I've been afraid to post on here the last few days but this last 2 week cycle has been my best yet. It followed a pretty crappy what ended up being a 3 week cycle last time but I'm elated some things have turned around. I don't know the huge difference but I have been taking pancreatic enzymes which help my pancreas function better when I eat. After my last chemo treatment 2 weeks ago, I was able to bounce back a little quicker than I ever have. This week has been very good to me. I've had some energy to spend real quality time with the family and some friends. The highlight was Michelle's family came to town this past weekend and got some hotel rooms which allowed us to get together at the hotel and go swimming. The girls and I always have a ball when it's swim time. I had the energy to swim with them, pull them around the pool (like a motorboat as Morgan would say) and I got to throw them high in the air and in the pool. The girls have an absolute ball and its just good old fashioned fun. I'll say it's like the good ole days because it was pure happiness at its best. I found swimming as a good activity for me but too bad it's winter. I've been out of the house everyday for the past week and that keeps me happy. Sitting here in the house can drag me down if it I let it just because I get tired from not being active. I'm still a little tired each day and sometimes have to rest to catch my breath sometimes. I still have to take a nap or rest each afternoon. I forgot to on Sunday and was absolutely worn out come that evening. I've been eating like a horse the last few days and the good news is my system is letting me. I always try to frantically gain weight when I can eat. I eat 3 healthy size meals a day and some kind of snack between every meal and before I go to bed. I finished my naked burrito from Qdoba today and that's the first time I've done that since my diagnosis. It usually would provide 3 different meals for me. I've put a few pounds on which is a good thing and I've been eating a lot better. Lots of apples, chicken, salmon, almonds, good pasta, brown/wild rice, etc. I'm a lot more confident and hopeful going into my treatment tomorrow. I hope these next 2 weeks are as good as these past two. I'm half way on treatments as far as the current plan is concerned and that serves as some motivation for me. If I can keep going, mid April will be my 12th treatment and that sticks in my head. Hopefully everything keeps going in the right direction and I can get some quality time without a treatment looming. Tomorrow is Feb 1 and that means we are 28 days away from March, that's motivation for me. I absolutely hate this wintertime and can't wait until I'm not physically cold all of the time. My body temp is permanently low right now and I usually wear a wool sweater and fleece around the house; evidently the house is a normal temperature to everyone else. Tomorrow, I believe, we'll do another tumor maker test. That test keeps going down and is getting close to being in the range of where the doctors goal towards. My "good range" and goal is for the number to be under 49 and we were down to 78 a few weeks ago. I'm in awe it's gotten that low and I often feel it's too good to be true. I'm more afraid to hear the number than I am to look forward to hearing what it is. It's never been up, it's been lower every time but I'm still worried about the number. We'll meet with the doctor in the morning which we don't do every visit so I'll get to ask some questions. God has still been my rock through this and he lifts me up when I get down. I feel the presence of people praying for me in different corners of the country and here in town which has been extremely powerful. Please keep it up, I'm still going to be doing this for a while.
I wanted to also ask you to keep Donna Merkt in your prayers. Donna is my very good friend Sean's mom and cancer is getting the best of her right now. She's been in the hospital now for more than a week and is fighting a true fight for her life right now.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
"I just don't know how you are doing it"
When people say this to me, it makes me laugh. Like I have a choice. Is there another option?
B/c if there is PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF PETER PAUL AND MARY tell what Option B is!
Honestly, how I am doing "it" is with a GREAT BIG GOD and a little bit of Zoloft. I kind of say that jokingly but really it is the truth of the matter.
Today I decided to take a sanity day to the most insane place in the world, the office. If you are friends with a media buyer do not talk to them when they are three days out and not on-air. It can get ugly. So I stuck myself in the middle of the madness. It was awesome. Normal stress. Normal chaos. Let's get to it. Let's get it done, crank it out and eat lunch late b/c we can't look up we are so busy. Yeah! Agency life. Okay so I admit it, I checked out of cancer island for a day. Whatever.
It was good for Craig and I to take a break from each other.
I went to my group at SECC tonight, Overcoming Adversity. It is a good place to vent and share. Sounds corny and what you might think would be awkward situation but really it hasn't been. We start with a scripture and it sets the tone that whatever is said is offered up to God. And God can handle any conversation, any situation, any horrible thought. Tonight there was a sweet spunky mother of three facing adversity. I won't share her story b/c it is just that her story but she was definitely handling it with humor. And if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at, right? Prayers for Michelle (can you believe two moms named Michelle in the same group). ;)
B/c if there is PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF PETER PAUL AND MARY tell what Option B is!
Honestly, how I am doing "it" is with a GREAT BIG GOD and a little bit of Zoloft. I kind of say that jokingly but really it is the truth of the matter.
Today I decided to take a sanity day to the most insane place in the world, the office. If you are friends with a media buyer do not talk to them when they are three days out and not on-air. It can get ugly. So I stuck myself in the middle of the madness. It was awesome. Normal stress. Normal chaos. Let's get to it. Let's get it done, crank it out and eat lunch late b/c we can't look up we are so busy. Yeah! Agency life. Okay so I admit it, I checked out of cancer island for a day. Whatever.
It was good for Craig and I to take a break from each other.
I went to my group at SECC tonight, Overcoming Adversity. It is a good place to vent and share. Sounds corny and what you might think would be awkward situation but really it hasn't been. We start with a scripture and it sets the tone that whatever is said is offered up to God. And God can handle any conversation, any situation, any horrible thought. Tonight there was a sweet spunky mother of three facing adversity. I won't share her story b/c it is just that her story but she was definitely handling it with humor. And if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at, right? Prayers for Michelle (can you believe two moms named Michelle in the same group). ;)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Finally a good week (so far)
I was robbed of my good week it seems like forever ago but so far, my good week that I'm supposed to have has actually been good. Being good means having some energy to get off my behind and be somewhat normal. I've been up and about that last few days and out of the house. When I didn't have energy, I would pay a million bucks to not have to leave the house and stay under my warm blanket. Now, I'm looking for some errands to run just because it gets me out. The cold weather still really pisses me off but I bundle up like it's -10 outside to keep from being miserable. If you see me out, I'm the guy in the Bears toboggan, Columbia ski jacket, scarf and gloves. I've been getting up, showering and taking the girls to school all before 8:45 which says alot, at least to me. I jumped on the treadmill and walked 1/2 mile this morning at a very a slow walk. I did this partially to see how I would respond. I felt good doing it. I need to build up some energy but was also afraid I'd burn too many calories which I need. I think my slow walk didn't hurt me and I think it helped. Today I made it to see my rotary group in Oldham County which I'm a member. I got up in front of the group and talked about my journey for a few minutes with them. I had not been to see the group since my diagnosis so it was emotional for me. I got to thank them for spearheading a dinner they put on for me in my honor in which they wanted to give a gift for me and my family which was very humbling. My unexpected attendance and talk put the pressure on Mitch Barnhart (UK AD) to shorten his visit to the group and speech a little bit but I guess some things are more important than college athletics these days. I ran a couple of quick errands after my lunch meeting with the group. I still had to lay down afterwards and napped from 2-4.
I feel like I haven't talked on here in a while, maybe I did, but my brain and memory isn't what used to be. One thing we haven't talked about on here which has been a huge adjustment for me is my diet. I was super reluctant at first but am buying in to trying to be on the more healthier side. My doctor pretty much told me to eat anything I felt like eating and eat as much as you can. I used to eat Graeters butter pecan ice cream all the time in the evenings to try and fatten me up some and it was so good. I haven't had a scoop in weeks. We've talked to a few nutritionists and have gotten different information and view points. There's the debate out there and you can google it but supposedly cancer loves sugar. This was not welcome news to me. I love sugar. I've researched some and have read articles on both view points but it is an argument that gets my attention. First of all, it's kind of impossible to avoid sugar, even fruits have some types of sugar in it. I've been extremely worried about my weight and I've been told to pack on the pounds but how they heck do I do that on some diet that involves cutting out sugar. Some articles say I'm killing myself if I eat sugar and others say those people are crazy, every cell in your body needs some sugar. After some really hard headedness and debates with my wife, I've decided to take a more healthier approach. As I said, I was worried about weight but I did some research on the internet and found out how to eat healthier and still gain weight. I finally bought in. My approach really has been to limit my sugar intake the best I can. I don't eat ice cream at night, I don't eat the chocolate chip cookies on the counter even though they look so good. My diet summed up really is to eat proteins (chicken, salmon, other fishes etc), eat vegetables, eat fruit. I discovered almonds are a great healthy snack, an apple, an orange, string cheese, cottage cheese (low fat), guacamole (have to cheat a little bit with the chips), peanut butter surprisingly (less sugary versions). I still try and eat as much as I can during the day. I've been to able to gain a few pounds sticking to this as well and am supposed to be able to. I still love pasta dishes and eat that but I've learned the whole grain pasta is better for you. Brown rice is really good for you. The one thing that will stop me up and probably send me back to the ER is eating red meat. I miss meat sauce on my spaghetti and chili and all the other good stuff but I'm absolutely afraid of red meat now. I'm going to lunch with my mom tomorrow at Cheddars and I'm looking forward to my salmon on rice with green beans and corn. It's been a huge adjustment for me because I loved to go out to dinner and get whatever the heck I wanted. No red meat, nothing fried (I miss my BW3's boneless chicken wings), nothing real fatty. I'm headed to Whole Foods on Thursday with my aunt and we are going to survey the store and do some shopping. Truth is I can still eat most things, I just need to stay off the snacking on sugary items and focus more on the stuff that is better for me. I feel good about what I'm doing and I am having a good week!
I feel like I haven't talked on here in a while, maybe I did, but my brain and memory isn't what used to be. One thing we haven't talked about on here which has been a huge adjustment for me is my diet. I was super reluctant at first but am buying in to trying to be on the more healthier side. My doctor pretty much told me to eat anything I felt like eating and eat as much as you can. I used to eat Graeters butter pecan ice cream all the time in the evenings to try and fatten me up some and it was so good. I haven't had a scoop in weeks. We've talked to a few nutritionists and have gotten different information and view points. There's the debate out there and you can google it but supposedly cancer loves sugar. This was not welcome news to me. I love sugar. I've researched some and have read articles on both view points but it is an argument that gets my attention. First of all, it's kind of impossible to avoid sugar, even fruits have some types of sugar in it. I've been extremely worried about my weight and I've been told to pack on the pounds but how they heck do I do that on some diet that involves cutting out sugar. Some articles say I'm killing myself if I eat sugar and others say those people are crazy, every cell in your body needs some sugar. After some really hard headedness and debates with my wife, I've decided to take a more healthier approach. As I said, I was worried about weight but I did some research on the internet and found out how to eat healthier and still gain weight. I finally bought in. My approach really has been to limit my sugar intake the best I can. I don't eat ice cream at night, I don't eat the chocolate chip cookies on the counter even though they look so good. My diet summed up really is to eat proteins (chicken, salmon, other fishes etc), eat vegetables, eat fruit. I discovered almonds are a great healthy snack, an apple, an orange, string cheese, cottage cheese (low fat), guacamole (have to cheat a little bit with the chips), peanut butter surprisingly (less sugary versions). I still try and eat as much as I can during the day. I've been to able to gain a few pounds sticking to this as well and am supposed to be able to. I still love pasta dishes and eat that but I've learned the whole grain pasta is better for you. Brown rice is really good for you. The one thing that will stop me up and probably send me back to the ER is eating red meat. I miss meat sauce on my spaghetti and chili and all the other good stuff but I'm absolutely afraid of red meat now. I'm going to lunch with my mom tomorrow at Cheddars and I'm looking forward to my salmon on rice with green beans and corn. It's been a huge adjustment for me because I loved to go out to dinner and get whatever the heck I wanted. No red meat, nothing fried (I miss my BW3's boneless chicken wings), nothing real fatty. I'm headed to Whole Foods on Thursday with my aunt and we are going to survey the store and do some shopping. Truth is I can still eat most things, I just need to stay off the snacking on sugary items and focus more on the stuff that is better for me. I feel good about what I'm doing and I am having a good week!
Monday, January 24, 2011
still fine.
Craig is doing pretty darn good this round. Other than being extra tired and some stomach issues yesterday he is doing really good. Friday and Saturday after a Tuesday treatment are usually his most tired days and he was up and about all day both days. We went to lunch and ran errands Saturday and went to see a movie Saturday night. We saw "No Strings Attached" it was girlie than I thought it was going to be but pretty cute and funny.
Sunday he was feeling just okay but and just watched the Bears game and they was the extent of the activity for the day. I took the girls sledding which was hilarious. Long story, short I think Morgan is more of a summer sports kind of gal. Hilarious. The first time we went down she got off the sled and cursed and was yelling at me and Emmy. I could have peed in my pants I was laughing so hard. The second time down the hill she was in the middle, between me and Em, rather than the front and I was leaning back to stop the sled and when the sled stopped she "YOU ARE LAYING ON ME, MOMMY!" She was very adamant that she was done and Emily could have stayed about another hour. Another activity that is better with two parents but I am doing my best here. Anyway, we had an awesome time (well me and Emmy did). I don't think I have laughed that hard in a long time. Wish Craig could have joined us, maybe next year. :)
Sunday he was feeling just okay but and just watched the Bears game and they was the extent of the activity for the day. I took the girls sledding which was hilarious. Long story, short I think Morgan is more of a summer sports kind of gal. Hilarious. The first time we went down she got off the sled and cursed and was yelling at me and Emmy. I could have peed in my pants I was laughing so hard. The second time down the hill she was in the middle, between me and Em, rather than the front and I was leaning back to stop the sled and when the sled stopped she "YOU ARE LAYING ON ME, MOMMY!" She was very adamant that she was done and Emily could have stayed about another hour. Another activity that is better with two parents but I am doing my best here. Anyway, we had an awesome time (well me and Emmy did). I don't think I have laughed that hard in a long time. Wish Craig could have joined us, maybe next year. :)
Friday, January 21, 2011
Craig is fine.
Craig seems to be less tired this time around. He is still tired and not really out and about but not down for the count allllll day long. He hasn't taken but one nap this afternoon and usually Fridays are the worst day. We made plans to go see a movie tomorrow night b/c we are both in a bit of a funk. Little bit of the winter blues/ life is stressful/ where is the light at the end of the tunnel blues? So we are going to see a crude movie tomorrow night, "No Strings Attached." Little laughter will hopefully help. We probably need to build in more mindless activities in our days. Work for me is a good distraction but is definitely far from mindless, especially this week. ugh.
He does seem to be maintaining weight this go around, hopefully he will be able to pack more on on the off week.
So that is the gist of it for tonight, we are doing fine, all things considering.
He does seem to be maintaining weight this go around, hopefully he will be able to pack more on on the off week.
So that is the gist of it for tonight, we are doing fine, all things considering.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
treatment #6, for real this time
Craig gained 8 pounds this week and since he is feeling good we are moving on with treatment #6. He just finished chemo drip #1 for two hours and now we are on to chemo #2 for the day. That will drip for an hour and a half then he will head home with the 3rd chemo drug.
I feel like we are back on track. He was dreading this treatment last night but this morning was geared up for it. Everyone in the office said he looked so much better than he did last week. His white blood cell count is still elevated which I still think is gallbladder issues but we will cross that bridge when we get there. We may get the report and ask another surgeon to look at the ultrasound that was taken last Monday. Was that just last Monday? Time seems to go by so slow when you are in a dark place.
We are hopeful that this treatment continues to move in the right direction. We live on the prays (cue Bon Jovi music) that you send to our heavenly father and we are so thankful for the support system we have. We pray for lower tumor marker in two weeks, and a healthy body. We pray for strength and perseverance. We pray for hopeful voices on the scary days and we pray for perseverance through this struggle.
"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope."
Romans 5:2-4
I feel like we are back on track. He was dreading this treatment last night but this morning was geared up for it. Everyone in the office said he looked so much better than he did last week. His white blood cell count is still elevated which I still think is gallbladder issues but we will cross that bridge when we get there. We may get the report and ask another surgeon to look at the ultrasound that was taken last Monday. Was that just last Monday? Time seems to go by so slow when you are in a dark place.
We are hopeful that this treatment continues to move in the right direction. We live on the prays (cue Bon Jovi music) that you send to our heavenly father and we are so thankful for the support system we have. We pray for lower tumor marker in two weeks, and a healthy body. We pray for strength and perseverance. We pray for hopeful voices on the scary days and we pray for perseverance through this struggle.
"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope."
Romans 5:2-4
Monday, January 17, 2011
Happy Birthday to me!
With all sincerity, it's been my worst birthday to date but it is another one and I'll take many more. I'm having a very tough time with "hanging in there." My physical strength is my biggest challenge right now. I've gained about 6 lbs this week since we declined treatment last week but I'm still low on gas. My treatment tomorrow has made me anxious for the majority of my birthday. I'm worried about being able to physically walk out of there because it takes so much out of me. I share these things not to show weakness but to tell the reality of my situation. I have to pick myself up when I get down and quickly remind myself that I can do this and better days are ahead. My mental strength is being tested pretty hard core right now just because I feel too tired to do normal things. Spending time with my girls is pure enjoyment but it's a physical struggle. My relationship with them tries my soul in the most difficult way because they are so young and so perfect to me. I don't ever want them to have hurt and that scares the hell out of me. They understand their daddy is sick but don't realize what can happen. Michelle has been a great pick me up this week and I always feel better talking to her. I HATE to put anymore stress on her but she's doing her part to keep me standing.
I do still have the fight and determination to make it out of this. It may take another few very cold months of me getting beat up but we think things are moving in the right direction as far as the cancer is concerned. We just hope the chemo doesn't wipe me out first. I hope I didn't sound too negative on here becuase I'm more positive than negative throughout the day, I've just to got to get things off my chest is some fashion. Lastly but never least, still giving props to God for protecting me and my family and I know I can trust Him to stay with me. He does give me the strength to continue this fight and I'm grateful. I still praise him in my thoughts because I know he gave up his only Son for me.
I do still have the fight and determination to make it out of this. It may take another few very cold months of me getting beat up but we think things are moving in the right direction as far as the cancer is concerned. We just hope the chemo doesn't wipe me out first. I hope I didn't sound too negative on here becuase I'm more positive than negative throughout the day, I've just to got to get things off my chest is some fashion. Lastly but never least, still giving props to God for protecting me and my family and I know I can trust Him to stay with me. He does give me the strength to continue this fight and I'm grateful. I still praise him in my thoughts because I know he gave up his only Son for me.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
this weekend
This weekend has had its ups and downs. Although the tumor market numbers are going in the right direction Craig's overall health is not in the best place. The tumor marker is just piece of the puzzle. It is hard to say why exactly but overall exhaustion is not a fun place for anyone but for a 30 something is it depressing. We both had a good cry yesterday morning which of course was interrupted 10 times by two little ladies that were fighting like... well sisters. We perked up late afternoon and went on our date night. We went up the Summit to Mitchell and it took freakin' forever. Whatever, we were out and trying to enjoy our time together. It is tough right now. We do have a good time together but we have always talked of future plans when we are out. Vacations, where to send the girls to school, upcoming parties etc. It is a challenge to stay in the present but that is what we have to do right now. This day by day stuff is tough for a planner.
Tuesday's treatment was a bit of a turning point for me. Being such a focused person it has been tough to get myself "help". I want this cancer gone out of my house and I want my life back that has been the focus of my prayers but when the walk gets tough the prayers and focus have to be what is happening today and may happen in the future. That doesn't mean that I losing my focus on our miracle but the minute to minute is really tough and the thought of not getting our miracle is devastating. Getting help is not saying that I don't believe miracles happen and getting help doesn't mean that I am giving up on this house being cancer-free. It is a step in the right direction to being prepared for whatever life hands us. I have to keep telling myself that. Karen (RN that has been "stuck" with us the past couple treatments) set up some time with a counselor at Norton but I decided to head over to Southeast. There is a group called "facing adversity" that is a general hodge-bodge of people that are in crap situations. Yep, I fit in well in this group. There were 20-25 people there and really that is too many to get much out of it but at least it is a place to start. I am not completely counting counseling at Norton's out but I can't image what kind of advice for this situation would do me any good without God each step of the way. How in the world could a counselor hand someone a 12 step program (or what-not) about how to cope with the possibility of being a single mom in the next year, 5-years, 10-years whatever with God in every single step? My comfort and my strength comes from Christ alone and I don't think I am willing to veer too far from that. I fear where that would land my family.
So much of this blog has been how I have been and not necessarily how Craig is and I apologize for that. I am the out-spoken one. So you ask how is Craig? well... Craig is Craig. He is hopeful, he is positive when he feels good and he is very silent when he doesn't feel good. He sleeps a lot when he doesn't feel good. A LOT. We talked last week before the treatment day and we agreed we can't live our life like this forever. What does that mean? I am not sure. Sleeping for 20 hours a day for weeks at a time is no way for any 30 something to live. Am I say this a major decision that we have made for his treatment plan? NO. It is just a plain and simple fact this is no way to live. He has treatment Tuesday and we hope that things continue to move in the right direction. If they do he will finish out the Folforinox treatment until April and then we will see what happens. We will travel? I don't know. Will it be completely gone and they put him on a easier to take chemo to keep it away? I don't know. Will it just go away and not ever come back? Hopefully! but not likely. So in any scenario I have to be prepared. I can not be blindsided b/c I will have to put one foot in front of the other b/c I have three kids that have to do the same. So we will pray and be hopeful but work on being prepared for whatever life might hand us along the way.
I must go b/c I have a 7 month old behind me that is beside herself b/c she thinks she is hungry. goodness.
Just to add to this post, today has been really good. He has eaten well. Stayed up since this morning. Went to church, which was JAMMED packed! Holy cow what a blessing to have to sit on the floor of the brand new campus at the very first service!! He went to watch the Bears at the Deitz household. Now him and Emmy are running an errand. All normal things. It has been too long but we are thankful for this "good day."
Tuesday's treatment was a bit of a turning point for me. Being such a focused person it has been tough to get myself "help". I want this cancer gone out of my house and I want my life back that has been the focus of my prayers but when the walk gets tough the prayers and focus have to be what is happening today and may happen in the future. That doesn't mean that I losing my focus on our miracle but the minute to minute is really tough and the thought of not getting our miracle is devastating. Getting help is not saying that I don't believe miracles happen and getting help doesn't mean that I am giving up on this house being cancer-free. It is a step in the right direction to being prepared for whatever life hands us. I have to keep telling myself that. Karen (RN that has been "stuck" with us the past couple treatments) set up some time with a counselor at Norton but I decided to head over to Southeast. There is a group called "facing adversity" that is a general hodge-bodge of people that are in crap situations. Yep, I fit in well in this group. There were 20-25 people there and really that is too many to get much out of it but at least it is a place to start. I am not completely counting counseling at Norton's out but I can't image what kind of advice for this situation would do me any good without God each step of the way. How in the world could a counselor hand someone a 12 step program (or what-not) about how to cope with the possibility of being a single mom in the next year, 5-years, 10-years whatever with God in every single step? My comfort and my strength comes from Christ alone and I don't think I am willing to veer too far from that. I fear where that would land my family.
So much of this blog has been how I have been and not necessarily how Craig is and I apologize for that. I am the out-spoken one. So you ask how is Craig? well... Craig is Craig. He is hopeful, he is positive when he feels good and he is very silent when he doesn't feel good. He sleeps a lot when he doesn't feel good. A LOT. We talked last week before the treatment day and we agreed we can't live our life like this forever. What does that mean? I am not sure. Sleeping for 20 hours a day for weeks at a time is no way for any 30 something to live. Am I say this a major decision that we have made for his treatment plan? NO. It is just a plain and simple fact this is no way to live. He has treatment Tuesday and we hope that things continue to move in the right direction. If they do he will finish out the Folforinox treatment until April and then we will see what happens. We will travel? I don't know. Will it be completely gone and they put him on a easier to take chemo to keep it away? I don't know. Will it just go away and not ever come back? Hopefully! but not likely. So in any scenario I have to be prepared. I can not be blindsided b/c I will have to put one foot in front of the other b/c I have three kids that have to do the same. So we will pray and be hopeful but work on being prepared for whatever life might hand us along the way.
I must go b/c I have a 7 month old behind me that is beside herself b/c she thinks she is hungry. goodness.
Just to add to this post, today has been really good. He has eaten well. Stayed up since this morning. Went to church, which was JAMMED packed! Holy cow what a blessing to have to sit on the floor of the brand new campus at the very first service!! He went to watch the Bears at the Deitz household. Now him and Emmy are running an errand. All normal things. It has been too long but we are thankful for this "good day."
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
it's me again - tumor marker
ya'll tired of these bits and pieces?
okay before I tell ya the tumor marker.
Craig was born on January 17th 1978.
1/17/78
last tumor marker on 12/22 was 117
today's tumor marker: 78!!
does anybody else thinks that is strange?
the tumor marker tell us not the size of the mass but how active the cancer is in the body. the goal is less than 47.
so the tumor marker is going in the right direction, we just need a strong body.
keep praying for our miracle.
okay before I tell ya the tumor marker.
Craig was born on January 17th 1978.
1/17/78
last tumor marker on 12/22 was 117
today's tumor marker: 78!!
does anybody else thinks that is strange?
the tumor marker tell us not the size of the mass but how active the cancer is in the body. the goal is less than 47.
so the tumor marker is going in the right direction, we just need a strong body.
keep praying for our miracle.
#6 treatment delayed
there is not just one reason we are delaying this treatment by a week but we are.
his white blood cell are a tad off
the gallbladder ultrasound showed maybe some stones but was generally inconclusive (more on that once we get in touch with Dr. Vitale)
weight is a little too low
generally the stars are not lining up and he feels like crap.
we need a week to rally and get some things ironed out.
will we lose momentum with fighting the cancer, maybe but probably not
he has to be in better shape to fight this thing and take the chemo to fight it.
SOOOOOOOO here is your assignment (DO NOT TAKE IT LIGHTLY!!!) PRAY! Seriously pray.
we have to have strength, physical strength. we have to have weight. we have to have better digestion. You have a week to ask our God to get these pieces worked out. we have to get in a better place physically. we have to rally for overall health to fight this with chemo next Tuesday. we have to get this back on track and we need a week to breathe and strengthen.
his white blood cell are a tad off
the gallbladder ultrasound showed maybe some stones but was generally inconclusive (more on that once we get in touch with Dr. Vitale)
weight is a little too low
generally the stars are not lining up and he feels like crap.
we need a week to rally and get some things ironed out.
will we lose momentum with fighting the cancer, maybe but probably not
he has to be in better shape to fight this thing and take the chemo to fight it.
SOOOOOOOO here is your assignment (DO NOT TAKE IT LIGHTLY!!!) PRAY! Seriously pray.
we have to have strength, physical strength. we have to have weight. we have to have better digestion. You have a week to ask our God to get these pieces worked out. we have to get in a better place physically. we have to rally for overall health to fight this with chemo next Tuesday. we have to get this back on track and we need a week to breathe and strengthen.
treatment #6 and the pity party
at treatment #6 not happy campers.
we are tired. tired of this freaking mess.
This is the half way point of this treatment plan and we are just tired of this cancer life.
so this five minute's frustration is Craig's port is clogged so they have to unclog it before they can draw blood and get the blood counts before we can do any treatment.
I need a scripture that does allow this pity party to continue.
I HATE that we are "those" people. Yesterday so many of the nurses knew us from the last stet replacement and most didn't even treat him. People know us b/c compare to others we are in a world of crap. We are the worst case scenario. While I appreciate the prayers and the support the pity is not helpful. The "I am so sorry" is just continuing the pity party we got going on right now. it is not production. Prayers are productive. Improving our relationship with God is productive.
I am so ticked off right now. Most crap situations you can work your tail end off until you are out of them. Debt- work more hours and get out of trouble. marriage problems - communicate until you think you know them better than you know yourself. fat - stop eating so much crap. bratty kids - spend more time with them until you figure out what their real problem is. cancer ----- I guess pray more. I walk right into that EVERY TIME I need a solution for this massive freaking mess.
so we sit in wait. We are not talking b/c there is nothing to say to remedy this mess. I think Craig fell asleep. I am going to work right now and of course pray that I can control myself and not have the two-year-old temper tantrum I feel like having.
How's that for an uplifting post? sorry scott, I will find you a joke or something.
we are tired. tired of this freaking mess.
This is the half way point of this treatment plan and we are just tired of this cancer life.
so this five minute's frustration is Craig's port is clogged so they have to unclog it before they can draw blood and get the blood counts before we can do any treatment.
I need a scripture that does allow this pity party to continue.
I HATE that we are "those" people. Yesterday so many of the nurses knew us from the last stet replacement and most didn't even treat him. People know us b/c compare to others we are in a world of crap. We are the worst case scenario. While I appreciate the prayers and the support the pity is not helpful. The "I am so sorry" is just continuing the pity party we got going on right now. it is not production. Prayers are productive. Improving our relationship with God is productive.
I am so ticked off right now. Most crap situations you can work your tail end off until you are out of them. Debt- work more hours and get out of trouble. marriage problems - communicate until you think you know them better than you know yourself. fat - stop eating so much crap. bratty kids - spend more time with them until you figure out what their real problem is. cancer ----- I guess pray more. I walk right into that EVERY TIME I need a solution for this massive freaking mess.
so we sit in wait. We are not talking b/c there is nothing to say to remedy this mess. I think Craig fell asleep. I am going to work right now and of course pray that I can control myself and not have the two-year-old temper tantrum I feel like having.
How's that for an uplifting post? sorry scott, I will find you a joke or something.
Monday, January 10, 2011
back at home
Craig is asleep and recovering from the stet procedure this morning. Dr. Vitale put two stets in this time to try to help with some of the digestive issues Craig has been having. They did an ultrasound of the gallbladder to see if there was anything wrong there but the office will have to call with those results later this week. He assumed the pain was coming from the cancer itself just like the doc at Norton Brownsboro said on Thursday but minds well check.
They were going to put in a 6 months - 1 year stet in but with the troubles he has had he said the temporary one would be better. So that one will have to be replaced in 90 days. I asked if he would ever not need the stet and he said no the pancreatic tumor would never shrink small enough to be without a stet. really? My plan is to be without a pancreatic tumor and no liver spots by derby. No Dr. V? Hmmmm... you must not realize how many people we have praying for that miracle. I would love to prove him wrong on that one. Actually I would love to have God prove him wrong on that "fact". He is a nice man so I am sure he would love to be proven wrong too. He recommended a procedure that would clip the nerves so that Craig doesn't feel the pain but I have trouble with that not b/c of the pain but there is a reason for the pain and if there is a solutions for the pain rather than just blocking it then I think that would be better for his overall health. Not sure that Dr. V and I see eye to eye on life expectations. shocking I know....
They were going to put in a 6 months - 1 year stet in but with the troubles he has had he said the temporary one would be better. So that one will have to be replaced in 90 days. I asked if he would ever not need the stet and he said no the pancreatic tumor would never shrink small enough to be without a stet. really? My plan is to be without a pancreatic tumor and no liver spots by derby. No Dr. V? Hmmmm... you must not realize how many people we have praying for that miracle. I would love to prove him wrong on that one. Actually I would love to have God prove him wrong on that "fact". He is a nice man so I am sure he would love to be proven wrong too. He recommended a procedure that would clip the nerves so that Craig doesn't feel the pain but I have trouble with that not b/c of the pain but there is a reason for the pain and if there is a solutions for the pain rather than just blocking it then I think that would be better for his overall health. Not sure that Dr. V and I see eye to eye on life expectations. shocking I know....
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Update from Michelle tonight
This past week has been a tough one. I would say one of the toughest since October 4th (just speaking for me of course). Craig hasn't felt good the majority of the week. I do want them to find a cause for his pain while they are replacing his stet tomorrow so that we can find a solution. Does he need to be on an additional Rx? Does he need to lose his gallbladder? Does he need to be restricted on foods? We just need some answers. His "good" week has gotten to the point where it is worse than his "bad/chemo" week. At least we know how to manage nausea and we know that he sleeps on chemo weeks. At least we know what to expect. The off weeks have been a hodge-bodge of guessing games which with a prognosis that this disease carries is unbelievably stressful. This stress has lead to ridiculous arguments and breaks downs that is is hard to pick up the pieces afterwards. There hasn't been much on the blog this week not b/c there hasn't been a lot going on but it has been such a hard week that is it hard to put into words what goes on in this house some days.
Friday we met with the nutritionist and got a lot of advice on what he should take and avoid when it comes to nutrition. I will share some of those fun facts with later but there seems to be a difference in opinion with this house on how important nutrition plays in the health of a cancer patient. I won't get into the details of that debate b/c quite frankly it has gotten over the top heated.
This is just a really hard walk. I want this disease out of my house to never return. I don't want my kids to have to live this life. I am so beyond irritated with this situation. Just surviving this is not good enough. I want more for my family than just surviving day to day.
The quote "God never gives us anything that we can't handle" is LAUGHABLE right now. What does "handle" really mean anyway? survive? take with grace? make lemonade out of lemons? It just sounds stupid to me right now. How are we suppose to "handle" this situation. It is not biblical anyway but it is just stupid to think we could "handle" this.
I would say 90% of the time we are fine. Really fine. We are hopeful for the future. We are strong in our faith. Our kids are good and doing well. They are doing fine in school, they get excited about future plans, they stick to their routine and they are confident in our care for them. We are day by day but holding on really well all things considering. But I have to say this week fell in the 10% category for me. I would say well this is a new beginning of a week but this is chemo week. So frustrating. It is not like you can just chalk that one up as a tough one and look forward to Monday to start over. Monday is a new stet, and a procedure. Will that be a new set of issues for this week? Will this chemo treatment go as expected? The uncertainty of the day to day is draining.
Sorry to be a downer tonight. I hate just surviving life right now.
Our weekend was a good one. Craig felt bad the majority of yesterday but was able to enjoy the visit from my family. It was great to see everyone and the girls had a great time playing with my cousins kiddos. It is good to feel your support system in-house. Now that I think about it as I type, God really provided HUGE this weekend. After a week of questioning He provided a safe trip for my family to be here from NKY, and Delta Gamma friends for Sunday brunch after we visited our church family.
I have to apologize to my friends and family. I am sorry that the things that I talk about are hard to hear. I have never been one to sugar coat anything and when this is what is going on in my life it is a tough conversation. Please stick with me. Know that the things that I say are out of love for my family and our quality of life. I wouldn't want this situation for my worst enemy so when the situation is right here for my own daughters to have to live with it is hard for me to stay positive 100% of the time. I am so thankful for the friends and family that surrounded us this weekend and listened to those tough conversations. I am not sure how I will ever to be able to repay you but I thank God that you are here with us.
So the weekend was full of great family and friends. Emmy, Morgan and I went and picked out bunk beds for their bedroom Saturday afternoon. We suckered in some wonderful friends to help build the beds tonight and they look so cute in their room. Emmy is on the top bunk b/c Morgan is our crazy sleeper girl. She would surely fall out. The bunk beds was one of the highlights to the weekend. Our friends and family that help us get through this daily struggle is the highlight to the weekend.
Pray that we get some peace in this house and help us remember that we are on the same team here even if we have different opinions to rid this house of cancer and keep it that way, that is the ultimate goal and only God has the healing power to do it.
Pray for healing. Pray for a smooth Monday. then a smooth Tuesday and better off week. And get this cancer out of my house. GET OUT!
Pray for peace. hope. and more understanding.
Friday we met with the nutritionist and got a lot of advice on what he should take and avoid when it comes to nutrition. I will share some of those fun facts with later but there seems to be a difference in opinion with this house on how important nutrition plays in the health of a cancer patient. I won't get into the details of that debate b/c quite frankly it has gotten over the top heated.
This is just a really hard walk. I want this disease out of my house to never return. I don't want my kids to have to live this life. I am so beyond irritated with this situation. Just surviving this is not good enough. I want more for my family than just surviving day to day.
The quote "God never gives us anything that we can't handle" is LAUGHABLE right now. What does "handle" really mean anyway? survive? take with grace? make lemonade out of lemons? It just sounds stupid to me right now. How are we suppose to "handle" this situation. It is not biblical anyway but it is just stupid to think we could "handle" this.
I would say 90% of the time we are fine. Really fine. We are hopeful for the future. We are strong in our faith. Our kids are good and doing well. They are doing fine in school, they get excited about future plans, they stick to their routine and they are confident in our care for them. We are day by day but holding on really well all things considering. But I have to say this week fell in the 10% category for me. I would say well this is a new beginning of a week but this is chemo week. So frustrating. It is not like you can just chalk that one up as a tough one and look forward to Monday to start over. Monday is a new stet, and a procedure. Will that be a new set of issues for this week? Will this chemo treatment go as expected? The uncertainty of the day to day is draining.
Sorry to be a downer tonight. I hate just surviving life right now.
Our weekend was a good one. Craig felt bad the majority of yesterday but was able to enjoy the visit from my family. It was great to see everyone and the girls had a great time playing with my cousins kiddos. It is good to feel your support system in-house. Now that I think about it as I type, God really provided HUGE this weekend. After a week of questioning He provided a safe trip for my family to be here from NKY, and Delta Gamma friends for Sunday brunch after we visited our church family.
I have to apologize to my friends and family. I am sorry that the things that I talk about are hard to hear. I have never been one to sugar coat anything and when this is what is going on in my life it is a tough conversation. Please stick with me. Know that the things that I say are out of love for my family and our quality of life. I wouldn't want this situation for my worst enemy so when the situation is right here for my own daughters to have to live with it is hard for me to stay positive 100% of the time. I am so thankful for the friends and family that surrounded us this weekend and listened to those tough conversations. I am not sure how I will ever to be able to repay you but I thank God that you are here with us.
So the weekend was full of great family and friends. Emmy, Morgan and I went and picked out bunk beds for their bedroom Saturday afternoon. We suckered in some wonderful friends to help build the beds tonight and they look so cute in their room. Emmy is on the top bunk b/c Morgan is our crazy sleeper girl. She would surely fall out. The bunk beds was one of the highlights to the weekend. Our friends and family that help us get through this daily struggle is the highlight to the weekend.
Pray that we get some peace in this house and help us remember that we are on the same team here even if we have different opinions to rid this house of cancer and keep it that way, that is the ultimate goal and only God has the healing power to do it.
Pray for healing. Pray for a smooth Monday. then a smooth Tuesday and better off week. And get this cancer out of my house. GET OUT!
Pray for peace. hope. and more understanding.
ERCP Monday
Tomorrow morning is my ERCP. We'll be replacing my stent probably with a permanent one. I report at 8am. They put me under so they can a stick a camera down my throat and run it all the way down to my stomach and have a look around. It will also be able to remove the current stent and place a new one in my billary duct. The mass in my pancreas pushes against this main duct and restricts proper passage. They will also be able to look around and see hopefully what exactly has been causing me pain the last week and what sent me to the ER. Inflammation in my stomach, liver, gall bladder, pancreas? Oddly, since my collarbone has been hurting, it very well be my gall bladder according to the smart people. Something about the same nerve line? Anyhow, I pray things go smoothly and they are able to replace to stent with a better one and they realize what's been making me hurt and come up with a plan to get rid of the hurt. I also pray I don't get the nasty side effect of pancreatitis which somtimes can happen from "playing" in that area. Surprisingly I have had no side effect the last 2 times with soreness in my throat or anything like that. I did have a sore abdomen but I had a lot of blockages going on so that was almost expected. Anyhow, I'm not that nervous about this procedure except I hope for a quick recovery because I go in for my next treatment this Tuesday. It will be a tough week but I'm ready to "get it on" and over. The procedure itself I believe takes about an hour but I'll have recovery and all that so I don't expect to get home until tomorrow afternoon. My doctor tomorrow is Dr. Vitale which is kind of the rock star in this field here in the region so I know I'm in good hands but I'll say a prayer that God helps him in my procedure. It's time for me to try and get some sleep. We'll update sometime tomorrow.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Christmas Pictures
CHRISTMAS 2010
The whole crew Christmas Eve (you can almost hear how loud they are)
BARBIE JEEP! Santa came!
Mimi got them their Jesse dolls!
They drove the Jeep around the living room most of the morning.
Sisters on Christmas Eve
Won't it be awesome when this blog is about our life without cancer and just about our kids and how awesome they are?
Victory Weekend and a reflection of 2010
Written Sunday 1/2/11 night
I was going to post on New Year's Eve but this weekend I have been so sick with an ugly cold. Great way to bring in the new year, asleep by 8:30pm on the couch b/c I didn't want to infect Craig. Oh well it was never a holiday that was important to me. I wish I could have done something fun for the girls to bring in the new year but maybe next year.
This weekend at SECC was Victory Weekend. All the people that were baptised and gave their lives to Christ or joined the church walk down the center aisle. It is an awesome site to see how God works in the lives of some many people through Southeast. It is such a special place to our family. Last January was our Victory weekend. We had gone to SECC for far too long before we took the final step to make it official.
My God story started with the decision to have a third child. It actually started way before that decision but this was the turning point for me. It was too big of a decision to make ourselves. I would pray about it at home and make list in my head of the pros and cons of stopping at two or adding another baby to the family. We were done potty training and we could get around easily with one kid each. But every time I prayed about it in church it wasn't "if" it was "when" and what to name him/her. Kyle preached on a the story of Peter where Jesus called Peter out of the boat to walk on the water. The message was "What boat was God calling you to step out of and trust Him"? God was calling us to have a third baby so the decision was made the Merimees would expand by one but even though it had been that easy in the past it wasn't that easy this time. I kept praying to God what are you waiting for? I agreed to go with your plan for our family at whatever cost it meant. Where is this baby? Months later Kyle preached on Say yes to God when in the past you have told him no. It was the story of Jonah. Trust starts with obedience and He was calling me to obey Him and be baptised. That day I committed my life to Christ. I turned it all over to Him. Not just our family plan but my life. Whatever He had in store I was in, all in. I was pregnant with Hannah within the week.
The first ultrasound (of many b/c I was borderline high risk b/c I went into pre-term labor with Morgan) I pinned to my bulletin board at work with the scripture "I asked for this child and the Lord gave me what I asked of Him." I thought her name would be Caroline Jane and we were going to call her Callie or Nolan Patrick if it was a boy. Craig kept pushing for Hannah for a girl but I was afraid to look it up and find that is was the ugly sister of Rachel. Mom looked it up and Leah (still love that name) was the ugly sister, Hannah was in the story of Samuel which is where the scripture that had been hanging on my bulletin board for months. On June 14th Hannah Jane was born. I prayed for a baby with brown eyes and a bald head. She has the prettiest brown eyes and her hair is still barely there. Her eyes are a constant reminder of God's plan.
So I can't chalk up 2010 as a terrible year b/c of this cancer. I have to wonder if last year wasn't our Victory weekend how different would our lives be right now? Our highs wouldn't have been as high and our lows would have been down right unbearable. I can't say things are easy b/c we have faith. This is a tough walk. My marriage isn't in a good place. Cancer has taken a lot from us. Before cancer I would cuddle Hannah when putting her to bed. Now I am too exhausted and there are two kids that wait for me rather than reading books with Craig. I feel like cancer has robbed me of my time and energy. But it can never rob me of my love and faith that God is right here with us through this cancer journey.
So there it is in black and white, my God story, Hannah Jane is my God story. Very few know it until now. Actually probably just Craig. We have witnessed many events in 2010 where people chose God's plan, included mended marriages where there were signed divorce papers. We have seen what He can do when you turn it all over and we can't wait to see what He has in store for 2011. We are trusting Him to lead us to a righteous life and we are committed to walking this walk as unbearable as it might be, He is there and we trust Him.
I was going to post on New Year's Eve but this weekend I have been so sick with an ugly cold. Great way to bring in the new year, asleep by 8:30pm on the couch b/c I didn't want to infect Craig. Oh well it was never a holiday that was important to me. I wish I could have done something fun for the girls to bring in the new year but maybe next year.
This weekend at SECC was Victory Weekend. All the people that were baptised and gave their lives to Christ or joined the church walk down the center aisle. It is an awesome site to see how God works in the lives of some many people through Southeast. It is such a special place to our family. Last January was our Victory weekend. We had gone to SECC for far too long before we took the final step to make it official.
My God story started with the decision to have a third child. It actually started way before that decision but this was the turning point for me. It was too big of a decision to make ourselves. I would pray about it at home and make list in my head of the pros and cons of stopping at two or adding another baby to the family. We were done potty training and we could get around easily with one kid each. But every time I prayed about it in church it wasn't "if" it was "when" and what to name him/her. Kyle preached on a the story of Peter where Jesus called Peter out of the boat to walk on the water. The message was "What boat was God calling you to step out of and trust Him"? God was calling us to have a third baby so the decision was made the Merimees would expand by one but even though it had been that easy in the past it wasn't that easy this time. I kept praying to God what are you waiting for? I agreed to go with your plan for our family at whatever cost it meant. Where is this baby? Months later Kyle preached on Say yes to God when in the past you have told him no. It was the story of Jonah. Trust starts with obedience and He was calling me to obey Him and be baptised. That day I committed my life to Christ. I turned it all over to Him. Not just our family plan but my life. Whatever He had in store I was in, all in. I was pregnant with Hannah within the week.
The first ultrasound (of many b/c I was borderline high risk b/c I went into pre-term labor with Morgan) I pinned to my bulletin board at work with the scripture "I asked for this child and the Lord gave me what I asked of Him." I thought her name would be Caroline Jane and we were going to call her Callie or Nolan Patrick if it was a boy. Craig kept pushing for Hannah for a girl but I was afraid to look it up and find that is was the ugly sister of Rachel. Mom looked it up and Leah (still love that name) was the ugly sister, Hannah was in the story of Samuel which is where the scripture that had been hanging on my bulletin board for months. On June 14th Hannah Jane was born. I prayed for a baby with brown eyes and a bald head. She has the prettiest brown eyes and her hair is still barely there. Her eyes are a constant reminder of God's plan.
So I can't chalk up 2010 as a terrible year b/c of this cancer. I have to wonder if last year wasn't our Victory weekend how different would our lives be right now? Our highs wouldn't have been as high and our lows would have been down right unbearable. I can't say things are easy b/c we have faith. This is a tough walk. My marriage isn't in a good place. Cancer has taken a lot from us. Before cancer I would cuddle Hannah when putting her to bed. Now I am too exhausted and there are two kids that wait for me rather than reading books with Craig. I feel like cancer has robbed me of my time and energy. But it can never rob me of my love and faith that God is right here with us through this cancer journey.
So there it is in black and white, my God story, Hannah Jane is my God story. Very few know it until now. Actually probably just Craig. We have witnessed many events in 2010 where people chose God's plan, included mended marriages where there were signed divorce papers. We have seen what He can do when you turn it all over and we can't wait to see what He has in store for 2011. We are trusting Him to lead us to a righteous life and we are committed to walking this walk as unbearable as it might be, He is there and we trust Him.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
quick trip to the ER this morning
Craig had a scheduled doctor's appointment this morning at 9:30 but at 5:00 woke up to intense pain at his collar bone and side. Instead of going downtown we opted for the ER at Brownsboro this morning since he was in such pain. They ran all the labs to see if the stet was clogged up which would have increased the billirubin and liver function numbers. They ran two more blood test to check for pancreatisis and those were negative.
So it boils down to cancer is painful. They pumped him full of pain meds and sent us on our way.
If the billirubin or other liver function numbers were elevated they would have redone the stet today but it was a 1.0 so that can wait until Monday as planned.
We still hope to get to the nutritionist maybe tomorrow to see if there are foods that will make him feel better overall and still help him gain weight back.
So that was our morning. The girls went to school even though it was a Michelle's house day. They will probably go to Michelle's tomorrow so that we can go to the nutritionist.
We shall see what tomorrow brings.
So it boils down to cancer is painful. They pumped him full of pain meds and sent us on our way.
If the billirubin or other liver function numbers were elevated they would have redone the stet today but it was a 1.0 so that can wait until Monday as planned.
We still hope to get to the nutritionist maybe tomorrow to see if there are foods that will make him feel better overall and still help him gain weight back.
So that was our morning. The girls went to school even though it was a Michelle's house day. They will probably go to Michelle's tomorrow so that we can go to the nutritionist.
We shall see what tomorrow brings.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
today was not that much different than yesterday
I did wear real clothes in public today so I guess that is a plus but Craig's pain persist. We are going to the doctor tomorrow to see if it is an acid-ridden stomach or pancreatitis. We shall see more to come.
I really hate that my kids have to see this stuff. They were talking in the car this morning on the way to school about which days he was feeling okay and which days he is just "so tired from the medicine."
I hate that they understand as much as they do. I do think that Emily is understanding more of the seriousness of the situation. She said the other day, he has been on that medicine a long time. I then I told her that he would be on it until about derby. Not sure how she felt about that.
Anyway wish us luck that this is just an acidy stomach and nothing that will linger. His stet replacement procedure is Monday so if it is the stet that is out of place then that will be taken care of early next week.
I really hate that my kids have to see this stuff. They were talking in the car this morning on the way to school about which days he was feeling okay and which days he is just "so tired from the medicine."
I hate that they understand as much as they do. I do think that Emily is understanding more of the seriousness of the situation. She said the other day, he has been on that medicine a long time. I then I told her that he would be on it until about derby. Not sure how she felt about that.
Anyway wish us luck that this is just an acidy stomach and nothing that will linger. His stet replacement procedure is Monday so if it is the stet that is out of place then that will be taken care of early next week.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
"I will not lose my mind" repeat. "I will not lose my mind"
This is the quote that I said all day today. "I will not lose my mind" "I will not lose my mind" "I will not lose my mind" "I will not lose my mind"
Craig isn't feel well. I think he has some acid-ridden stomach issues that are far worse with chemo meds and a cancerous tumor in the way. He was down for the count all day. The doctor's office called in a prescription which sounds like an easy process: have prescription called in, person drives through to pick up prescription, person drives prescription home, patient takes medicine, patient feels better. Simply enough? Why then was I running through my second stop at the second Kroger in Victoria Secret flannel pajama pants at 8:45p tonight? I will spare you the details but that process sometimes isn't has easy as it should be. laugh all you want, I am in that Kroger so darn much those people know me and now they know what my favorite pair of PJ's look like!
I do hope that Craig feels better tomorrow.
tomorrow is another day...hopefully I will wear real clothes in public tomorrow rather than PJ's.
here's to tomorrow.
Craig isn't feel well. I think he has some acid-ridden stomach issues that are far worse with chemo meds and a cancerous tumor in the way. He was down for the count all day. The doctor's office called in a prescription which sounds like an easy process: have prescription called in, person drives through to pick up prescription, person drives prescription home, patient takes medicine, patient feels better. Simply enough? Why then was I running through my second stop at the second Kroger in Victoria Secret flannel pajama pants at 8:45p tonight? I will spare you the details but that process sometimes isn't has easy as it should be. laugh all you want, I am in that Kroger so darn much those people know me and now they know what my favorite pair of PJ's look like!
I do hope that Craig feels better tomorrow.
tomorrow is another day...hopefully I will wear real clothes in public tomorrow rather than PJ's.
here's to tomorrow.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
just odds and ends for tonight
Quick note, Craig is doing good. No naps today and a day of church, playing wii with the girls, oh and trying to fix the stupid vacuum, grrr I think it is junk. Hopefully this week is on the upswing and we will be in good shape both with the chemo side effects and this cold. I realize this cold is minor in comparison but when mama goes down the house goes down with her...
Craig did start taking megace (sp?) which is an appetite simulate and I think it is working. It should make him feel better overall and hopefully help with his energy level. I think this week we will try to meet with a nutritionist in Prospect to get some ideas on how he can increase his energy level and gain some more weight in between treatments.
I will be eager to see the tumor market number on Tuesday. We are under the assumption that things are going in the right directions. It will be devastating if that number is higher than 117. I am not sure I ever posted about the mixed response CT scan but the tumors in the liver could be bigger than before b/c they might be dead on the inside due to effects from the chemo which would be good news. That is a maybe but likely with the tumor marker number decreasing. So we will see what the numbers are not this Tuesday but the following Tuesday the 11th.
I am working on a post on reflection of 2010, should be done by 2012. :) all in good timing, right?
Off to bed with some Tylenol PM...again.
Craig did start taking megace (sp?) which is an appetite simulate and I think it is working. It should make him feel better overall and hopefully help with his energy level. I think this week we will try to meet with a nutritionist in Prospect to get some ideas on how he can increase his energy level and gain some more weight in between treatments.
I will be eager to see the tumor market number on Tuesday. We are under the assumption that things are going in the right directions. It will be devastating if that number is higher than 117. I am not sure I ever posted about the mixed response CT scan but the tumors in the liver could be bigger than before b/c they might be dead on the inside due to effects from the chemo which would be good news. That is a maybe but likely with the tumor marker number decreasing. So we will see what the numbers are not this Tuesday but the following Tuesday the 11th.
I am working on a post on reflection of 2010, should be done by 2012. :) all in good timing, right?
Off to bed with some Tylenol PM...again.