we are here and that is about it so I am bullet pointing today:
counts: OK accept red blood cells are a little low
solution: adding something that will help that (forgot the name) and decreasing the chemo by 25%
tumor marker: taken next time when we see the doc
next CT: two weeks from yesterday
overall attitude about situation: positive
today's mood: yuck
He hates getting "beat up" every other week and it is a mentally draining to sign yourself up to feel like crap for a couple days even if the overall goal is a good one.
Martial status: struggling (everyone has struggles but you throw cancer on top and they are magnfied) nothing to worry about, just pray for peace.
that's it for now.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Some random thoughts
1. I feel very positive right now, almost too positive which scares the heck out of me.
2. I'm lucky this chemo is working so far, I'm in the minority.
3. My sister's friend at Southwest gave me a buddy pass which is good for a free roundtrip flight anywhere Southwest goes. I'm not going anywhere right now but it feels good I have a little slip laying on my dresser that can get me the heck out of here and on a warm beach in just a couple of hours whenever I want.
4. My biggest thing to look forward is a family vacation to Hilton Head which I pray everyday I'm healthy enough to do this summer.
5. I told Michelle I have to get to Wrigley Field this summer. I again pray for a good summer.
6. Morgan's B-Day is in 9 days; the girls' birthdays are a yearning of mine.
7. Tomorrow our blog will get it's 45,000th hit, that's a lot of love and we feel it. I hope you are the lucky one.
8. I'm watching The Great Outdoors right now, classic movie.
9. I'm looking forward to 2 family weddings this September, again, need good health.
10. I'm not looking forward to Tuesday for next treatment but am looking forward to my next CT scan on Feb 28th.
God is still working miraculously in my life and I hope He is in yours.
2. I'm lucky this chemo is working so far, I'm in the minority.
3. My sister's friend at Southwest gave me a buddy pass which is good for a free roundtrip flight anywhere Southwest goes. I'm not going anywhere right now but it feels good I have a little slip laying on my dresser that can get me the heck out of here and on a warm beach in just a couple of hours whenever I want.
4. My biggest thing to look forward is a family vacation to Hilton Head which I pray everyday I'm healthy enough to do this summer.
5. I told Michelle I have to get to Wrigley Field this summer. I again pray for a good summer.
6. Morgan's B-Day is in 9 days; the girls' birthdays are a yearning of mine.
7. Tomorrow our blog will get it's 45,000th hit, that's a lot of love and we feel it. I hope you are the lucky one.
8. I'm watching The Great Outdoors right now, classic movie.
9. I'm looking forward to 2 family weddings this September, again, need good health.
10. I'm not looking forward to Tuesday for next treatment but am looking forward to my next CT scan on Feb 28th.
God is still working miraculously in my life and I hope He is in yours.
Friday, February 11, 2011
thankful thursday (on friday morning)
So many things to be thankful for. I have a VERY clean house. Some wonderful angel sent me a gift certificate for a 2-hour house cleaning. The crew came on Tuesday. This house has never been so clean. I didn't want to use the microwave it was so clean. So the agency called this morning to make sure everything went okay and said that this angel has provided this service once a month! WHAT! Once a month!!! I just sat there at the kitchen table in shocked. shocked. Once a month! It wasn't an inexpensive service. Tears at the breakfast table. I have tried to guess who could be this kind to us? With all the meals that come in and the prayers and now this has been provided b/c of the wonderful people. The biggest blessing is the list that goes through my mind of he potential people that could have done this for us. God has provided an unbelievable support system for us. Thank you!!!!!!
I am so thankful for my friends. There are people that help me DAILY! Special thanks to my former assistant, now wonderful friend, Emily who watched he girls last night while Craig and I went to the Overcoming Adversity group at SECC. Emily, they love you. Morgan was in a great mood this morning. And their braids look great. thanks. ;)
I am so thankful for Southeast and its many blessings it has provided. Last night as Craig spoke at the group there were people that poured out there stories of ways God has provided in their lives. They GET IT. God has the ability to let peace and joy in the house even in this situation. He can make that CT scan clear and that is our prayer. It is not too much for Him. He has been with each of he rotten situations described in that room and He is the answer.
thank you for the prayers.
Also please add a family to the list. I found a cancer blog awhile back and I have been following their story. They also have three kids (they even have an Emily). The wife has battled ovarian cancer for four years. She has decided against any further treatment after much prayer. She is letting go and letting God. Please pray for peace in their home. They are an inspiration and we pray for their family in the upcoming weeks. Add Kristi and Brian and kids to the list.
Looking forward to the warmer weather next week.
I am so thankful for my friends. There are people that help me DAILY! Special thanks to my former assistant, now wonderful friend, Emily who watched he girls last night while Craig and I went to the Overcoming Adversity group at SECC. Emily, they love you. Morgan was in a great mood this morning. And their braids look great. thanks. ;)
I am so thankful for Southeast and its many blessings it has provided. Last night as Craig spoke at the group there were people that poured out there stories of ways God has provided in their lives. They GET IT. God has the ability to let peace and joy in the house even in this situation. He can make that CT scan clear and that is our prayer. It is not too much for Him. He has been with each of he rotten situations described in that room and He is the answer.
thank you for the prayers.
Also please add a family to the list. I found a cancer blog awhile back and I have been following their story. They also have three kids (they even have an Emily). The wife has battled ovarian cancer for four years. She has decided against any further treatment after much prayer. She is letting go and letting God. Please pray for peace in their home. They are an inspiration and we pray for their family in the upcoming weeks. Add Kristi and Brian and kids to the list.
Looking forward to the warmer weather next week.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
On the positive
I have been having some really good days this week and feel like I have tons of things to talk about that are on my mind. I'm about the most positive I've been this week mainly because I'm feeling good. I like being positive, I may still shed a tear each day but it is for joy, I'm a little emotional still. I had 2 good lunches this week with ole work buddies that was a little overdue. Work is something that I think about a lot because I've now been 4 months removed from doing it. I miss a lot people and those relationships that I had formed over the 10 years I have been at BB&T (my 10 year anniversary was the day I checked into the hospital). I've been trying to find the right time to poke my head in a meeting to say hi but haven't the opportunity and unfortunately the schedules don't always jive. I also think about how much I want to get back to work but am scared for that day. I miss work in the sense that my worries were work worries but they weren't life worries. I hope I get back sometime this summer which means I'm feeling good, it means I'm in shape. I'm also scared as heck to when/if that day comes just because I envision myself to be overcome emotionally of just making it back to work. I'm worried I'll be fit emotionally and physically to take it's normal toll from the day. My best days now I still take a 2 hour nap in the afternoon so I can't even imagine right now that I may someday have the ability to work a full day. I'll have to get my strength built back up. I'd need to gain about 15 lbs at least, my little secret now that I won't share with you the number, I don't weigh much, at all. I've lost about 40 lbs total. My other problem with going back to work is I'd need a total wardrobe overhaul. All this being said, I hope I can make it back to work.
In another thought, my blessing I realized I'm not the most grateful for but will take on is my "taking one for the team." I spoke up at a church group function tonight about overcoming adversity, for example, and my story is a quite compelling one that usually puts things in perspective pretty quickly. I've had many people that have shared with me that my story has put things in their own life in "perspective." In this sense, I don't mind taking one for the team and I've mentioned before that sometimes I wonder if this is a reason I was given this disease. I've got a quite compelling story to share. I found one stat on the internet from the cancer institute that 0.4% of those folks diagnosed with pancreatic cancer are 34 and below. That's pretty bad luck on my part. I am the extreme minority of this horrible disease. I still take some solace in knowing that my body is/was in better shape than most of my unfortunate comrades. Anyhow, if my story makes you view things in a different light, I don't mind and I'll "take one for the team."
Lastly, the biggest point I emphasized in my church group tonight is that the power of prayer is powerful. I feel the prayers from people in different parts of the country and from here. A lot of folks ask what they can do or have the desire to do something for me. One of the most powerful things you can do for me is to pray for myself and importantly my family. This also means having a conversation with God about the miracle we are asking for. We believe that God can do anything and can make this happen.
In another thought, my blessing I realized I'm not the most grateful for but will take on is my "taking one for the team." I spoke up at a church group function tonight about overcoming adversity, for example, and my story is a quite compelling one that usually puts things in perspective pretty quickly. I've had many people that have shared with me that my story has put things in their own life in "perspective." In this sense, I don't mind taking one for the team and I've mentioned before that sometimes I wonder if this is a reason I was given this disease. I've got a quite compelling story to share. I found one stat on the internet from the cancer institute that 0.4% of those folks diagnosed with pancreatic cancer are 34 and below. That's pretty bad luck on my part. I am the extreme minority of this horrible disease. I still take some solace in knowing that my body is/was in better shape than most of my unfortunate comrades. Anyhow, if my story makes you view things in a different light, I don't mind and I'll "take one for the team."
Lastly, the biggest point I emphasized in my church group tonight is that the power of prayer is powerful. I feel the prayers from people in different parts of the country and from here. A lot of folks ask what they can do or have the desire to do something for me. One of the most powerful things you can do for me is to pray for myself and importantly my family. This also means having a conversation with God about the miracle we are asking for. We believe that God can do anything and can make this happen.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
comments
People have emailed that they can't leave comments any more. I am not sure why but I am looking into it. This blogger thing has about a billion setting options and it is like reading a legal document.
If some professional blogger has any advice email me.
We are doing pretty good. Craig is feeling good and meeting some peeps for lunches this week. I wish he had some volunteer work or something that he liked to do. He was such a worker bee at the bank before all this cancer crap went down. I don't see him breaking out the soccer ball any time soon, and you can only watch so much sports on ESPN so he is kind of stuck sometimes in between treatments. He is not a big reader either. Whatever, he will get through but he is feeling pretty darn good.
Hannah is trying to crawl much to her mama's dismay. The first baby you are so excited to see what they can do. But by the third you know what they can do and get into and most the time you are not looking. I was on a call yesterday and Hannah got into a whole box of tissues. I don't know what the deal is with tissues but all my kids have thought that was the thrill of a lifetime taking all the tissues out of the box and making a pile next to them. Oh and she was chewing a piece like gum. Anyway she is scooting backwards and she gets stuck under furniture. fun stuff.
Anyway there is not much to report. Craziness at work. Emily is doing great. All the sudden she is a grown up. Gets dressed on her own in the morning, all homework for the week is complete on Monday night. Craziness. She talks and walks like a girl not a preschool. Insane.
Morgan is still having her ups and downs but day by day we are working through some of them.
We were reading through good ole Love scripture (love is patient, love is kind...) at the dinner table and it went fine last night and tonight every time I started to read Hannah (7 months, keep in mind) would let out a holler and then laugh. So much for getting through that little exercise to prep for Valentine's Day. What a goofy kid (already).
I am still irritated but not quite as bad as last week. This week I was wondering WHY? Why couldn't this be a liver disease that is controlled by diet or Hep A or B. Those are all diseases that might cause jaundice (which was the deciding symptom in seeking medical help). Why this mess? Is there another option here that we can could from the google list?
I finished my book but I think I am going to read it over and over and over.
I started it over last night after I had thought about the diagnosis yesterday. I felt like I was moving backwards. I think I went straight to acceptance and now I am going back through the stages of grief. off track... so I started the book over and the last line of the first chapter reads:
"More important than the question "why" is "who." Whom do we trust? Whom do we run to when life is unbearable? We are finally led not the the answer but to the Answerer."
(Living with Thorns Mary Ann Froehlich)
Yep, just what I needed. I doesn't matter the answer to "why," we will never get that answer but "Who" does matter.
I really want to plan something fun. I am so tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is hard to shake the 6 months thing. It feels like we are bound to this prognosis even though Dr. Hamm lifted it. It is still hard to make plans. You want to throw something out there but really who knows where we will be in 3 months, 6 months, a year.
ugh.
Wish I could get a dose of Kim, that nurse in the recover room when Craig had his port placed. She kept saying you just have to keep moving. Keep making plans. This is your life. These doctors don't know everything. Wish I had her on tape. I don't want to visit the hospital again to run into her (you have to be careful what you wish for) but just to hear her perspective again would be good. We are just in a "now what?" spot, but you don't even want to ask the question "now what?" b/c since October it really hasn't been great answers.
Uplifting? No?
Well I have to go to bed.
At least the CATS won tonight. Can't stand that orange. Don't all you TN friends post a bunch of goofy UT comments.
GO Cats!! and GO away cancer!
If some professional blogger has any advice email me.
We are doing pretty good. Craig is feeling good and meeting some peeps for lunches this week. I wish he had some volunteer work or something that he liked to do. He was such a worker bee at the bank before all this cancer crap went down. I don't see him breaking out the soccer ball any time soon, and you can only watch so much sports on ESPN so he is kind of stuck sometimes in between treatments. He is not a big reader either. Whatever, he will get through but he is feeling pretty darn good.
Hannah is trying to crawl much to her mama's dismay. The first baby you are so excited to see what they can do. But by the third you know what they can do and get into and most the time you are not looking. I was on a call yesterday and Hannah got into a whole box of tissues. I don't know what the deal is with tissues but all my kids have thought that was the thrill of a lifetime taking all the tissues out of the box and making a pile next to them. Oh and she was chewing a piece like gum. Anyway she is scooting backwards and she gets stuck under furniture. fun stuff.
Anyway there is not much to report. Craziness at work. Emily is doing great. All the sudden she is a grown up. Gets dressed on her own in the morning, all homework for the week is complete on Monday night. Craziness. She talks and walks like a girl not a preschool. Insane.
Morgan is still having her ups and downs but day by day we are working through some of them.
We were reading through good ole Love scripture (love is patient, love is kind...) at the dinner table and it went fine last night and tonight every time I started to read Hannah (7 months, keep in mind) would let out a holler and then laugh. So much for getting through that little exercise to prep for Valentine's Day. What a goofy kid (already).
I am still irritated but not quite as bad as last week. This week I was wondering WHY? Why couldn't this be a liver disease that is controlled by diet or Hep A or B. Those are all diseases that might cause jaundice (which was the deciding symptom in seeking medical help). Why this mess? Is there another option here that we can could from the google list?
I finished my book but I think I am going to read it over and over and over.
I started it over last night after I had thought about the diagnosis yesterday. I felt like I was moving backwards. I think I went straight to acceptance and now I am going back through the stages of grief. off track... so I started the book over and the last line of the first chapter reads:
"More important than the question "why" is "who." Whom do we trust? Whom do we run to when life is unbearable? We are finally led not the the answer but to the Answerer."
(Living with Thorns Mary Ann Froehlich)
Yep, just what I needed. I doesn't matter the answer to "why," we will never get that answer but "Who" does matter.
I really want to plan something fun. I am so tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is hard to shake the 6 months thing. It feels like we are bound to this prognosis even though Dr. Hamm lifted it. It is still hard to make plans. You want to throw something out there but really who knows where we will be in 3 months, 6 months, a year.
ugh.
Wish I could get a dose of Kim, that nurse in the recover room when Craig had his port placed. She kept saying you just have to keep moving. Keep making plans. This is your life. These doctors don't know everything. Wish I had her on tape. I don't want to visit the hospital again to run into her (you have to be careful what you wish for) but just to hear her perspective again would be good. We are just in a "now what?" spot, but you don't even want to ask the question "now what?" b/c since October it really hasn't been great answers.
Uplifting? No?
Well I have to go to bed.
At least the CATS won tonight. Can't stand that orange. Don't all you TN friends post a bunch of goofy UT comments.
GO Cats!! and GO away cancer!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Just irritated
I have been irritated this week. just irritated. I am ticked I can't rely on people that should be reliable. I am irritated that Craig is on and off. I know that I should be thankful for the good days. I know that. I am irritated when people post stupid complaints on facebook. Don't do that. I will call you out. I will ask to trade places and you will delete the post b/c you were embarrassed. save yourself, mama is on the war-path.
I am irritated that people think this is just peachy-keen b/c the numbers are going in the right direction. That doesn't take away from the fact there is cancer in the house. You can't live and die by the numbers. His numbers were good a couple weeks back and the nurse in the ER looked at him and thought it was the beginning of the end. Don't tell me to be thankful for the good numbers. I am irritated by chemo fog. (grrr... this one makes me crazy). I am irritated that we found solutions to digestive issues and Dr. Hamm says "hmmm that makes sense" Oh yeah, if it make so much sense why didn't you come up with it when we were in panic mode?! There are scars left from weeks of worry that are not eliminated b/c a stupid tumor marker that is going in the right direction. There are memories of weeks of horror that are not erased by a couple good days and a quicker recovery from a chemo treatment.
I have a 3 year old that has anxiety. Does she have anxiety b/c her dad is sick? Is she anxious b/c she is a middle child? Is she ticked off b/c the newness of Hannah has worn off and Hannah gets a lot of attention? Is she mad b/c Emily doesn't go to Michelle's house on Thursdays any more? Is she upset b/c Emily can practically read and she compares herself to Emily? I don't know but it is irritating not knowing what to do.
I am just irritated. I am ticked off that sometimes it is just easier to take the girls out by myself b/c it is less stressful then checking in with Craig every 15 minutes to see if he is too tired for the next stop. I am just irritated.
I am irritated that I can't be the friend that I once was. I am irritated that I get off the phone with friends and think, why in the world would some want to be my friend through this? I am Debbie the Downer ever time I am on the phone. I try to keep an upbeat attitude but sometimes the simple facts of the situation are just crap. They are hard to say. They are probably harder to hear. I hate this. I use to be a fun person.
Being irritated doesn't mean that I don't have faith that God is right here either. I know He is here with us each step of the way. I know that He directs the sails.
You can have faith, real faith and still be irritated in a crummy situation. Having faith doesn't mean the you blow sunshine in every direction all the time. That is not what faith is.
So when people ask how are we doing. We are doing fine. And we really are. Today we took the girls to Puzzles Fun Dome with all the bounce houses and they had a blast. Craig and I went to dinner tonight. We are functioning and really doing fine. The house may not be as clean as it should and I sometime can't always figure what is wrong with my girls but that is all normal. And yes Craig's cancer numbers are going in the right direct so we are just freakin' fine!!
This post sounds like I am throwing things and yelling and I am not. I am just irritated. Not mad. Not upset. Not crying. Not screaming. Not red faced. Not short tempered. Not in a state of despair or depression.
Just irritated.
Please don't take this the wrong way. I am extremely thankful for those who support and pray for us everyday. I am not sure what we would do without the blessing we see everyday.
I am just irritated.
I am irritated that people think this is just peachy-keen b/c the numbers are going in the right direction. That doesn't take away from the fact there is cancer in the house. You can't live and die by the numbers. His numbers were good a couple weeks back and the nurse in the ER looked at him and thought it was the beginning of the end. Don't tell me to be thankful for the good numbers. I am irritated by chemo fog. (grrr... this one makes me crazy). I am irritated that we found solutions to digestive issues and Dr. Hamm says "hmmm that makes sense" Oh yeah, if it make so much sense why didn't you come up with it when we were in panic mode?! There are scars left from weeks of worry that are not eliminated b/c a stupid tumor marker that is going in the right direction. There are memories of weeks of horror that are not erased by a couple good days and a quicker recovery from a chemo treatment.
I have a 3 year old that has anxiety. Does she have anxiety b/c her dad is sick? Is she anxious b/c she is a middle child? Is she ticked off b/c the newness of Hannah has worn off and Hannah gets a lot of attention? Is she mad b/c Emily doesn't go to Michelle's house on Thursdays any more? Is she upset b/c Emily can practically read and she compares herself to Emily? I don't know but it is irritating not knowing what to do.
I am just irritated. I am ticked off that sometimes it is just easier to take the girls out by myself b/c it is less stressful then checking in with Craig every 15 minutes to see if he is too tired for the next stop. I am just irritated.
I am irritated that I can't be the friend that I once was. I am irritated that I get off the phone with friends and think, why in the world would some want to be my friend through this? I am Debbie the Downer ever time I am on the phone. I try to keep an upbeat attitude but sometimes the simple facts of the situation are just crap. They are hard to say. They are probably harder to hear. I hate this. I use to be a fun person.
Being irritated doesn't mean that I don't have faith that God is right here either. I know He is here with us each step of the way. I know that He directs the sails.
You can have faith, real faith and still be irritated in a crummy situation. Having faith doesn't mean the you blow sunshine in every direction all the time. That is not what faith is.
So when people ask how are we doing. We are doing fine. And we really are. Today we took the girls to Puzzles Fun Dome with all the bounce houses and they had a blast. Craig and I went to dinner tonight. We are functioning and really doing fine. The house may not be as clean as it should and I sometime can't always figure what is wrong with my girls but that is all normal. And yes Craig's cancer numbers are going in the right direct so we are just freakin' fine!!
This post sounds like I am throwing things and yelling and I am not. I am just irritated. Not mad. Not upset. Not crying. Not screaming. Not red faced. Not short tempered. Not in a state of despair or depression.
Just irritated.
Please don't take this the wrong way. I am extremely thankful for those who support and pray for us everyday. I am not sure what we would do without the blessing we see everyday.
I am just irritated.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
thankful thursday
I saw on another blog thankful Thursday. Every Thursday she makes a list of things she is thankful for.
today I am thankful for so much. I have an amazing circle of friends that are ridiculously reliable. I am thankful for friends that I are strong enough to have tough conversations. I am thankful for a mom that loves my girls. I am thankful for a brother than adores my girls. I am thankful for my husband's cancer numbers going in the right direction. I am thankful for my home. I am thankful for the soldiers that fight for our freedom. I am thankful for a church that is amazing. I am thankful for a loving husband. I am thankful for a challenging job. I am thankful for pretty little girls.
I am most thankful for a God is always there.
I pray that tomorrow is a good day for Craig tomorrow and then we can be thankful for a good day.
today I am thankful for so much. I have an amazing circle of friends that are ridiculously reliable. I am thankful for friends that I are strong enough to have tough conversations. I am thankful for a mom that loves my girls. I am thankful for a brother than adores my girls. I am thankful for my husband's cancer numbers going in the right direction. I am thankful for my home. I am thankful for the soldiers that fight for our freedom. I am thankful for a church that is amazing. I am thankful for a loving husband. I am thankful for a challenging job. I am thankful for pretty little girls.
I am most thankful for a God is always there.
I pray that tomorrow is a good day for Craig tomorrow and then we can be thankful for a good day.
Trying to keep from going crazy
After my treatments, I'm very tired and today I probably spent 80% of the day laying in my bed. This will drive you crazy. My big movement today was riding in the car to go pick the girls up from school and the sitter. That's why I am on here. I have to consciously find something to do to keep me busy or to give me an excuse from laying in bed because it's hard to get motivated to do something. Jumping on here takes some effort on my part. I'll only sleep so long through the night so I generally try to keep myself up until 11. I also just found out that Michelle wanted to blog tonight and she wants me to stop. I'll wrap up quickly Michelle. Anyhow, hopefully I'll be bouncing back tomorrow and I'll survive if it is not until Saturday. I'm looking forward to hopefully a good week next week and then (maybe) just 5 more treatments of this fun stuff. The doctor said if everything seems to be good after my treatments that it is reasonable I'll be able to live life without treatments which means I can maybe live life and get stamina built back up. This would also scare me though too not taking anything so we'll be seeking a few opinions on best plan of action. Hopefully I'm not getting ahead of myself either here so maybe I should stop planning my months from now. I've killed enough time on here now so I think I'm going to start the bedtime process. God bless!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Treatment #7 and tumor marker
We are down here at treatment #7 and things are fine.
Counts are fine.
The tumor marker is slightly down to 71 from 78.
We wanted a bigger jump than this but it is none the less a decrease.
They said it was nothing to be concerned about.
We saw Dr. Ham today and he is pleased with his progress and is glad to see that he has felt good.
I did ask about prognosis and if his progress overall changes that number and Dr. Hamm seemed pleased to say that since Craig is in the minority of people that respond to the treatment that it did change his overall prognosis. He wouldn't put months or years on the success but he did say it doesn't look like we are going to hit a brick wall with this treatment. The cancer is responding well and therefore there isn't the expiration date of April 4th looming out there.
We also inquired about exercise or physical therapy. Dr. Hamm said that basic cardio would probably do a lot of good for energy etc. It will be easier when it warms up to get out and about but the treadmill will do until then. Maybe some family bikes in the spring would be fun. :)
Karen is our RN again. Love her.
God has blessed us with great people around us and good results so far.
His love is sufficient for whatever lies ahead.
Counts are fine.
The tumor marker is slightly down to 71 from 78.
We wanted a bigger jump than this but it is none the less a decrease.
They said it was nothing to be concerned about.
We saw Dr. Ham today and he is pleased with his progress and is glad to see that he has felt good.
I did ask about prognosis and if his progress overall changes that number and Dr. Hamm seemed pleased to say that since Craig is in the minority of people that respond to the treatment that it did change his overall prognosis. He wouldn't put months or years on the success but he did say it doesn't look like we are going to hit a brick wall with this treatment. The cancer is responding well and therefore there isn't the expiration date of April 4th looming out there.
We also inquired about exercise or physical therapy. Dr. Hamm said that basic cardio would probably do a lot of good for energy etc. It will be easier when it warms up to get out and about but the treadmill will do until then. Maybe some family bikes in the spring would be fun. :)
Karen is our RN again. Love her.
God has blessed us with great people around us and good results so far.
His love is sufficient for whatever lies ahead.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Best 2 week cycle
I've been afraid to post on here the last few days but this last 2 week cycle has been my best yet. It followed a pretty crappy what ended up being a 3 week cycle last time but I'm elated some things have turned around. I don't know the huge difference but I have been taking pancreatic enzymes which help my pancreas function better when I eat. After my last chemo treatment 2 weeks ago, I was able to bounce back a little quicker than I ever have. This week has been very good to me. I've had some energy to spend real quality time with the family and some friends. The highlight was Michelle's family came to town this past weekend and got some hotel rooms which allowed us to get together at the hotel and go swimming. The girls and I always have a ball when it's swim time. I had the energy to swim with them, pull them around the pool (like a motorboat as Morgan would say) and I got to throw them high in the air and in the pool. The girls have an absolute ball and its just good old fashioned fun. I'll say it's like the good ole days because it was pure happiness at its best. I found swimming as a good activity for me but too bad it's winter. I've been out of the house everyday for the past week and that keeps me happy. Sitting here in the house can drag me down if it I let it just because I get tired from not being active. I'm still a little tired each day and sometimes have to rest to catch my breath sometimes. I still have to take a nap or rest each afternoon. I forgot to on Sunday and was absolutely worn out come that evening. I've been eating like a horse the last few days and the good news is my system is letting me. I always try to frantically gain weight when I can eat. I eat 3 healthy size meals a day and some kind of snack between every meal and before I go to bed. I finished my naked burrito from Qdoba today and that's the first time I've done that since my diagnosis. It usually would provide 3 different meals for me. I've put a few pounds on which is a good thing and I've been eating a lot better. Lots of apples, chicken, salmon, almonds, good pasta, brown/wild rice, etc. I'm a lot more confident and hopeful going into my treatment tomorrow. I hope these next 2 weeks are as good as these past two. I'm half way on treatments as far as the current plan is concerned and that serves as some motivation for me. If I can keep going, mid April will be my 12th treatment and that sticks in my head. Hopefully everything keeps going in the right direction and I can get some quality time without a treatment looming. Tomorrow is Feb 1 and that means we are 28 days away from March, that's motivation for me. I absolutely hate this wintertime and can't wait until I'm not physically cold all of the time. My body temp is permanently low right now and I usually wear a wool sweater and fleece around the house; evidently the house is a normal temperature to everyone else. Tomorrow, I believe, we'll do another tumor maker test. That test keeps going down and is getting close to being in the range of where the doctors goal towards. My "good range" and goal is for the number to be under 49 and we were down to 78 a few weeks ago. I'm in awe it's gotten that low and I often feel it's too good to be true. I'm more afraid to hear the number than I am to look forward to hearing what it is. It's never been up, it's been lower every time but I'm still worried about the number. We'll meet with the doctor in the morning which we don't do every visit so I'll get to ask some questions. God has still been my rock through this and he lifts me up when I get down. I feel the presence of people praying for me in different corners of the country and here in town which has been extremely powerful. Please keep it up, I'm still going to be doing this for a while.
I wanted to also ask you to keep Donna Merkt in your prayers. Donna is my very good friend Sean's mom and cancer is getting the best of her right now. She's been in the hospital now for more than a week and is fighting a true fight for her life right now.
I wanted to also ask you to keep Donna Merkt in your prayers. Donna is my very good friend Sean's mom and cancer is getting the best of her right now. She's been in the hospital now for more than a week and is fighting a true fight for her life right now.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
"I just don't know how you are doing it"
When people say this to me, it makes me laugh. Like I have a choice. Is there another option?
B/c if there is PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF PETER PAUL AND MARY tell what Option B is!
Honestly, how I am doing "it" is with a GREAT BIG GOD and a little bit of Zoloft. I kind of say that jokingly but really it is the truth of the matter.
Today I decided to take a sanity day to the most insane place in the world, the office. If you are friends with a media buyer do not talk to them when they are three days out and not on-air. It can get ugly. So I stuck myself in the middle of the madness. It was awesome. Normal stress. Normal chaos. Let's get to it. Let's get it done, crank it out and eat lunch late b/c we can't look up we are so busy. Yeah! Agency life. Okay so I admit it, I checked out of cancer island for a day. Whatever.
It was good for Craig and I to take a break from each other.
I went to my group at SECC tonight, Overcoming Adversity. It is a good place to vent and share. Sounds corny and what you might think would be awkward situation but really it hasn't been. We start with a scripture and it sets the tone that whatever is said is offered up to God. And God can handle any conversation, any situation, any horrible thought. Tonight there was a sweet spunky mother of three facing adversity. I won't share her story b/c it is just that her story but she was definitely handling it with humor. And if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at, right? Prayers for Michelle (can you believe two moms named Michelle in the same group). ;)
B/c if there is PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF PETER PAUL AND MARY tell what Option B is!
Honestly, how I am doing "it" is with a GREAT BIG GOD and a little bit of Zoloft. I kind of say that jokingly but really it is the truth of the matter.
Today I decided to take a sanity day to the most insane place in the world, the office. If you are friends with a media buyer do not talk to them when they are three days out and not on-air. It can get ugly. So I stuck myself in the middle of the madness. It was awesome. Normal stress. Normal chaos. Let's get to it. Let's get it done, crank it out and eat lunch late b/c we can't look up we are so busy. Yeah! Agency life. Okay so I admit it, I checked out of cancer island for a day. Whatever.
It was good for Craig and I to take a break from each other.
I went to my group at SECC tonight, Overcoming Adversity. It is a good place to vent and share. Sounds corny and what you might think would be awkward situation but really it hasn't been. We start with a scripture and it sets the tone that whatever is said is offered up to God. And God can handle any conversation, any situation, any horrible thought. Tonight there was a sweet spunky mother of three facing adversity. I won't share her story b/c it is just that her story but she was definitely handling it with humor. And if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at, right? Prayers for Michelle (can you believe two moms named Michelle in the same group). ;)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Finally a good week (so far)
I was robbed of my good week it seems like forever ago but so far, my good week that I'm supposed to have has actually been good. Being good means having some energy to get off my behind and be somewhat normal. I've been up and about that last few days and out of the house. When I didn't have energy, I would pay a million bucks to not have to leave the house and stay under my warm blanket. Now, I'm looking for some errands to run just because it gets me out. The cold weather still really pisses me off but I bundle up like it's -10 outside to keep from being miserable. If you see me out, I'm the guy in the Bears toboggan, Columbia ski jacket, scarf and gloves. I've been getting up, showering and taking the girls to school all before 8:45 which says alot, at least to me. I jumped on the treadmill and walked 1/2 mile this morning at a very a slow walk. I did this partially to see how I would respond. I felt good doing it. I need to build up some energy but was also afraid I'd burn too many calories which I need. I think my slow walk didn't hurt me and I think it helped. Today I made it to see my rotary group in Oldham County which I'm a member. I got up in front of the group and talked about my journey for a few minutes with them. I had not been to see the group since my diagnosis so it was emotional for me. I got to thank them for spearheading a dinner they put on for me in my honor in which they wanted to give a gift for me and my family which was very humbling. My unexpected attendance and talk put the pressure on Mitch Barnhart (UK AD) to shorten his visit to the group and speech a little bit but I guess some things are more important than college athletics these days. I ran a couple of quick errands after my lunch meeting with the group. I still had to lay down afterwards and napped from 2-4.
I feel like I haven't talked on here in a while, maybe I did, but my brain and memory isn't what used to be. One thing we haven't talked about on here which has been a huge adjustment for me is my diet. I was super reluctant at first but am buying in to trying to be on the more healthier side. My doctor pretty much told me to eat anything I felt like eating and eat as much as you can. I used to eat Graeters butter pecan ice cream all the time in the evenings to try and fatten me up some and it was so good. I haven't had a scoop in weeks. We've talked to a few nutritionists and have gotten different information and view points. There's the debate out there and you can google it but supposedly cancer loves sugar. This was not welcome news to me. I love sugar. I've researched some and have read articles on both view points but it is an argument that gets my attention. First of all, it's kind of impossible to avoid sugar, even fruits have some types of sugar in it. I've been extremely worried about my weight and I've been told to pack on the pounds but how they heck do I do that on some diet that involves cutting out sugar. Some articles say I'm killing myself if I eat sugar and others say those people are crazy, every cell in your body needs some sugar. After some really hard headedness and debates with my wife, I've decided to take a more healthier approach. As I said, I was worried about weight but I did some research on the internet and found out how to eat healthier and still gain weight. I finally bought in. My approach really has been to limit my sugar intake the best I can. I don't eat ice cream at night, I don't eat the chocolate chip cookies on the counter even though they look so good. My diet summed up really is to eat proteins (chicken, salmon, other fishes etc), eat vegetables, eat fruit. I discovered almonds are a great healthy snack, an apple, an orange, string cheese, cottage cheese (low fat), guacamole (have to cheat a little bit with the chips), peanut butter surprisingly (less sugary versions). I still try and eat as much as I can during the day. I've been to able to gain a few pounds sticking to this as well and am supposed to be able to. I still love pasta dishes and eat that but I've learned the whole grain pasta is better for you. Brown rice is really good for you. The one thing that will stop me up and probably send me back to the ER is eating red meat. I miss meat sauce on my spaghetti and chili and all the other good stuff but I'm absolutely afraid of red meat now. I'm going to lunch with my mom tomorrow at Cheddars and I'm looking forward to my salmon on rice with green beans and corn. It's been a huge adjustment for me because I loved to go out to dinner and get whatever the heck I wanted. No red meat, nothing fried (I miss my BW3's boneless chicken wings), nothing real fatty. I'm headed to Whole Foods on Thursday with my aunt and we are going to survey the store and do some shopping. Truth is I can still eat most things, I just need to stay off the snacking on sugary items and focus more on the stuff that is better for me. I feel good about what I'm doing and I am having a good week!
I feel like I haven't talked on here in a while, maybe I did, but my brain and memory isn't what used to be. One thing we haven't talked about on here which has been a huge adjustment for me is my diet. I was super reluctant at first but am buying in to trying to be on the more healthier side. My doctor pretty much told me to eat anything I felt like eating and eat as much as you can. I used to eat Graeters butter pecan ice cream all the time in the evenings to try and fatten me up some and it was so good. I haven't had a scoop in weeks. We've talked to a few nutritionists and have gotten different information and view points. There's the debate out there and you can google it but supposedly cancer loves sugar. This was not welcome news to me. I love sugar. I've researched some and have read articles on both view points but it is an argument that gets my attention. First of all, it's kind of impossible to avoid sugar, even fruits have some types of sugar in it. I've been extremely worried about my weight and I've been told to pack on the pounds but how they heck do I do that on some diet that involves cutting out sugar. Some articles say I'm killing myself if I eat sugar and others say those people are crazy, every cell in your body needs some sugar. After some really hard headedness and debates with my wife, I've decided to take a more healthier approach. As I said, I was worried about weight but I did some research on the internet and found out how to eat healthier and still gain weight. I finally bought in. My approach really has been to limit my sugar intake the best I can. I don't eat ice cream at night, I don't eat the chocolate chip cookies on the counter even though they look so good. My diet summed up really is to eat proteins (chicken, salmon, other fishes etc), eat vegetables, eat fruit. I discovered almonds are a great healthy snack, an apple, an orange, string cheese, cottage cheese (low fat), guacamole (have to cheat a little bit with the chips), peanut butter surprisingly (less sugary versions). I still try and eat as much as I can during the day. I've been to able to gain a few pounds sticking to this as well and am supposed to be able to. I still love pasta dishes and eat that but I've learned the whole grain pasta is better for you. Brown rice is really good for you. The one thing that will stop me up and probably send me back to the ER is eating red meat. I miss meat sauce on my spaghetti and chili and all the other good stuff but I'm absolutely afraid of red meat now. I'm going to lunch with my mom tomorrow at Cheddars and I'm looking forward to my salmon on rice with green beans and corn. It's been a huge adjustment for me because I loved to go out to dinner and get whatever the heck I wanted. No red meat, nothing fried (I miss my BW3's boneless chicken wings), nothing real fatty. I'm headed to Whole Foods on Thursday with my aunt and we are going to survey the store and do some shopping. Truth is I can still eat most things, I just need to stay off the snacking on sugary items and focus more on the stuff that is better for me. I feel good about what I'm doing and I am having a good week!
Monday, January 24, 2011
still fine.
Craig is doing pretty darn good this round. Other than being extra tired and some stomach issues yesterday he is doing really good. Friday and Saturday after a Tuesday treatment are usually his most tired days and he was up and about all day both days. We went to lunch and ran errands Saturday and went to see a movie Saturday night. We saw "No Strings Attached" it was girlie than I thought it was going to be but pretty cute and funny.
Sunday he was feeling just okay but and just watched the Bears game and they was the extent of the activity for the day. I took the girls sledding which was hilarious. Long story, short I think Morgan is more of a summer sports kind of gal. Hilarious. The first time we went down she got off the sled and cursed and was yelling at me and Emmy. I could have peed in my pants I was laughing so hard. The second time down the hill she was in the middle, between me and Em, rather than the front and I was leaning back to stop the sled and when the sled stopped she "YOU ARE LAYING ON ME, MOMMY!" She was very adamant that she was done and Emily could have stayed about another hour. Another activity that is better with two parents but I am doing my best here. Anyway, we had an awesome time (well me and Emmy did). I don't think I have laughed that hard in a long time. Wish Craig could have joined us, maybe next year. :)
Sunday he was feeling just okay but and just watched the Bears game and they was the extent of the activity for the day. I took the girls sledding which was hilarious. Long story, short I think Morgan is more of a summer sports kind of gal. Hilarious. The first time we went down she got off the sled and cursed and was yelling at me and Emmy. I could have peed in my pants I was laughing so hard. The second time down the hill she was in the middle, between me and Em, rather than the front and I was leaning back to stop the sled and when the sled stopped she "YOU ARE LAYING ON ME, MOMMY!" She was very adamant that she was done and Emily could have stayed about another hour. Another activity that is better with two parents but I am doing my best here. Anyway, we had an awesome time (well me and Emmy did). I don't think I have laughed that hard in a long time. Wish Craig could have joined us, maybe next year. :)
Friday, January 21, 2011
Craig is fine.
Craig seems to be less tired this time around. He is still tired and not really out and about but not down for the count allllll day long. He hasn't taken but one nap this afternoon and usually Fridays are the worst day. We made plans to go see a movie tomorrow night b/c we are both in a bit of a funk. Little bit of the winter blues/ life is stressful/ where is the light at the end of the tunnel blues? So we are going to see a crude movie tomorrow night, "No Strings Attached." Little laughter will hopefully help. We probably need to build in more mindless activities in our days. Work for me is a good distraction but is definitely far from mindless, especially this week. ugh.
He does seem to be maintaining weight this go around, hopefully he will be able to pack more on on the off week.
So that is the gist of it for tonight, we are doing fine, all things considering.
He does seem to be maintaining weight this go around, hopefully he will be able to pack more on on the off week.
So that is the gist of it for tonight, we are doing fine, all things considering.
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