy and not just b/c they are cheap help but we really have fun getting it all done together. The other night we made banana bread muffins and then they cleaned the kitchen. They do a really good job too. Crazy little helpers. Once Hannah can walk I am sure she will join in.
Today was good. Yesterday I spent the majority of the day trying not to fall apart. I did get some work done and that is a great distraction but I kept going over something that the RN said on Tuesday. She was talking about a success story of a cancer patient that did great on his chemo. It was a similar story to Craig and he fought it for 10 years. That is great, right? Yes of course, 10 years is better than the 6 months he was handed in October but when I do the math in my head I will have a 15 year old, a 14 year old, and a 10 year old. Doesn't sounds like a big success then does it? Raising teens on my own? Dealing with the grief of three teenagers during the most hormonal years we live together, not so much. I have to think that they will come up with a cure if he just hangs on that long. Or best case scenario this six months of chemo just gets rid of it and we are cancer-free forever more, 100 years. Stranger things have happened. I am going to hang on to that hope for a while and take the blessing as they come.
I have to write a quick note of a couple thank yous. We are soooooo far behind on the thank you notes right now. I know that I am going to forget something but thanks to all those who have made dinners. They are so appreciated and every one of them have been so good. Yum! This week was Ives beef stew and Nikki's chicken and dumplings, so darn good.
Oldham County Chamber did a fundraiser for us. The money has been tucked in an account for the future. If we ever need to travel to a bigger cancer campus that is what the money will be used for. thanks so much for giving us the secure that it is sitting there if we need it.
Secret Santa at Vanguard thank you for the game, the girls loved it but the note brought tears to my eyes. For someone to think of us and pray for us is so incredibly touching.
Sheehy friends, this is so late but thank you for the wii accessories and gift card. You really shouldn't have.
Brent - thanks for fixing the garbage disposal, I won't shove that much food down it again.
Girlfriends - thanks for getting me out of here to talk about other things besides cancer. The drinks were tasty too.
There are so many more people that have helped us out, I could dedicate a whole other blog to just the thanks yous.
People ask daily what they can do and the answer is always pray for us. It is wonderful to know that so many people are rooting Craig and our family on in this battle but my fear is to give people something to do and then they forget about us. Like they checked it off their "to do" list. We need prayers. We need our miracle to be a cancer-free home. We need to be that case they can't explain and doesn't follow the typical pancreatic cancer story. So keep praying we really appreciate the support.
I went into the office today for a half day and then wandered around the mall since I knew the girls were having a blast at Michelle's house today. I haven't walked the mall in years. I felt like a normal person. I got a bunch of little things done while I was running around without kids. After we got home we decided to take down the Christmas decoration outside since it was in the 40s. The girls drove the Barbie Jeep up and down the driveway while I took down the lights. We got everything down except the blow up Santa who was wet and is on the porch drying. Then we decided to get everything in the house put away. They worked so hard tonight it is ridiculous. They took all the non-glass ornaments off the tree, then we ate dinner, they set the table and cleared, then when I was getting Hannah to bed they swaps the loads of laundry out, after I got Hannah down for the night they helped get the lights off the tree and then helped carry each branch downstairs to be stored in the basement. I am pretty sure I broke every child labor law in the state of Kentucky. They never complained and were the best little helpers. Honestly I probably wouldn't have gotten it done all in one night without their help. I am glad that I bought them dresses as Gymboree, they earned them for sure. It amazes me all they can do. They are just 3 (4 in Feb.) and 5. I am unbelievably blessed.
We have really pulled together when Craig is down. We have great girl power in this house. It is really wonderful. They bring me such joy and not just b/c they are cheap help but we really have fun getting it all done together. The other night we made banana bread muffins and then they cleaned the kitchen. They do a really good job too. Crazy little helpers. Once Hannah can walk I am sure she will join in.
Today was good. Yesterday I spent the majority of the day trying not to fall apart. I did get some work done and that is a great distraction but I kept going over something that the RN said on Tuesday. She was talking about a success story of a cancer patient that did great on his chemo. It was a similar story to Craig and he fought it for 10 years. That is great, right? Yes of course, 10 years is better than the 6 months he was handed in October but when I do the math in my head I will have a 15 year old, a 14 year old, and a 10 year old. Doesn't sounds like a big success then does it? Raising teens on my own? Dealing with the grief of three teenagers during the most hormonal years we live together, not so much. I have to think that they will come up with a cure if he just hangs on that long. Or best case scenario this six months of chemo just gets rid of it and we are cancer-free forever more, 100 years. Stranger things have happened. I am going to hang on to that hope for a while and take the blessing as they come.
I have to write a quick note of a couple thank yous. We are soooooo far behind on the thank you notes right now. I know that I am going to forget something but thanks to all those who have made dinners. They are so appreciated and every one of them have been so good. Yum! This week was Ives beef stew and Nikki's chicken and dumplings, so darn good.
Oldham County Chamber did a fundraiser for us. The money has been tucked in an account for the future. If we ever need to travel to a bigger cancer campus that is what the money will be used for. thanks so much for giving us the secure that it is sitting there if we need it.
Secret Santa at Vanguard thank you for the game, the girls loved it but the note brought tears to my eyes. For someone to think of us and pray for us is so incredibly touching.
Sheehy friends, this is so late but thank you for the wii accessories and gift card. You really shouldn't have.
Brent - thanks for fixing the garbage disposal, I won't shove that much food down it again.
Girlfriends - thanks for getting me out of here to talk about other things besides cancer. The drinks were tasty too.
There are so many more people that have helped us out, I could dedicate a whole other blog to just the thanks yous.
People ask daily what they can do and the answer is always pray for us. It is wonderful to know that so many people are rooting Craig and our family on in this battle but my fear is to give people something to do and then they forget about us. Like they checked it off their "to do" list. We need prayers. We need our miracle to be a cancer-free home. We need to be that case they can't explain and doesn't follow the typical pancreatic cancer story. So keep praying we really appreciate the support.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
treatment #5 day
doesn't it feel like we were just here? ugh.
We had a wonderful Christmas with the girls. They are just so fun. They are still driving the Jeep around the living room. They push the couches back so they have room to drive. They are at school now and Hannah is with my mom. She has another cold. Poor kid.
We are at treatment today so it starts again. Everyone seems upbeat about the results from the tumor marker and the CT scan so that is great. Karen is our RN today. She has been a oncologist nurse for 14 years. can you image? (yuck, I can't, I like my easy to piece together numbers) She is really helpful. I was asking her some hard questions about the stats and she isn't afraid to answer them. One huge thing that I have learned is that the medical field is full of uncertainty. She said one patient may do great on one treatment and a different patient with the same cancer could do horrible on it. So many people ask us what would be next, how long with this last and the answer is "I don't know." Not b/c they don't have ideas on what they would do with us but every situation is so different so you take one day at time, one treatment at a time, one scan at a time, one blood test at time and put it all together to come up with a plan for that day.
The current treatment plan is 12 times or 6 months so that about takes us up to Derby. If at some point a CT scan comes back horrible or a tumor marker skyrockets then we do something different. If the treatment doesn't shrink down to nothing in 6 months then they will probably have another plan. It is all a wait and see game. Which is fine. At times I want it all mapped out but life isn't like that (obviously). In the past I would have gone nuts not knowing and if we have to change courses it will probably throw us for a bit of a loop. But if we stay focused on God's plan for our life then it will all work out. I hope that His plan is that we are to learn from this 6 month stet with cancer and move on knowing He is in charge regardless what the next battle is. But if it is not then He will guide us through that as well. I think we are in a good place right now. It might be that the treatment seems to be going in the right direction but it could also be that we are secure in the plans that He has for us knowing that He will be there.
I am reading this intense book called, "Living with Thorns" by Mary Ann Froehlich. It is not a blowing sunshine and rainbows type book. It doesn't talk about staying positive in a crappy situation. It is about knowing God is there even when you think He is not. I am in a chapter about when God seem silent. It talks about the story of Lazarus. Here is a quote from the book: "We understand now that Jesus waited to perform His miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead, just as He waits to perform bigger miracles in our lives today. These miracles originate in His silence as we wait. The most significant miracle is that we trust Him in the storm."
Okay so His miracle was not to shield Craig from cancer (why? I don't know, but we are trusting the plan) but could a BIGGER miracle be right around the corner?
The week of diagnosis and weeks after I was in constant conversation with God. Now it is here and there but He still answer everyday. So I (and you) continue to pray that our miracle is right around the corner.
Gotta run and get lunch. Treatment is going well here. Continue to pray for our miracle.
Christmas pictures to come.
We had a wonderful Christmas with the girls. They are just so fun. They are still driving the Jeep around the living room. They push the couches back so they have room to drive. They are at school now and Hannah is with my mom. She has another cold. Poor kid.
We are at treatment today so it starts again. Everyone seems upbeat about the results from the tumor marker and the CT scan so that is great. Karen is our RN today. She has been a oncologist nurse for 14 years. can you image? (yuck, I can't, I like my easy to piece together numbers) She is really helpful. I was asking her some hard questions about the stats and she isn't afraid to answer them. One huge thing that I have learned is that the medical field is full of uncertainty. She said one patient may do great on one treatment and a different patient with the same cancer could do horrible on it. So many people ask us what would be next, how long with this last and the answer is "I don't know." Not b/c they don't have ideas on what they would do with us but every situation is so different so you take one day at time, one treatment at a time, one scan at a time, one blood test at time and put it all together to come up with a plan for that day.
The current treatment plan is 12 times or 6 months so that about takes us up to Derby. If at some point a CT scan comes back horrible or a tumor marker skyrockets then we do something different. If the treatment doesn't shrink down to nothing in 6 months then they will probably have another plan. It is all a wait and see game. Which is fine. At times I want it all mapped out but life isn't like that (obviously). In the past I would have gone nuts not knowing and if we have to change courses it will probably throw us for a bit of a loop. But if we stay focused on God's plan for our life then it will all work out. I hope that His plan is that we are to learn from this 6 month stet with cancer and move on knowing He is in charge regardless what the next battle is. But if it is not then He will guide us through that as well. I think we are in a good place right now. It might be that the treatment seems to be going in the right direction but it could also be that we are secure in the plans that He has for us knowing that He will be there.
I am reading this intense book called, "Living with Thorns" by Mary Ann Froehlich. It is not a blowing sunshine and rainbows type book. It doesn't talk about staying positive in a crappy situation. It is about knowing God is there even when you think He is not. I am in a chapter about when God seem silent. It talks about the story of Lazarus. Here is a quote from the book: "We understand now that Jesus waited to perform His miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead, just as He waits to perform bigger miracles in our lives today. These miracles originate in His silence as we wait. The most significant miracle is that we trust Him in the storm."
Okay so His miracle was not to shield Craig from cancer (why? I don't know, but we are trusting the plan) but could a BIGGER miracle be right around the corner?
The week of diagnosis and weeks after I was in constant conversation with God. Now it is here and there but He still answer everyday. So I (and you) continue to pray that our miracle is right around the corner.
Gotta run and get lunch. Treatment is going well here. Continue to pray for our miracle.
Christmas pictures to come.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
random thoughts while we wait...
It is 8:32 and I am sitting here waiting for my kids to get up and see what Santa brought them. I am about to bust. Even little Hannah is sleeping in. COME ON get up! Drive this Barbie Jeep around the living room! I had so many insight things that I wanted to put on the blog last night but ran out of steam at 11:00. We had Craig's family over for Christmas Eve as we normally do. It is a standing tradition to celebrate with them the night before. The is a certain level of noise that can't be achieved unless there are cousins around. You know what I mean? There is the normal sibling noise, playing, playing playing, fighting, back to playing. And there is play date noise, chatting, showing, playing. But cousin noise is whole level above and beyond anything you can experience with other playmates. We sent them to the basement last night. I absolutely love to hear it. It bring me back about 20 years. Me and my cousins were so loud when we played too. I think we were sent to the basement as well but it wasn't finished and I think when we were old enough we put on roller skates and made the most of it. But there is something awesome about cousins on Christmas. I am glad they are all the same age (months apart) and they can achieve that famous level of Christmas noise. When Hannah and Abby get in there next year and years to come it will even be better.
So I sit and wait. How long do you think Mary had to wait? I wonder if baby Jesus was a good baby? Did he sleep through the night? Did Mary send people out of the stable when she had to feed him?
Can you believe it snowed! It is so beautiful!!!! We have so much to be thankful for! I am so thankful to have my family and all that God has given us. I am so thankful for all of our friends that have gotten us through the past fall season. And I can't thank you enough for the prayers since October. I really can feel them and I live on them knowing they are there everyday. Cancer is the hardest thing we have been through but with every one's prayers we are making it through. Craig was doing bedtime prayers with Emily the night before last and she said that she was sick of talking about his medicine (chemo). I asked her if it scared her or if she was just tired of talking about it. She said she was just tired of hearing about. Yep, I hear ya but we still have to keep praying. They say when you talk to your kids about cancer they will take the lead from you. So if you show that you are scared they will be scared as well. After she said that we had to focus on Christmas. It was like, enough of this cancer talk let get on to the good stuff, Christmas, Santa, presents, family.
So we are taking our cues from the 5 year old this weekend and enjoy this awesome birthday! Let's get on with it! Bring on the king! Bring Him to our house and let's celebrate His birth!!!
Happy birthday Jesus!!!
I am giving them 5 more minutes and I am busting in that room! get up already!!! Christmas is HERE!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
So I sit and wait. How long do you think Mary had to wait? I wonder if baby Jesus was a good baby? Did he sleep through the night? Did Mary send people out of the stable when she had to feed him?
Can you believe it snowed! It is so beautiful!!!! We have so much to be thankful for! I am so thankful to have my family and all that God has given us. I am so thankful for all of our friends that have gotten us through the past fall season. And I can't thank you enough for the prayers since October. I really can feel them and I live on them knowing they are there everyday. Cancer is the hardest thing we have been through but with every one's prayers we are making it through. Craig was doing bedtime prayers with Emily the night before last and she said that she was sick of talking about his medicine (chemo). I asked her if it scared her or if she was just tired of talking about it. She said she was just tired of hearing about. Yep, I hear ya but we still have to keep praying. They say when you talk to your kids about cancer they will take the lead from you. So if you show that you are scared they will be scared as well. After she said that we had to focus on Christmas. It was like, enough of this cancer talk let get on to the good stuff, Christmas, Santa, presents, family.
So we are taking our cues from the 5 year old this weekend and enjoy this awesome birthday! Let's get on with it! Bring on the king! Bring Him to our house and let's celebrate His birth!!!
Happy birthday Jesus!!!
I am giving them 5 more minutes and I am busting in that room! get up already!!! Christmas is HERE!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Well goodness! 117!!
Craig just called the doctor's office for his tumor marker and it is down to 117! That is a big decrease.
Well holy crap.
I am trying not to get too excited b/c it is a marathon not a sprint and this disease will kick ya square in the gut when you think you are doing okay. And honestly I am really not use to good news these days but that number is something to celebrate.
I asked if they read his birthday rather than the tumor market number and he said no she was comparing it to the old one from two weeks ago so there you have it!
117!
"For I know the plans I have for you and not to harm you, plan to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
I pray that His plan for us to be done with this cancer stuff and the treatment to continue to move in the right direction!
Yeah for 117!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Well holy crap.
I am trying not to get too excited b/c it is a marathon not a sprint and this disease will kick ya square in the gut when you think you are doing okay. And honestly I am really not use to good news these days but that number is something to celebrate.
I asked if they read his birthday rather than the tumor market number and he said no she was comparing it to the old one from two weeks ago so there you have it!
117!
"For I know the plans I have for you and not to harm you, plan to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
I pray that His plan for us to be done with this cancer stuff and the treatment to continue to move in the right direction!
Yeah for 117!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Mixed Emotions and a mixed response
The CT scan cames back with "mixed response". The tumor in the pancreas shrunk (yeah) but the spots in the liver grew (boo!). There aren't any new spots (yeah!) but the liver spots that grew are troubling (boo!). Dr. Hamm recommended moving forward with the current treatment and reminded us that it is still early in the treatment plan. We are only on treatment #4 of 12. They went ahead and took blood to do the tumor marker and we will get those back tomorrow. They expect that to be down as it was last time.
I don't know what to think, we can't let every little case of bad news shake us up. We have to keep our eye on the big picture. The treatment is 6 months for a reason. This is a marathon not a sprint. Feels like a long a$$ marathon (pardon my french) but none the less it is really just another day on cancer island.
I was thinking of my last post. "Wouldn't it be great if we had a Christmas miracle on the CT scan?" It would have but His grace and love is sufficient. He gave His only son to us. That is more than enough.
Enough:
by: Chris Tomlin
All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough
His grace and love is enough for this Christmas. And we are thankful for the progress so far. The progress so far means we don't need to move to TX or visit Boston this week. And whatever the future holds is still in God hands.
Prayers that God answers us with a future clear CT scan (in all organs) and a Merry Christmas this week.
Merry CHRISTmas!!
I don't know what to think, we can't let every little case of bad news shake us up. We have to keep our eye on the big picture. The treatment is 6 months for a reason. This is a marathon not a sprint. Feels like a long a$$ marathon (pardon my french) but none the less it is really just another day on cancer island.
I was thinking of my last post. "Wouldn't it be great if we had a Christmas miracle on the CT scan?" It would have but His grace and love is sufficient. He gave His only son to us. That is more than enough.
Enough:
by: Chris Tomlin
All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough
His grace and love is enough for this Christmas. And we are thankful for the progress so far. The progress so far means we don't need to move to TX or visit Boston this week. And whatever the future holds is still in God hands.
Prayers that God answers us with a future clear CT scan (in all organs) and a Merry Christmas this week.
Merry CHRISTmas!!
Monday, December 20, 2010
CT Scan - No News Yet
I know a lot folks are eager to hear about the CT Scan but we don't have any news to share. We have a prescheduled appointment scheduled with Dr. Hamm tomorrow at 10:45 at his downtown office to go over the scan. I went in this morning to do the scan at Norton Brownsboro. I got to (had to) drink about 4 cups of contrast that tastes like lemonade which took me about an hour to almost finish. They then took us back and my scan lasted only about 10 minutes. They rolled me in and out of one of those big circle scan machines you enter lying down that I'm sure costs a few dollars. No one is allowed in the room during the scan. My view on the ceiling was the beach this time which was a little bit better than "space" which is what I stared out last time. The technician was of course not allowed to try and read the scan for us; that's customary. So we will wait until tomorrow and discuss with Dr. Hamm who probably won't even see the scan until shortly before we go in. I'm not sure how to much to read into this scan. We'd love to see nothing but that is doubtful as I still have some off and on abdominal pain. Hopefully we'll see shrinkage of the tumor; that is what I'm praying for. My last CT scan was done October 5th when I was in the hospital so there's no telling what could have happened between then and October 27th which is when I started. To me, its possible it could have grown some and is coming down now with the chemo but the tumor could be bigger now than back then (make sense?). Hope that is not the case but its some possible rationale. Worst news would probably be it has spread more or grown significantly. If everything is going in a positive direction, we'll continue with the same treatment I'm on. If things don't look as good, we'll be staring down other treatment options. Anyhow, we'll let you know what is going on when we get an opportunity. I had a good 10 minute conversation with God this morning during the scan. He has been so good to me and has always comforted me. This whole topic is for another post but I have to ask that if your relationship with him is fairweather or just more asking than praising, then please consider including him more. I'll write on this another day. God bless and we'll be in touch.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Merry CHRISTmas
But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you;
He is Christ the Lord."
Luke 2:10-11
Have a joyous and blessed CHRISTmas!
Love, Craig, Michelle, Emily, Morgan and Hannah
Thursday, December 16, 2010
take this thorn away
just a quick update. Craig is doing pretty good. He will be so tired tomorrow. I think it is common for cancer patience to have rough day 3s. It seems like the chemo knocks him out for day 3 and most of day 4. Sundays he seems to turn a corner. I really hope he gets to enjoy his down week to the fullest next week. I ran to Barnes and Noble to pick up a book for Emily's gift exchange at school tomorrow. I was looking through some Christan books. There was a book that all about modern day miracles. Wouldn't it be awesome if that CT scan came back Monday completely clear. Unexplainable clear? Oh what a Christmas present that would be. I try not to let my mind get too far. I try to stay realistic but it would be the best present ever. Well maybe second to my engagement ring. No, I think it would top the engagement ring but my diamond would be a close second. Craig and I were engaged on Christmas Eve 2000. I love Christmas Eve. Each year Craig and I exchange our gifts at midnight on Christmas Eve. We did skip over the year I had Emily b/c I was 12 days post C-section but other than that we haven't missed a year. Anyway. It would be an awesome gift if that CT was clear already. I don't expect it to be but it would awesome.
I did pick up a book called living with thorns. It is based off the scripture 2 Cor 12:7-9
There was given to me a thorn in my flesh... to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
I really pray He takes this thorn away. I know His grace should be sufficient but I really want my husband too, thorn less that is.
I did pick up a book called living with thorns. It is based off the scripture 2 Cor 12:7-9
There was given to me a thorn in my flesh... to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
I really pray He takes this thorn away. I know His grace should be sufficient but I really want my husband too, thorn less that is.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Emily is 5!
Completely out of order but here are Emily's birthday pictures. Emily turned 5 on Monday.
Emily Michelle
12/13/05 8lbs 2oz
Sleepy baby
Birthday breakfast
ice cream cake at Grater's after Tangled
Yeah, Emmy is 5!
super quick update
Craig is tired but doing good. He is eating meals (probably should be eating more). Home Health comes tomorrow afternoon to de-access his port. I wonder if they will make it in the ice...that should be interesting. Did Craig post yesterday that his billirubin number is still down to normal? It is a .6, which is good. They didn't do a tumor marker yesterday. White blood cell count was fine as well, obviously since he took (and is taking) chemo.
He is upstairs doing a very important job of wrapping my Christmas presents. I am not supposed to go up there. ;) That activity should wipe him out for about... the rest of the day. Hannah is watching him to make sure he is doing everything right.
We don't have another treatment scheduled in two weeks b/c they will do a CT scan on Monday 12/20 to see if his tumor has shrunk. If it is shrinking then we move forward with the treatment plan he is on. If it grew (gasp, don't even want to think about it) then I am not sure what is next. We have an appointment with Dr. Hamm Tuesday the 21st to go over the results of that CT.
On January 10th Dr. Vitale will redo the stent. The one that he has is temporary and could get clogged so they want to replace it with a more permanent one.
Christmas pictures are in so get ready for your Christmas cardin your mailbox on the blog.
Emily has dance this afternoon. Hannah's cold is getting better but she is still coughing a lot but it seems like she feels better.
All and all we are doing okay. gotta run.
He is upstairs doing a very important job of wrapping my Christmas presents. I am not supposed to go up there. ;) That activity should wipe him out for about... the rest of the day. Hannah is watching him to make sure he is doing everything right.
We don't have another treatment scheduled in two weeks b/c they will do a CT scan on Monday 12/20 to see if his tumor has shrunk. If it is shrinking then we move forward with the treatment plan he is on. If it grew (gasp, don't even want to think about it) then I am not sure what is next. We have an appointment with Dr. Hamm Tuesday the 21st to go over the results of that CT.
On January 10th Dr. Vitale will redo the stent. The one that he has is temporary and could get clogged so they want to replace it with a more permanent one.
Christmas pictures are in so get ready for your Christmas card
Emily has dance this afternoon. Hannah's cold is getting better but she is still coughing a lot but it seems like she feels better.
All and all we are doing okay. gotta run.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
At the Treatment
I'm getting started right now on my treatment and I'm taking in some anti nauseau medicine right now before the poison comes. I'll be hooked up here on the poison for about 4 hours and then they'll hook me up to my take home poison ball that will stay attached to me for 2 days. I've been fighting being positive this time around. That cold I had and fevers knocked me down a few notches and feel like I'm limping a little bit going into this treatment. They took my bloodwork earlier this morning and said everything actually looks good as for as my white blood cell counts and bilirubin are concerned. Not too much to report right now. I'm typing on here before I go into my weekly state of being a zombie. By the time I leave here today, my speech will kind of be humorously slurred pretty bad. That will wear off this evening. The next 2 days hopefully won't be too bad. Friday and Saturday will be my hardest days when I'm in serious fatigue mode. I should mention I hate this cold. At the begining of this I could walk my court and get some fresh air when it was warmer; that made me feel better. Now I'm afraid to be by a door when it opens. This is #4 of 13 treatments so we are underway. The CT scan scheduled for next week can not get here any quicker. I'm still amazed by the amount of people praying for us. I definitely believe in the power of prayer. We'll take them. My prayers often go out to the many that face this. As I'm sitting here, all the rooms are full, people are taking treatments left and right. I'll be signing off of here for about a week and put our lead blogger back in charge. We enjoy spending this time updating you. It's a little theraputic for us sometimes and its usually a one hour committment we take to write a post. I hope everyone gets the finishing touches done on their Christmas shopping. Remember Jesus is the reason for the season. God bless!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Tuesday is treatment Day
Tomorrow is another treatment day at Norton. He isn't feeling 100% after fighting that virus this weekend but I doubt his white blood cells are too low not to take the necessary evil. I am not even sure they will take a tumor marker count tomorrow since we will be doing a CT scan on the 20th which is just a short week away. Keep us in your prayers tomorrow for little side effects and effective treatment. We just need to get back on the prayer train and the land of hope instead the island of worry.
Also pray for Hannah, she has a cold and I would love for her to wake up tomorrow morning feeling better since I don't have much choice on whether to drop her off at daycare or not. She can't exactly go to the oncologist all day with us. Even with snot running out of her nose she is still so pretty.
I will post pictures of Emily birthday soon. She was so pleased with all her gifts. What a big birthday she had.
Also pray for Hannah, she has a cold and I would love for her to wake up tomorrow morning feeling better since I don't have much choice on whether to drop her off at daycare or not. She can't exactly go to the oncologist all day with us. Even with snot running out of her nose she is still so pretty.
I will post pictures of Emily birthday soon. She was so pleased with all her gifts. What a big birthday she had.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Tangled
The weekend ended on a good note. Emily's party went well. The movie Tangled was very cute. A must see for anyone. I realized late this evening that some of these struggles we have daily are just typical marital/family struggles. They are amplified by cancer but not caused by it. Craig's cold that turned into a fever wouldn't have taken him down for two days but he still would have been a baby about it and we still would have argued about it b/c well we are married and that is what most married people do. They bicker about who does more, who is going to pick up the last of the Christmas gifts, who is going to clean up the poopy diaper, who is going to take to school in the snow... blah blah blah. It is not cancers fault that we are running behind on Christmas gifts or the fact that I am so unorganized this year. It is not cancer's fault that Hannah has a cold and she is so sad. Cancer has just added a ridiculous amount of stress to this house so it is easy to blame everything on cancer right now.
One regret that I have is not making Christ more a part of our daily lives before this all went down. Yes we go to church and yes we pray every night at bedtime with the girls but I wish it was our quick go-to. The Bible has been the only place to find comfort in this situation for me. I have searched for medical answers and those are downright ugly. I have searched for a cancer community online and that brings little comfort. I think it brings comfort to Craig to know someone is going through the same thing as him. But as a caregiver the only place I have found HOPE and comfort is in Christ.
So I guess my point is the same thing that I have know 8 years of my marriage. Craig and I are very different and with Christ as the center of our family we can get through anything. And there are times that I do want to send him to a camp. Maybe not a cancer camp but a husband camp where husbands go that don't finish the laundry.
Tomorrow is Emily's 5th birthday. It is crazy that she is already 5. I looked at her the other day and had to do a double take. She actually looks like a 5 years old. Her whole demeanor has changed from pre-schooler to little girl in the past couple months. It great to see her with her friends. She is a very confident, precious little girl. She loves to dance, dress up, and all the Disney Princesses.
Some days I wish we could turn back the clock to June when we had Hannah or five years ago when we had Emily. Just whenever we weren't here. I have to remind myself that Craig has probably had cancer for years, maybe as many years as we have been married, we just didn't know then. We should have known it and treated it then but we didn't know so we are doing what we can now. At times I wish I knew that I would have him as long as I had planned. But I didn't know that then either. No one knows how long they have. I have to tell myself this a lot. I have a client that worked with years ago that was hit by a train months ago. She was driving with her husband after they left a party in NKY and a train hit the car. She lost her life instantly. She didn't know that was going to be her last day. We are never guaranteed a certain numbers of days. I don't think that it is fair that doctors give people expiration dates when giving a diagnosis. They don't know. Dicky V. said that during that basketball tournament the other night. Doctors know the disease not the patient. Dr. Morris didn't know how Craig would react to chemo but gave him the typical stats of pancreatic cancer. I don't think that is fair to do that to someone. I guess they have to set up realistic expectations but I still don't think they should say this is what is going to happen. They don't know, just like I don't know. I get scared every time Craig says something hurts. Before October 4th a stomach ache was just a stomach ache and on October 4th it was cancer. Does that mean a headache is not a headache? So stressful. Okay well this has gone to a Debbie Downer post and that was not my intent so I am just going to type my scripture of the week and move on.
Mark 10:45 "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many"
This hit me on Saturday night at church. Guess I better start to serve my family as God wants me to and not send them away to a cancer camp or husband camp...still learning to walk the walk... good thing He is a forgiving God.
One regret that I have is not making Christ more a part of our daily lives before this all went down. Yes we go to church and yes we pray every night at bedtime with the girls but I wish it was our quick go-to. The Bible has been the only place to find comfort in this situation for me. I have searched for medical answers and those are downright ugly. I have searched for a cancer community online and that brings little comfort. I think it brings comfort to Craig to know someone is going through the same thing as him. But as a caregiver the only place I have found HOPE and comfort is in Christ.
So I guess my point is the same thing that I have know 8 years of my marriage. Craig and I are very different and with Christ as the center of our family we can get through anything. And there are times that I do want to send him to a camp. Maybe not a cancer camp but a husband camp where husbands go that don't finish the laundry.
Tomorrow is Emily's 5th birthday. It is crazy that she is already 5. I looked at her the other day and had to do a double take. She actually looks like a 5 years old. Her whole demeanor has changed from pre-schooler to little girl in the past couple months. It great to see her with her friends. She is a very confident, precious little girl. She loves to dance, dress up, and all the Disney Princesses.
Some days I wish we could turn back the clock to June when we had Hannah or five years ago when we had Emily. Just whenever we weren't here. I have to remind myself that Craig has probably had cancer for years, maybe as many years as we have been married, we just didn't know then. We should have known it and treated it then but we didn't know so we are doing what we can now. At times I wish I knew that I would have him as long as I had planned. But I didn't know that then either. No one knows how long they have. I have to tell myself this a lot. I have a client that worked with years ago that was hit by a train months ago. She was driving with her husband after they left a party in NKY and a train hit the car. She lost her life instantly. She didn't know that was going to be her last day. We are never guaranteed a certain numbers of days. I don't think that it is fair that doctors give people expiration dates when giving a diagnosis. They don't know. Dicky V. said that during that basketball tournament the other night. Doctors know the disease not the patient. Dr. Morris didn't know how Craig would react to chemo but gave him the typical stats of pancreatic cancer. I don't think that is fair to do that to someone. I guess they have to set up realistic expectations but I still don't think they should say this is what is going to happen. They don't know, just like I don't know. I get scared every time Craig says something hurts. Before October 4th a stomach ache was just a stomach ache and on October 4th it was cancer. Does that mean a headache is not a headache? So stressful. Okay well this has gone to a Debbie Downer post and that was not my intent so I am just going to type my scripture of the week and move on.
Mark 10:45 "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many"
This hit me on Saturday night at church. Guess I better start to serve my family as God wants me to and not send them away to a cancer camp or husband camp...still learning to walk the walk... good thing He is a forgiving God.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
report from cancer island
It feels like we live on an island. People drop things off at the island but they don't want to stay too long. Some even come in and stay a couple minutes but nobody wants to stay too long on cancer island, including me. I have always been the one that finds comfort in numbers. Not a great quality if you are familiar with the phase "if she jumped off a bridge would you?" My answer would usually be can we have a party on the bridge before we jump, can we get some bungee cords and a life jacket and then jump together. In October I searched for cancer blogs like ours. I read people's entries to make sure my feelings were in sync with what was "normal". Doesn't look like there is a normal on any cancer island but it was comforting to know that others were out there on their island battling the same. I started to learn the local island language, counts, tumors, surgery, chemo etc. Recently I find no comfort in knowing that others are on their islands. I don't care that others are battling the same thing, that sounds bad, I do care, I just don't want to be on this island. I don't want to live on this island! I feel guilty saying that. what's the alternative... that doesn't sounds like a good island either.
I am so pissed at what this disease has done to my marriage and my family life. I am so pissed that my baby has to have her first Christmas on cancer island. I am so pissed that she started eating solids this week on cancer island. I am so pissed that my big girls have to see their dad struggle with this disease and live on this island. I hate that Emily's 5th Birthday is on cancer island. I had so many cute ideas for her 5th birthday party. It is a big one, 5 is a big deal.
Craig was being a grumpy yesterday and I had the nerve enough to say there has to be some kind of cancer camp you can go for a cure and come back when you are better. I want my cancer-free husband back. Cancer-Craig is unrecognizable at times. I hate this island. Some nights I cry to God, GET ME OFF THIS ISLAND!!
So this week we are not only battling cancer but some funky cold. Morgan dodged it. Emily tracked it in from school. I had it but could deal with it with a dose of Tylenol. Craig, of course, can't fight it. Apparently Nuelasta is no match for Junior Kindergarten germs. He ran a fever yesterday and the doc called in a Z-pac to be able to fight it so he can take chemo on Tuesday. Now poor little Hannah has it. She is cough like an old man and can't breathe in the middle of the night. Poor baby.
We have a birthday party to go to today for a sweet little girl in Emily's class and tomorrow is Emily's B-Day party with her friends. We are going to see Tangled and then eat ice cream cake at Grater's. She is super excited. I still have to get a lot together for tomorrow but it will get done one way or the other.
It is date night tonight. I pray that Craig and I can somehow enjoy ourselves so that I don't want to ship him to a cancer camp. (wow, that makes me mean and a really bad wife, whatever, blah).
I am so pissed at what this disease has done to my marriage and my family life. I am so pissed that my baby has to have her first Christmas on cancer island. I am so pissed that she started eating solids this week on cancer island. I am so pissed that my big girls have to see their dad struggle with this disease and live on this island. I hate that Emily's 5th Birthday is on cancer island. I had so many cute ideas for her 5th birthday party. It is a big one, 5 is a big deal.
Craig was being a grumpy yesterday and I had the nerve enough to say there has to be some kind of cancer camp you can go for a cure and come back when you are better. I want my cancer-free husband back. Cancer-Craig is unrecognizable at times. I hate this island. Some nights I cry to God, GET ME OFF THIS ISLAND!!
So this week we are not only battling cancer but some funky cold. Morgan dodged it. Emily tracked it in from school. I had it but could deal with it with a dose of Tylenol. Craig, of course, can't fight it. Apparently Nuelasta is no match for Junior Kindergarten germs. He ran a fever yesterday and the doc called in a Z-pac to be able to fight it so he can take chemo on Tuesday. Now poor little Hannah has it. She is cough like an old man and can't breathe in the middle of the night. Poor baby.
We have a birthday party to go to today for a sweet little girl in Emily's class and tomorrow is Emily's B-Day party with her friends. We are going to see Tangled and then eat ice cream cake at Grater's. She is super excited. I still have to get a lot together for tomorrow but it will get done one way or the other.
It is date night tonight. I pray that Craig and I can somehow enjoy ourselves so that I don't want to ship him to a cancer camp. (wow, that makes me mean and a really bad wife, whatever, blah).
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Jimmy V Classic
Admittedly, I often thought of the Jimmy V Classic as a couple of good basketball games, I think UK even played in it recently. I watched Jimmy V's speech today and have come to appreciate how much he has meant to so many and how special that speech really was. "If you can do 3 things in a day: laugh, use your mind to think, and move yourself to tears all in one day, then you've lived a full day." Not exact quote there but same premise. It's true. Yesterday, I lived a full day. I got have to fun with a buddy of mine and laugh as I constantly reminded him a cancer patient was whipping him at wii golf and tennis etc. I got to spend some Craig time alone as I rested in bed during the evening and I thought, A LOT. It moved me to tears for a good 30 minutes as I reflected on how many blessings I have and how enjoyable life really is. Yesterday was a great day, it was an exhausting day but a great day. Good exhaustion = Good Day; not to be confused with those other exhausting days we often have as well. Anyhow, Jimmy V left behind a great legacy as he started a foundation for the purpose of cancer research so he could help others. It was already too late for him but he desperately wanted to help maybe his kids or anybody beat cancer if that would ever happen to them God forbid. I researched the foundation and in its 18 years, his foundation has raised over 100 million dollars with the proceeds going to research to help find different cures for cancer. This is emotional for me because research is the biggest thing is needed. We have made great strides but we still lose too many people every year. Clinical trials are absolutely great and are needed to further what we know. I often say I'm glad I didn't have this problem 5 years ago because we've learned so much since then. However, if I could only have gotten this 5 years from now, imagine how much more we'll know. The foundation actually promises 100% of donations go directly to research as it's endowment covers all administrative costs. I'm donating my $25, least I can I do I guess. I think the numbers are 1 in 4 will be touched by cancer. Many people on here have been closely effected either by a parent, a sibling, a child, good friend, etc. Heck we've got survivors following the blog. I'd like to do something interesting, see how many people on here have someone close to them (other than me :) ) that has been affected by cancer. You can tell me mulitple. Let me know how they are doing. It will also let me know if you are still reading. We monitor our comments so it may a take a little bit for it to show up so don't fret about that, we'll get you added. Enjoy your basketball games tonight and catch the Jimmy V speech on Youtube if you get a chance. "Cancer can not touch my mind, it can not touch my heart and it can not touch my soul."
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Friday - mom's Bday
Craig went and got his Nulasta shot this morning (thanks Scott for taking him). He has been doing really well taking care of himself this time. He has been keeping up with his medication on his own getting up in the morning on his own. All good things. He is so tired. He is irritated he is tired and doesn't want to do anything. I am not sure what to suggest. He is sick of watching TV and movies seem so long. He doesn't want to play on the Internet or do online Christmas shopping. I (jokingly) suggested teaching how to buy media but he turned the offer down. He reads for bits at a time but it seems that his attention span is very short. I am not sure if it is the chemo or if he is frustrated being in the house since Tuesday or if he is too tired to think for long periods of time. I think he will feel better tomorrow afternoon. He seems to all the sudden turn a corner day 5 and it is easier until day 7 when he feels normal again.
He said the nurse at the office today said something like that is quite the combo of chemo they have you on. I asked if he told her that he had three kids and his wife didn't give him much choice? He said no he just told her he was young so they thought it would be his best shot. I guess that says a lot for his strength. If a nurse that has probably seen all kinds of chemo and patients reactions to different drugs says that and he taking the chemo well, that really says a lot for his strength. I could sit here and say I can't believe how well he is doing but I can believe it. He is about the most calm cool and collected person on the planet. He is like a walking Zoloft. When we surprisingly had Emily and Morgan so close together it never phased him. Two sets of diapers, you take that one, I will take this one. Two bedtimes, two of just about everything, he just took it in stride. When his father past away 3 years ago he was crushed but knew the relationship they had was awesome and had no regrets. He missed him daily but took it all in stride. Cancer, has taken our breathe away, the diagnosis, the stats, the surgeries, the treatment decisions, the treatment complications, but now that he feels better and can tolerate the treatment he is taking it all in stride. He is frustrated and exhausted more than I have ever seen him but still taking it all in stride. The days that I panic he is the one saying it will work out, I plan on being here. Some days I think did he not hear what they said on October 4th? did he not google pancreatic cancer? Did he not read the CT report? But he knows and he takes it all as the next challenge and knows that it will okay. That is who he is. That is why people trust him. The first year of our marriage it ticked me off that nothing phased him. I thought it meant he didn't care. He was so calm about everything and I am the person that if you care about something you say or do something about it, no matter if it ruffles some one's feathers. We still go head to head at times b/c of this difference. But b/c his consistence of being a rock has brought so much comfort in the past especially since we have had kids I can see now that he does care that is why he is calm about everything. It takes everything in stride not b/c he doesn't care but b/c he does.
Today the girls and I made a cake for my mom and ran some errands to get out of here for a while. We watched the Grinch about 10 times. They adore that Christmas special. Last year they watching at least a 1000 times and I am sure we will hit that number again this year. It was my mom's birthday so she came over for dinner. The girls picked out light pink roses for her at Kroger. We played Go Fish, memory and BINGO. I love that they are old enough to play games now. It is so fun to sit and watch their personalities come out. Mom said tonight that she thought Morgan would be the kid winning the running race until someone fell and she would be the one to stop to help them up. Yep, she is a head strong little lady with a heart of gold. We were playing memory and Emily can run circles around anybody in that game but Morgan with her one little match was trying to help Emily out by pointing to the card she thought matched with the one Emmy was looking for. We did a Toy Story 3 puzzle and when we were done Morgan said, "when daddy wakes up, I'm gonna show it to him."
It is one thing for a mom to spend the entire day with a little girl but if she can get five minutes of dad's attention then the struggle with a 100 piece puzzle is worth it.
Yesterday Morgan wasn't feeling well and I told her on the way back from the doctor's office that she needed to stay away from Craig so that he doesn't get sick and she started to cry in the backseat b/c she couldn't play with him that afternoon. That scares me. I know that if Craig doesn't beat this they will have a hard time and if you pick up any book about raising daughters it will say that the relationship that will shape their relationships with the opposite sex is their relationship with their dads. I was honestly worried about them long term, what will their marriages be like if they don't have both parents to model after? But I hadn't thought about the day to day. He plays with them constantly. They play the wii, they dance, they pretend stuff that I can't come up with. It worries me. But I just have to pray that never happens. I have to trust him when he says, I plan to be here. He is really working hard to do just that, be here.
I was talking to one of my dear friends from college on Wednesday afternoon. I told her I felt like an idiot being okay with things and really thinking that things were going to be okay. I also said that the girls were doing fine with everything. They think that it will be taken care of and I don't know if I have mislead them but I think they are just trusting that it will be okay. And she said that is what the Bible has told us to do,\be trusting like child in God. He is the God that saves and you can trust Him like a child. Without a doubt, trust Him like a child. So that is what we will do. take it all in stride and trust Him like a child trust.
He said the nurse at the office today said something like that is quite the combo of chemo they have you on. I asked if he told her that he had three kids and his wife didn't give him much choice? He said no he just told her he was young so they thought it would be his best shot. I guess that says a lot for his strength. If a nurse that has probably seen all kinds of chemo and patients reactions to different drugs says that and he taking the chemo well, that really says a lot for his strength. I could sit here and say I can't believe how well he is doing but I can believe it. He is about the most calm cool and collected person on the planet. He is like a walking Zoloft. When we surprisingly had Emily and Morgan so close together it never phased him. Two sets of diapers, you take that one, I will take this one. Two bedtimes, two of just about everything, he just took it in stride. When his father past away 3 years ago he was crushed but knew the relationship they had was awesome and had no regrets. He missed him daily but took it all in stride. Cancer, has taken our breathe away, the diagnosis, the stats, the surgeries, the treatment decisions, the treatment complications, but now that he feels better and can tolerate the treatment he is taking it all in stride. He is frustrated and exhausted more than I have ever seen him but still taking it all in stride. The days that I panic he is the one saying it will work out, I plan on being here. Some days I think did he not hear what they said on October 4th? did he not google pancreatic cancer? Did he not read the CT report? But he knows and he takes it all as the next challenge and knows that it will okay. That is who he is. That is why people trust him. The first year of our marriage it ticked me off that nothing phased him. I thought it meant he didn't care. He was so calm about everything and I am the person that if you care about something you say or do something about it, no matter if it ruffles some one's feathers. We still go head to head at times b/c of this difference. But b/c his consistence of being a rock has brought so much comfort in the past especially since we have had kids I can see now that he does care that is why he is calm about everything. It takes everything in stride not b/c he doesn't care but b/c he does.
Today the girls and I made a cake for my mom and ran some errands to get out of here for a while. We watched the Grinch about 10 times. They adore that Christmas special. Last year they watching at least a 1000 times and I am sure we will hit that number again this year. It was my mom's birthday so she came over for dinner. The girls picked out light pink roses for her at Kroger. We played Go Fish, memory and BINGO. I love that they are old enough to play games now. It is so fun to sit and watch their personalities come out. Mom said tonight that she thought Morgan would be the kid winning the running race until someone fell and she would be the one to stop to help them up. Yep, she is a head strong little lady with a heart of gold. We were playing memory and Emily can run circles around anybody in that game but Morgan with her one little match was trying to help Emily out by pointing to the card she thought matched with the one Emmy was looking for. We did a Toy Story 3 puzzle and when we were done Morgan said, "when daddy wakes up, I'm gonna show it to him."
It is one thing for a mom to spend the entire day with a little girl but if she can get five minutes of dad's attention then the struggle with a 100 piece puzzle is worth it.
Yesterday Morgan wasn't feeling well and I told her on the way back from the doctor's office that she needed to stay away from Craig so that he doesn't get sick and she started to cry in the backseat b/c she couldn't play with him that afternoon. That scares me. I know that if Craig doesn't beat this they will have a hard time and if you pick up any book about raising daughters it will say that the relationship that will shape their relationships with the opposite sex is their relationship with their dads. I was honestly worried about them long term, what will their marriages be like if they don't have both parents to model after? But I hadn't thought about the day to day. He plays with them constantly. They play the wii, they dance, they pretend stuff that I can't come up with. It worries me. But I just have to pray that never happens. I have to trust him when he says, I plan to be here. He is really working hard to do just that, be here.
I was talking to one of my dear friends from college on Wednesday afternoon. I told her I felt like an idiot being okay with things and really thinking that things were going to be okay. I also said that the girls were doing fine with everything. They think that it will be taken care of and I don't know if I have mislead them but I think they are just trusting that it will be okay. And she said that is what the Bible has told us to do,\be trusting like child in God. He is the God that saves and you can trust Him like a child. Without a doubt, trust Him like a child. So that is what we will do. take it all in stride and trust Him like a child trust.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Thursday 12/2
Craig is doing remarkably well. He is really tired and is actually sleeping a lot this time. After treatment #2 he was tired but couldn't ever fall asleep except with Ambien at night. He got so bored and was frustrated that he was doing nothing. This time he is at least sleeping. Home health comes today at 2:00 and I know that he looks forward to being cordless but it doesn't seem like he is counting down the minutes until she/he arrives like he did the last two times. He is up and about, eat normal foods rather than is jello and applesauce he was living on last time.
I think Morgan has strep throat (hope she wasn't kissing on her friends yesterday at school or at dance). We are headed to the pediatrician this morning so see what is up. We will need to call the oncologist office to see if they want Craig to do something more than just the Nulasta shot tomorrow. All in days work... sigh...
Please pray that the home health nurse that comes today goes better than last time. Pray for a nurse that is not easily distracted.
I can't thank everyone enough for the prayers. There are times that I sit at my computer and am completely overwhelmed with the support we have received. People have come out of the woodwork and it is so comforting knowing that so many people are rooting us on and praying like crazy for our miracle.
Update: no strep for Morgan, just a virus.
I think Morgan has strep throat (hope she wasn't kissing on her friends yesterday at school or at dance). We are headed to the pediatrician this morning so see what is up. We will need to call the oncologist office to see if they want Craig to do something more than just the Nulasta shot tomorrow. All in days work... sigh...
Please pray that the home health nurse that comes today goes better than last time. Pray for a nurse that is not easily distracted.
I can't thank everyone enough for the prayers. There are times that I sit at my computer and am completely overwhelmed with the support we have received. People have come out of the woodwork and it is so comforting knowing that so many people are rooting us on and praying like crazy for our miracle.
Update: no strep for Morgan, just a virus.
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