This weekend Craig seemed restless and uncomfortable. We had a hospice nurse come out yesterday afternoon to give some good advice and guidance. We have increased his pain meds to every two hours rather than every three hours and added in an anti-nausea med to the day. Sometimes he seems confused and can sometimes describe what he is confused about and other times he is clear in thinking and can talk about March Madness and the details of the tournament. I guess that is basketball in the Bluegrass for ya.
So as of Saturday night I am tracking his pain meds etc. We will see what the future holds as far as him being able to stay home. The plan is/was to be able to keep him here as long as we could for the sake of the logistics for the girls in the end. I am not sure those logistics are worth them witnesses the complete deterioration of their dad. I have been anxious about these types of decisions for over a year and now that we are closer I am not anxious about it. I know the Lord will lead and let us know the right timing and place for all this to occur. He has in the past and why I thought He would stop at the end and I would have to make those kinds of decision without His guidance seems silly now that we are a couple weeks away from that.
So we need prayers for clarity in decision making over the next couple weeks. We need prayers for a peaceful home regardless the circumstances. God will provide that peace. Peace is the ultimate goal each and everyday. There are a lot of people that want to help and if I tell you no you can't stop by at that moment, please don't take it personally. The more people that come in and out of here the more confusing it gets and the harder it is on Craig, the girls and me. Craig seems to still want to take care of his household and his energy level is in the negatives so it is hard on him to worry about who is here etc. I need down time, I need mindless TV time while I fold laundry (most nights). There are times I need someone to talk to but there are also times I just need a quiet house. And there are times that I need help. I can promise you this, I know what I need and when I need it. So really the best thing you can do to help us is pray for peace and I will let you know if we need anything else.
We are studying The Story throughout the year at SECC since it is the 50th Anniversary for the church. So we started in the beginning in February with Adam and Eve and we are to the ten commandments. The old testament is tough and dry, it makes me yearn for Easter so badly. Locust, and floods, gold pigs, and laws that are impossible to follow and the wrath of God, and suffering, walking around in the desert....Oh my Gosh... come on EASTER already. The timing of the story seems to be a direct correlation of what is going on here. You read passages about plagues of frogs and locust etc. and you think HOW bizarre! What in the world is God thinking about? I have said that about so many things on this journey and some of the things that happen when a person is down to last weeks, how bizarre! It feels like we are wandering in the desert right now but we know the end is full of redemption and restoration. A perfect plan so the study right now makes me thirsty for the "happily ever after" ending that Easter gives us as well as the "happily ever after" ending that Easter gives Craig. I yearn for him to have a body that doesn't take pain meds around the clock. I yearn for him to have a mind that is not foggy. I yearn for a better life for him. And b/c of what Jesus did on the cross he will soon enough... we just have to be patient and get there with the bizarre stuff that gets us there and pray for peace through this time that feels like a journey through the desert.
PS. I am going to post some pictures of last year's trip to TX, can you believe that was a year ago?